Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 9 Me Thinks My Parents Doth Protest Too Much
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00:00Change your schedule. Call editing and cancel my session, then call research and tell them I need an assistant in 20 minutes.
00:06Then, see if you can reschedule my lunch with Cokie Roberts for next Tuesday. You got that?
00:11Absolutely, guys. Let me get a pencil so I can write that down.
00:15Just add one.
00:18Rita!
00:24Miles, I want you to hear this, guys. You too.
00:28I'm dumping my story on hospital negligence. Something great just came up.
00:32What do you mean you're dumping it? You're flying to San Diego in two days to shoot it.
00:35What's going on? Nobody told me we were having a meeting. I've seen your anchor. I should be told these things.
00:39It's not a meeting, Jim.
00:40Well, that's what they told Arthur Kent when he stumbled onto their little lie.
00:44We knew what hit him. His Patuko machine was out in the hall, and everyone was welcoming a new guy named Bob.
00:50You know we don't drop stories this late in the game unless it's something really big.
00:54Okay, Miles, you tell me if it's big or not.
00:5820,000 people they're sending on Washington to protest an oil company that's been abusing the environment for over two decades.
01:04A protest against Norham Petroleum? No doubt a reaction to their recent tanker spill.
01:09How many people here knew that?
01:10You see, lucky I happened by.
01:12They're all lucky, Jim.
01:14Lucky to be living in a country where ordinary citizens can stand up to a callous corporate giant and demand to be heard.
01:21I love this story. Who's organizing a demonstration, Murphy?
01:24Coalition for Tomorrow. I just got this fax from their New York office.
01:29Coalition for Tomorrow.
01:32That's too bad.
01:34No, no, no, no. I have never heard of these guys. That's too bad. That would have been a nice story.
01:39What's everybody doing this weekend?
01:41Miles, what are we talking about? Everybody's heard of the Coalition for Tomorrow. They've been around for years.
01:46And look at the Board of Directors. Two former senators, a retired admiral.
01:54Oh, and look, here's something funny. There are two people by the name of Silverberg, Nathan and Connie.
02:01Are they in relation?
02:02Can you kill me? Come here, you crazy pig.
02:08No, no, no, no. Silverberg is a very common name in New York. It's like Wong in China or O'Brien in Ireland.
02:18Or a little liar in the newsroom. Come on, Miles, where are you hiding?
02:22You're sweating so much we could open a water slide on your forehead.
02:25You're killing me. You're killing me, you crazy pig.
02:29Why do you always want to buy it?
02:32Now, come on. These people are relatives of yours, aren't they? Admit it.
02:37They're not relatives. They're my parents.
02:39What?
02:40They're founding members of the Coalition.
02:42In fact, they're founding members of just about every Coalition.
02:45If there was a Coalition of the Month Club, they'd be founding members of that.
02:48That's wonderful. Does it mean they're coming to town?
02:51Well, I wouldn't be surprised. If it sits in, pickets, or marches, they'll be there.
02:55Well, what do you know? Miles, I need a tax shelter. Silverberg, son of radical activist.
03:01It isn't funny, Murphy. You try growing up with parents like mine.
03:04When I was nine, I was drummed out of the Cuff Scouts because my mother declared it a fascist organization.
03:09My father lost four college teaching jobs in five years because he kept encouraging the students to overtake the dean's office.
03:15Two of those times, he was the dean.
03:20I'm confused. Didn't you once say your parents had a one-hour martinizing franchise?
03:24Yes, I made it all up. I was embarrassed, all right? I mean, they're my parents, and I love them, but everything is a cause to them. They're fanatics.
03:35Oh, Miles, you're exaggerating. Everybody paints a worse picture of their parents than they actually are. Except for Frank.
03:44She's right. My parents are the worst. My mother made me practice the mamba with her in the living room in front of the big picture window where all our friends could see.
03:54Big deal. My parents picketed my senior prom dressed as dolphins because tuna was being served as an appetizer.
04:03Oh, yeah? My mom once made me get a crew cut because she caught me in the attic with Mary Pat Savarese playing St. Francis and the Cigarette Girl.
04:11No. That's nothing.
04:13No! What is this? Dueling dysfunctionals? I have a story on the table here.
04:18Yes, yes, a story on hospital negligence. I'm sure you will do a wonderful job. Now, if you'll excuse me.
04:24Miles, are you saying you won't let me cover one of the most important protests of the decade because you're afraid your parents will show up dressed as Flipper?
04:31Might I remind you we have a responsibility to our viewers? No, not just our viewers, but to all of humanity for generations to come.
04:41Forget humanity. I've got bigger problems. Nathan and Connie Silverberg are coming to town.
04:52Are your parents in town yet, Miles? Have you talked to them yet?
04:55We're not discussing that, Courtney.
04:56But don't your parents want to meet us? Parents always want to meet your friends. And so far, you're the only ones we haven't met. Except for Jim's. That's only because they're dead.
05:08Right, Jim?
05:10Yes, Corky, but why should we let that stop us?
05:14As a matter of fact, the next time Doris and I drive up to the Duel family mausoleum, why don't we all go? Hell, let's bring a keg and party down.
05:21Corky, they're not going to have time for that. They're only here to protest. Believe me, this is strictly a chance and run kind of thing.
05:29Is this table just for the cultural elite, or can anybody sit here?
05:33Nathan! Connie!
05:36Look, everybody, it's Nathan and Connie.
05:41Hello, Miles. You're looking good.
05:44How's your colon holding up?
05:45Fine. And yours?
05:48That's good. Because I eat whole grains and practice yoga, unlike you, Mr. Fast Food, Mr. Red Mead.
05:54Here, I made a list of organic food stores in the area. Please, for me.
06:00I'm from the head of editing, and who should be in the car to looking for you but your parents?
06:05We, uh, we would have gotten here a lot sooner, but, well, we ran into the president of the network and got to be talking about things.
06:12Things?
06:13Yeah, like how he can sleep at night when his creatively corrupt network is pouring out hour after hour of his steepest garbage while ignoring its obligation to educate the public.
06:24Things like that.
06:25He wants to talk to you later.
06:31Hello, I'm Corky Sherwood Forrest.
06:34I haven't met many radical activists, so if I say anything to offend you, please let me know.
06:39So, have you blown up many buildings?
06:46Smirky Brown. You know, Miles has told us so much about you, haven't you, Miles?
06:51Really, did he say we were dry cleaners or the king and queen of sofa bed cities?
06:55When he was nine, he told his friends we were in the circus.
06:59Nate was the guy who got shot out of the cannon, and I hung from a rope by my teeth.
07:04I love this boy's mine.
07:06I bet you've got some great stories about Miles. What was he like as a kid?
07:12He was very shy, weren't you, Miles?
07:14When he was in Little League, Nate and I used to hide behind trees in the park to watch him play because he didn't want us there.
07:20Well, that was only after you staged a sit-in at second base to protest to call an umpire maid.
07:25He was really safe.
07:26Right.
07:27Where do you fur is murder?
07:29Connie, please.
07:32It's not like I threw ketchup on her.
07:36This is turning out to be a fascinating lunch.
07:39Tell me, how was puberty for young Miles?
07:42Well, so much for chatting. Don't you all have editing notes due on my desk by two o'clock?
07:49Uh-oh, somebody's cracking the whip.
07:52It was wonderful meeting you.
07:54Oh, and I love your peace tattoo.
07:57I got it in Berkeley.
07:59The colors are fading a little now.
08:01But the butterfly on her thigh is still vibrant and alive.
08:04You're a major lover.
08:06Oh, my.
08:07Well, perhaps we'll see you again during your visit.
08:09Until then, power to the people.
08:13By the way, Miles, about that little competition we were having yesterday, you win.
08:24Don't you have to be going too, Murphy?
08:26Uh-uh.
08:26Uh-uh.
08:27Hey, there.
08:30Let me clear some of these things out of the way.
08:33You shouldn't sit like that, Miles, you'll develop a hump.
08:37Excuse me, friend.
08:37Are you protected by the union?
08:41Me?
08:42No.
08:43Unbelievable.
08:44You can talk to us.
08:46Your boss taking advantage of you.
08:47It happens all the time in joints like this, you know.
08:50Does it now?
08:51Me.
08:52Unfair wages, long hours, no benefits.
08:55Say the word, and we can throw up a picket against the management scum in no time.
08:59Who are these things?
09:01These are Miles' parents, Connie and Nathan Silverberg.
09:05And this is Phil, as in Phil's, on the napkin, on the menu, on the window.
09:10Phil.
09:11Phil's.
09:11That's not just a coincidence.
09:13I don't know about that, Connie.
09:14We did it again, huh?
09:16Oh, that's okay.
09:18First of all, I do run a union crew.
09:21Second, I like your kid.
09:23And third, there's a fancy-smancy steakhouse down the street called Chad's that's non-union.
09:31That's?
09:31That's right.
09:32Green awning out front, valet parking by the curb.
09:35You can't miss it.
09:38That'll teach Chad to spread rumors, and I get my meat from the National Harness Racing Association.
09:45You know, it's funny.
09:47Miles and I were just talking about the possibility of my doing a story on the NORAM protest.
09:51Well, we decided against it.
09:52Why?
09:53They deserve the attention.
09:55You know, we've been working to keep NORAM honest since the Point Lobo drilling protests.
09:59Really?
09:59Since 1971?
10:01We've organized boycotts against them, letter-writing campaigns.
10:05Remember when you and your friends stuffed envelopes at your 14th birthday party?
10:09Oh, I remember.
10:10We tried to play spin the bottle later, but everybody had paper cups on their tongues.
10:15Things serve lemonade.
10:17Let's go hear the screams.
10:18Fighting the same corporate giant for over 20 years.
10:24What commitment.
10:25You know, an interview with you two would make a terrific background piece to the story.
10:29No, it wouldn't.
10:30Yes, it would.
10:31Thanks, but we don't want to do anything that would take focus off the protest.
10:34You see, they don't want to do it anyway, even if you were doing the story, which you're not.
10:37It wouldn't attract.
10:38It would strengthen it.
10:39It wouldn't?
10:39It would.
10:40What do you think?
10:40Trust me.
10:41Well, let's do it.
10:42I said no.
10:43No.
10:44But it's my show.
10:46Miles, your eye is twitching.
10:50This settles it.
10:51Nathan and I are treating you to 10 sessions at the Kundalini Yoga Center, and we won't take
10:56no for an answer.
10:57Of course you won't.
10:58Nobody at this tape takes no for an answer, do they?
11:01Fine.
11:01You do your story.
11:02You do what you want.
11:03So what if it goes against my riches?
11:07So what if it kills me?
11:08It must have been a joy to toilet train.
11:14We're here.
11:19Miles, where are your parents?
11:21We're supposed to have them here for the pre-interview.
11:23They refused the ride in my BMW as part of their ongoing boycott of the internal combustion
11:27engine.
11:28They said they prefer walking.
11:29It's good exercise, and it gives them the chance to continue their search for the ultimate
11:32bran muffin.
11:33Gee, Miles, if your eyes were any pinker, I'd have to buy you gerbil food and an exercise
11:40wheel.
11:41What do you expect?
11:42Last night was a nightmare.
11:44I forgot how excited my parents get before a protest.
11:48And when I say excited, I mean excited.
11:51Wow, really?
11:55After 30 years of marriage, they still have that kind of passion for one another?
12:00I think that's great.
12:01So do I.
12:01In theory.
12:02In the next room, it's another story.
12:04I got up three times they answered the door before I realized what was going on.
12:07How on God's earth am I supposed to look them in the eye when they get here?
12:14Do what I do.
12:14Look them right in the forehead.
12:16They think you're making eye contact, but you're really not.
12:18Oh, nothing.
12:18That's absurd.
12:20Juvenile.
12:21I'm getting the hell out before they get here.
12:24Ah, ah, ah.
12:25Nathan, Connie, how nice to see you again.
12:28Ah, Miles tells me you're enjoying your visit.
12:31I know.
12:33Is Miles around him?
12:34Is there something on my forehead?
12:36No.
12:37Hi.
12:38Glad you could make it.
12:40Oh, I mean, uh, make it here to the office as opposed to making it somewhere else.
12:46Here's the coffee.
12:48I'll be in here.
12:50I told you, Nate.
12:51We were too loud.
12:53Hello again.
12:55I didn't know how long you'd be in town, but I wrote down a few places I thought you might enjoy.
13:00Uh, the Arboretum is always a treat.
13:03DuPont Circle has excellent shopping.
13:06And you absolutely should miss the First Lady's dress collection at the Smithsonian.
13:13But the only free time we have is this afternoon before the protest.
13:16And we volunteered to serve lunch at a homeless shelter.
13:20Oh.
13:21Well, that's fun, too.
13:24Hey, when I'll see you before you go, enjoy the protest.
13:28Thanks.
13:29Although today's demonstrations aren't what they used to be.
13:31In the old days, we'd prepare for tear gas, fire hoses, police dogs.
13:37God, those were fun times.
13:42They're so cute.
13:43Murphy, before you go down to the demonstration, I just wanted you to know, I've been doing a lot of thinking about it, and you were right.
13:57It is a good story, and I'm glad you talked me into covering it.
14:01What do you want, Miles?
14:02Please, please, please, please.
14:05Don't shoot a lot of footage of my parents shouting and waving their fists in the air, okay?
14:09They're very enthusiastic people, and with all the television cameras around, I'm afraid they might get carried away and do something stupid.
14:15Miles, the work your parents are doing is very important.
14:19If you could just get past the personal embarrassment and look at the bigger picture, you would see that.
14:24It's not just the embarrassment, Murphy.
14:27Believe me, I've learned how to deal with that.
14:30Well, almost.
14:31What I haven't learned how to deal with is the fear.
14:34My whole life, I've been watching these people go off to these demonstrations, terrified of what might happen to them.
14:39I've seen them come home with black eyes and bruises.
14:41I just don't want to go through it anymore.
14:43Murph, Murph, I just heard that Norm's beating up security.
14:46They're going to try to clear out the building before the press shows up.
14:48Oh, boy, I better get down there.
14:50Miles, you want to come along?
14:51I can't.
14:52Miles, this demonstration could get pretty rough.
14:54You sure your parents are going to be all right?
14:56I can't spend my whole life worrying about them, Frank.
14:58They should be down in Florida playing Marzong and complaining that I don't call them enough like other people's parents.
15:03My parents once complained I called them enough.
15:05Oh, man, Frank, we're not playing that game anymore.
15:08I've got a crew waiting.
15:10I've got to go.
15:10Miles, I'll try to keep an eye on them for you.
15:13Oh, man.
15:15I wish I could separate myself from my parents like that.
15:18I remember the time my father crashed his golf cart into the snack bar.
15:21He told me that the hot dog bun was pushing this fall, but I still had to fly down there right away and make sure he was okay.
15:28And here you are.
15:29Your parents are going off to face God knows what.
15:31Man, I admire you.
15:33You are one top.
15:36Where are you going?
15:36Where do you think, Frank?
15:38They're my parents.
15:38Golf cart.
15:41Hot dog buns.
15:43Talk to me when you have something.
15:44What's most inspiring is the dedication you've shown over the decades as it's diminished.
15:53What I wonder is, does it ever get a little discouraging, the lack of shots?
15:58But Miles, you're in the shot.
16:00Why are you here anyway?
16:01Security is starting to clear the lobby.
16:03I think we should go.
16:04What are you talking about going?
16:05We're in the middle of taping.
16:06I was just going to tell that story about being fine at the Seabrook power plant protest.
16:10You were at Seabrook?
16:11I was at Seabrook.
16:13No kidding.
16:13Where were you?
16:14I was chained to the fence on the north side of the reactor.
16:17We were playing dead at the main entrance.
16:19Power plant protest.
16:20I mean, help this later.
16:23Come on.
16:23I want to leave before somebody gets hurt.
16:25Miles, we're fine.
16:26Now just get out of the shot and let me finish up.
16:28No, I will not just get out of the shot.
16:31No, if you're not going to come with me, then I'll just stand here and ruin your interview.
16:34I'll just have a little protest of my own.
16:36I hate when he gets like this.
16:38If I could finally grow up to that alternative lifestyle commune, he locked himself in the
16:43car and refused to come out.
16:44Families were playing softball in the nude.
16:46I wasn't going to do that, especially with all those great dogs running around.
16:50Here's the CEO.
16:51I want to see if I can get a course.
16:52Come on, guys.
16:53See you right back.
16:54Mr. Scorpio?
16:55Do you know how hard it is to get airtime on a show like Air Force?
16:58Why, I'm...
16:58Of course I do.
16:59I'm the executive producer.
17:01Oh, what are you going to do now?
17:02Here we go.
17:03Let's go, folks.
17:04I have orders to vacate the building.
17:05I'm trying to get them to leave, too.
17:07Just give me a minute.
17:08I don't have a minute.
17:09Come on.
17:10You too, Johnny.
17:10No, hey, you don't understand how you're hurting my arm.
17:13Hey, you can't do this.
17:14I'm in US medicine.
17:16Yeah.
17:16Back off, boys.
17:20Crugs?
17:22We don't call them that anymore.
17:24Besides, it's not even a real cop.
17:26These murders rent-a-cops.
17:28Let's imagine.
17:28Clips are past at which end do I hold the Jimmy Club test?
17:31Come on.
17:32Come on.
17:33Here we go.
17:34Hey, hey, hey.
17:35We'll go with them.
17:36Hey, you hear me?
17:37Take your hands off.
17:38Fire, Miles.
17:39Just go left.
17:40Fire.
17:40Let's go, man.
17:41Fire.
17:43Fire.
17:56It's been a while.
17:57Why don't you give it another try?
18:02Miles.
18:02Come on, boy.
18:07You're going to have to talk to her later.
18:12You want to talk?
18:16How's this?
18:20Look at me.
18:21I was arrested today.
18:24My fingers are stained with ink.
18:28The ink that's touched the hands of robbers and murderers and dirty dregs of society.
18:35Present company excluded.
18:39Miles, please, try to keep this in perspective.
18:42It's only a misdemeanor.
18:43And being that it's your first defense, you can probably cop a plea and get off with probation.
18:49Cop a plea?
18:52My mother wants me to cop a plea.
18:55You should be making a three-bean salad.
19:00Or sitting under a hairdryer bragging to your friends about my salary.
19:03What is wrong with you people?
19:06Can't you be normal parents?
19:08What's that supposed to mean?
19:10We are having this conversation in a jail.
19:14Doesn't that say anything to you?
19:17My whole life has been about you and your causes.
19:21Even our summer vacation.
19:23We never went to Disney World or the Jersey Shore or the Grand Canyon like I wanted.
19:28No, the Silverbergs drove to California and picked grapes with Cesar Chavez.
19:34That's fine.
19:35And you learned Spanish and met some very nice people.
19:39Yeah.
19:40And you stepped on barbed wire and we had to drive 50 miles to get you a tetanus shot.
19:44Every time you stopped talking, I thought you had lockjaw.
19:49The year we marched in Boston, Nathan got knocked over by a police horse and dislocated his shoulder.
19:55For years I had nightmares whenever I watched Mr. Ed.
19:57What kind of a childhood is that?
20:01Miles, we had no idea you felt this way.
20:04Why haven't you said something before now?
20:07What was I supposed to say?
20:10Don't save Bolivia this weekend.
20:12I want to go get a new bike.
20:15Bolivia?
20:15When did we save Bolivia?
20:17I don't know.
20:18Maybe it was Brazil.
20:19I don't know.
20:20I don't think well of this land.
20:21I realize that we haven't been the most conventional parents.
20:27But we were trying to give you something better than a new bike.
20:32We were trying to give you a better world.
20:33And even though you may feel you didn't get everything you need, in our eyes, you turned out pretty great.
20:40Your father's always bragging about you on the picket line.
20:43You are?
20:46Hell, yes.
20:49What do you say?
20:51Well, I say that within the confines of the mainstream capitalist corporate structure, Miles Silverberg is making a difference.
21:00And I tell him I'm proud of you.
21:07You want to see my weekly pay stub?
21:10No, I'm sorry.
21:11You left it on the bedroom bureau.
21:14Not bad, huh?
21:15Yeah, Miles, you know, we don't care anything about money, but your Uncle Saul is going to applaud.
21:21Miles, I know we can't do anything to change their past, but maybe we can all do something to change the present.
21:28Well, you could stop protesting, but I know that's not going to happen.
21:37And I could stop worrying, but I know that's not going to happen either.
21:46But there is just one other thing.
21:50It's just a small thing.
21:52What would you think if I called you both Mom and Dad?
22:00Miles, Mom and Dad are figurehead titles.
22:03It's a power trip.
22:04We had this discussion when you were three.
22:08We wanted you to think of us as equals.
22:11Okay.
22:13We're equals.
22:14Now can I call you Mom and Dad?
22:19If it'll make you happy, it's okay with me.
22:22Nathan?
22:24Okay.
22:25Which one do you want me to be, Mom or Dad?
22:30I'll be Dad.
22:31How's that?
22:33I like it.
22:34There he is, officer.
22:38There's the anarchist.
22:39Little Trotsky Silverberg.
22:43What are you doing here?
22:45I thought I'd just come down and check up on America's most wanted family.
22:49How are you doing, Miles?
22:50Are you okay?
22:51We're fine, Murphy.
22:52I mean, we all are.
22:54Great.
22:54In that case, I thought you might want to see a copy of your mugshot.
22:58The profile is especially impressive, don't you think?
23:00I've ordered one 8x10 print and a dozen wall ties.
23:04Give me that.
23:05No, no, no.
23:06You'll get yours at Christmas along with everyone else.
23:10Hey, uh, what's going on here?
23:12Noram dropped the charges.
23:14They did?
23:15They dropped the charges?
23:16You mean I'm not arrested?
23:17No, you'll always be arrested, dear.
23:19Just not convicted.
23:21Oh, officer.
23:22Officer.
23:22Listen, do you know where I can get the negatives of these?
23:24I'm a little worried about the quality if I blow it up to poster size.
23:30How can Noram drop the charges?
23:33What's happened to them?
23:34They never would have done this in the old days.
23:37You know, we ought to go back and protest this.
23:39The building's probably locked up by now.
23:41I suppose we could jimmy a back door and break a window.
23:43Oh, I do love the kid.
23:46No, no, no, no.
23:47Tomorrow, you can do what you want.
23:49Tonight, we are going back to my place,
23:51and we are doing what a normal American family does.
23:54What?
23:54We're going to watch TV and not talk to each other?
23:56If that's what it takes, yes.
24:00Okay?
24:02Mom?
24:03Dad?
24:04Sure.
24:06Son?
24:08Feels like a foreign language.
24:11I'm glad we're staying in tonight.
24:13You know what getting arrested always does to me.
24:17Oh, God.
24:19Can I just stay here?
24:21All right.
24:26I'm glad we're staying in tonight.