Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 12 I'm Dreaming Of A Brown Christmas
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00:00Corky, we were all a little worried about how you'd react to your separation from Will.
00:04But I've got to admit, you seem to be doing great.
00:07Miles, my parents always taught us to turn life's misfortunes into something positive.
00:13Freaking up with Will was painful, but I truly believe it's going to make me a bigger and better person.
00:19I'll have a double cheeseburger, two orders of fries, a large bread of onion rings, and a slice of apple pie.
00:25With ice cream.
00:26Well, I don't know about the better part, but you're definitely going to be bigger.
00:32Button it up, Frank.
00:34There's nothing wrong with a hearty appetite.
00:37Especially a week before Christmas in the middle of a recession where Phyllis is putting the Neiman Markets catalog on my damn pillow every night open to the jewelry section.
00:47You know what I love about Christmas?
00:49It's such a happy time.
00:51Have you noticed the city sidewalks are busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style?
00:56In the air, there's, I don't know, a feeling of Christmas.
01:00What are you talking about?
01:01You hate Christmas.
01:03All right.
01:03I admit, I have been a Scrooge in the past.
01:06Oh.
01:07But that was before I had Avery.
01:09It's his first Christmas, and I want it to be the real old-fashioned traditional kind.
01:14Not the yuletide massacres I grew up with.
01:16Oh, Flutter, you're exaggerating.
01:18It couldn't have been that bad.
01:19You're right, Jim.
01:21I'm sure most family Christmases end with Mother stoking the fire with Dad's golf clubs and Dad out in the backyard shooting skeet with Mom's pericomo right there.
01:30Those are my Christmas memories, and that's why it's going to be different for my kid.
01:34Now, who's going to help me get the ball rolling by telling me what goes into the traditional Christmas dinner?
01:39Oh, that's easy, Murphy.
01:41It's turkey with stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy.
01:45Can we get some rolls here?
01:46Excuse me, but the traditional Christmas dinner is ham with cherry glaze, parsley, potatoes, and peas.
01:53Excuse me, but I think you're off forgetting that Avery's half-Jewish.
01:57Technically, you should be celebrating Hanukkah as well, and that means boiled chicken and potato pancakes.
02:03Okay.
02:04I got one vote for turkey, one vote for ham, and running a distant third, gental to kosher chicken boy.
02:12So, Frank, you're the tiebreaker.
02:14What did your family serve?
02:15Lasagna.
02:17Murphy.
02:18It doesn't really matter what kind of food you serve.
02:22The important thing to remember is that Christmas is about family.
02:27Ah, yes, family.
02:28I was getting to that.
02:30Now, with Mother gone and Dad in Chicago with his new family,
02:34I was thinking, of course, he and Will have split up, so she's alone.
02:38Audrey went home to England for the holidays, so Miles is alone, and, of course, Frank is always alone.
02:43Maybe they'd like to spend the holidays with me.
02:45What do you think?
02:46Well, gee, Merv, how can I say no to such a lovely invitation?
02:50Sure.
02:51Why not?
02:52Phil, I'm going to want another piece of pie with that.
02:55All right, I'll come, but I'm bringing a menorah.
02:59You know, I wouldn't mind helping Avery experience his first Noel.
03:02Really, Jim?
03:03Don't you and Doris have plans?
03:04Well, normally we do, but Doris is playing Mrs. Cratchit in a production of A Christmas Carol at the Hillcrest Retirement Home.
03:11It's a charming show, but I find it somewhat disconcerting when the ghost of Christmas past appears in a oxygen tank.
03:20Well, that's great.
03:21Um, now, listen, guys, would you mind bringing just a few things?
03:24Sure.
03:24All right, let's see.
03:25I'll need salad, uh, vegetables, potatoes, cranberry mold, the main course, and something to put it on.
03:33That's it?
03:34You sure you don't want us to come over early and help you decorate?
03:36No, no, no, that's okay.
03:37I'll just get a tree, maybe a wreath.
03:39I'll keep it simple.
03:39Monica, it's simple.
03:40Eight candles, chicken, potato pan.
03:45Go, go, blurry Eldon.
03:47If the store didn't want us to buy the stuff, they wouldn't put it in the window.
03:51Your people were laughing at us when we left the building.
03:55A security guard stopped me, accused me of elf napping.
03:59You are completely out of control.
04:02So, you just ignore him, Avery.
04:04We're not out of control.
04:06We're just having a simple little Christmas.
04:09Oh, I bet that's the ice company delivering the half ton of snow we ordered.
04:15Oh, my God.
04:21Murphy, darling.
04:22And my beautiful little Avery.
04:24Ciao, bambino.
04:26I'm your Auntie Brooke.
04:28Oh, he's crying.
04:32Well, don't worry, sweetheart.
04:34You're not the first man I've reduced to tears.
04:37Aunt Brooke, this is such a surprise.
04:41What are you doing here?
04:42It's Christmas Eve.
04:44Where else would I be but with my family?
04:47My only family.
04:49I was sitting in my villa in Tuscany last week, listening to Pavarotti bulldoze his way through the little drummer boy.
04:55He suddenly came over me.
04:59I shouted, stop singing, Luciano!
05:01I'm going to America to be with my niece, Murphy.
05:04And my sister, Avery's little namesake.
05:07Luciano Pavarotti was singing in your living room?
05:10No, dear.
05:11He was in the shower.
05:12Oh, lovely ambiance you've created here.
05:18Makes me wish I bought a thousand more shares of Washington gas and electric.
05:24I'll be staying three days.
05:26Oh, well, that's great.
05:28It's always wonderful seeing you.
05:30And so unexpected, unannounced, out of the blue, without warning.
05:35I know.
05:36That's part of the thought of me, isn't it?
05:39Uh-huh.
05:40Well, I'll just put Avery down for his nap, and then we'll come back and have a little message.
05:45Wonderful, darling.
05:46Take your time.
05:47You can look all you want, but you're not getting none of this sandwich.
06:13That's all right.
06:14I've already eaten.
06:19Whoa.
06:20For a minute there, I thought I was having a Disney Christmas.
06:26It's you, isn't it?
06:29The painter.
06:30I'd have known you anywhere.
06:32You're Elvis.
06:32Actually, I'm, uh...
06:36Yes, yes.
06:37The beard and the overalls and those incredibly soulful eyes.
06:43You're exactly as Avery described you.
06:46Avery?
06:47Oh, you knew that wonderful woman?
06:49She was my sister.
06:51I'm Brooke.
06:52Brooke Torrance Hastings Scheinbaum Moore.
06:55Oh, you've been busy, huh?
06:59Oh, extremely unlucky.
07:01Oh, contraire.
07:03I've had a marvelous time.
07:05And each of my four husbands would tell you the same thing if they'd survived.
07:09Unfortunately, I tend to choose men with weak hearts.
07:14And I'm a very active woman.
07:21And Brooke, I see you've met Elvis.
07:23Oh, this, yes.
07:24And he's everything Avery said he was.
07:26Look at those eyes.
07:27There's genius in them.
07:28I like her.
07:29Well, of course you do, dear.
07:31Everyone does.
07:33Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go and bathe.
07:36Or I'll die.
07:39It's the...
07:41Look at this room, Eldon.
07:43Don't you think it just screams Christmas Eve?
07:46I can't argue with you about that.
07:49You know, when Aunt Brooke arrived, I was a little concerned.
07:52But I think everything's going to be just fine.
07:54Oh, you know, I admit she takes a little getting used to.
07:57But, uh, she is family.
07:59Plus, she already commissioned me to do a sketch of her.
08:02The only problem is she suggested that it be done in the nude.
08:05And, well, I'm not sure if she means her or me.
08:11Eldon.
08:12Oh, Eldon, listen to that.
08:13It's Carolers singing an old-fashioned Christmas song.
08:16I want Avery to hear that.
08:18Go get him, Eldon.
08:19Go, go.
08:19Go, go.
08:22And heaven and nature see.
08:24And heaven and nature see.
08:26Oh, right, all right.
08:28Oh, look at it.
08:30Oh, look at it.
08:30Standing in front of the doorway.
08:32Oh, look at it.
08:34Oh, look at it.
08:35There it is.
08:38Dad.
08:39Oh, there's my Suzy Q.
08:42Ha, ha.
08:42Hey.
08:44Boy, this is...
08:45This is a surprise.
08:47What are you doing here?
08:48Why, can't a father come up here to spend Christmas with his favorite daughter and his brand-new grandson, huh?
08:54Well, not when he's got a wife and child in Chicago.
08:58What's going on?
08:59What's with a cane?
09:00She threw me out.
09:02I just received it.
09:03Right out on the street.
09:04I was so damn mad, I kicked over some kid's snowman.
09:08The little bracket builder around a fire hydrant.
09:11I think I broke the floor.
09:12Oh, yeah.
09:17Yeah, yeah.
09:18Now I see why all the lights in the Capitol Dome are flickering.
09:23Dad, forget the lights and tell me what happened.
09:26Why'd Karen throw you out?
09:27She claimed that I'd forgotten our anniversary.
09:30Hell, I hadn't forgotten.
09:31Well, I was playing poker with a bunch of the boys out at my magazine.
09:35But I was 500 bucks a head.
09:37I mean, I couldn't walk out.
09:38It would have been rude.
09:39So at 6.30 this a.m., I showed up at the house with a magnificent platter of cold cuts.
09:48And she started yelling, saying that she'd have it with me.
09:52That I wasn't enough of a 19th husband for her.
09:55Now, what the hell does that mean?
09:56I have no idea, but all she'd have to do is wait a few years.
10:00You should be 90 by then.
10:01Oh, my God, it's battling Brooke.
10:05What the hell is she doing here?
10:07Did you kill another husband?
10:09Dad, Dad, Dad.
10:10Brooke, now, listen.
10:11It's Christmas Eve.
10:12Remember, tidings of comfort and joy.
10:14At least my husband's died from natural causes.
10:17My marriage is indent from divorce.
10:19Oh, what an accomplishment.
10:21Now, the poor guys probably wanted out so badly they were willing to die.
10:24Awesome.
10:25Witch.
10:26Oh, these are verses of joy to the world I don't think we're familiar with.
10:29Oh, there he is.
10:30There's a big guy.
10:32He came all the way up here to see you.
10:33Oh, thank you very much.
10:34It's good to see you, too.
10:37Why is he still here?
10:38Dad, Eldon's my nanny.
10:40Actually, I'm his nanny.
10:42Although at times, the line does tend to blur a bit.
10:47You're leaving my grandson in the hands of this genius.
10:52Elvis is a far better role model than you ever were.
10:56All right, you two, listen up.
10:58Now, you're both unexpected guests, but in the spirit of the season, I'm willing to make room at the inn.
11:05But this is my son's first Christmas, and it's going to be a happy one, or you're both going to be out on the street looking for a manger to sleep in.
11:10Do I make myself clear?
11:13Oh, yeah.
11:14Well, that's fine with me.
11:15I just wanted to spend Christmas with my family.
11:17Well, so did I, and I was here first.
11:19I'm a father.
11:20I outrank you.
11:21Did you say father or failure?
11:24Crone.
11:24Philanderer.
11:26I must have been a very bad girl this year.
11:32Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
11:36Where's Corky?
11:37Uh, she was a little late, uh, preparing the turkey.
11:40My, it certainly is festive in here.
11:44No kidding.
11:45Which way to the slot machines?
11:46Never mind that.
11:52Just get your coats off and get into the living room.
11:54I need reinforcements.
11:56Hey, Hilden.
11:57Hey.
11:57Merry Christmas to all and to all of this night.
12:01What are you talking about?
12:02Where are you going?
12:02Well, I don't have a life.
12:04It's Christmas Eve, and I'm going to help Toys for Tots deliver some presents around H Street.
12:08Hey, Giselle, that's a pretty rough area.
12:10Compared to that living room?
12:12I think not.
12:15What did he mean, compared to that living room?
12:17You don't maniac!
12:19Herodon!
12:21You'll find out.
12:25Oh.
12:27You know my father.
12:28Yes, and Mr. Growl, very nice to see you.
12:31And where's your lovely wife?
12:32She threw me out.
12:34And you are, uh...
12:36Brooke Torrance Hastingscheinbaum-Moore.
12:40I'm Murphy's aunt, if you're wondering why I'm alone or my husbands are dead.
12:45This is your...
12:45I know, dear.
12:46I know, Mr. Dial, and Mr. Fontana.
12:49I have a satellite dish in my villa in Tuscany, and I rarely miss one of your shows.
12:56However, I don't believe I'm familiar with this young man.
13:01Miles Silverberg.
13:02I'm the executive producer.
13:03Oh, good for you.
13:06No, my third husband was Jewish.
13:10Milton Scheinbaum.
13:11Your people make wonderful spouses.
13:14You rarely drink.
13:16You're considerate lovers, and when you die, you usually leave your widows well taken care of.
13:27Hors-d'oeuvres, anyone?
13:30Italians, on the other hand, are more passionate.
13:33They're not necessarily good husbands, but they're excellent lovers.
13:36Do you get to Tuscany often, Mr. Fontana?
13:41Run for your lives, men.
13:43She's on the prowl.
13:45Oh, I'll get that.
13:47Meantime, Miles, this would be a good time to tell everyone the story of the miracle of Hanukkah.
13:52Merry Christmas.
13:59Oh, yeah, right.
14:01I hope you're hooked enough for two extra guests.
14:04Hey, half the turkey's gone.
14:06There was a long light on Constitution Avenue.
14:09Sue me.
14:11Just give me the platter and get inside and spread some holiday cheer.
14:16Get that piece of turkey skin off your lip.
14:19But the Maccabees had enough oil to light the lamp for a...
14:22Merry Christmas, everyone.
14:24Oh, this is my father, you know, and then this is Aunt Brooke.
14:28Oh, hello, Mr. Brown.
14:29What a surprise.
14:30Where's that pretty wife of yours?
14:32She threw me out.
14:33Uh-huh.
14:34Hello.
14:35Hello, Clarkie.
14:36Yes, I know, dear.
14:38I read about your separation, and I just want to tell you there are plenty of men out there
14:43for attractive girls like us.
14:46And I should know, I've been married four times.
14:49Uh-huh.
14:50I need it.
14:53Will you look at that face every time I see him?
14:57He gets to be more and more like me.
15:00Wonderful.
15:01But it's only a question of time before he dumps his wife of 25 years and marries someone
15:05half her age.
15:08This from a woman whose second husband was so young, they had to get married during a recess.
15:17Go on, ask her how old he was.
15:21Go on.
15:22Hey, hey.
15:23Here's a fun Christmas idea.
15:25While we're all basking in the warm, digestive glow of this lovely holiday meal, why doesn't
15:31each of us recount a fond memory of Christmas past?
15:34That way, Avery can have a firm foundation of happy holiday memories.
15:37Jim, you start.
15:38Do I have to?
15:39Yes.
15:40I have to.
15:421948, your very first Christmas.
15:45Yes, it was the first year she came to stay with us.
15:48It was a nightmare.
15:50A misogynist.
15:51Right there.
15:52Why don't I just kill some of these dishes?
15:54Hold it.
15:57Nobody clears anything.
15:59The next person who tries to leave this room gets decked in the hall.
16:02I know this evening's been a disaster.
16:18Why shouldn't it be?
16:19It's a typical Brown family Christmas.
16:21People screaming, children crying, and a blonde girl stuffing her face in misery.
16:27The only difference is it used to be me.
16:31Well, I'm telling you both, it's over.
16:34My child is not going to be a victim of the past.
16:37The Brown family destiny changes tonight.
16:39We wish you a Merry Christmas.
16:42We wish you a Merry Christmas.
16:43You hear that?
16:44It's a sign from God.
16:46Now, we are going to listen to the joyous sound of Christmas.
16:51We are going to eat this delicious and extremely expensive holiday dessert in peace and harmony,
16:59and love and joy will fill this house.
17:02Oh, he started it.
17:03No, no, no.
17:04I don't know what he's on.
17:05I don't want my son to hear anything but the sound of this music.
17:25No one killed your husband.
17:28You sang them to death.
17:30Jeff, you son of me, freaking pig.
17:33You stabbed me.
17:36The woman stabbed me.
17:38No, I just my fork slipped.
17:40Halfway through my thigh.
17:42Oh, it's nothing, young man.
17:44Yes.
17:45Nothing.
17:46I'll show you nothing.
17:57Lovely.
17:59It's my second wedding day all over again.
18:03Doodle.
18:19Well, good morning, darling.
18:21Would you like orange juice, coffee?
18:23Merry Christmas, darling.
18:24I hope you like your eggs scrambled.
18:28Wow.
18:29This is the most incredibly vivid dream.
18:32I can even smell the coffee.
18:35No, no, no, dear.
18:36It's not a dream.
18:37No.
18:38You see, after you locked yourself in your room last night,
18:41your aunt and I had a little meeting,
18:43and we decided that, well, you may have had a point
18:47that we weren't acting as a family, sure.
18:51What was your first clue?
18:53The pie-throwing or the stabbing?
18:56What can we say, dear?
18:57We fell into old habits.
18:59We're not proud of ourselves.
19:00But we want to make it up to you and to Avery.
19:03Can't we start Christmas over again?
19:06No.
19:08No, we can't.
19:10I want both of you out of my house now.
19:13You can't mess things up for 40 years
19:15and then just make me scrambled eggs and coffee
19:18and expect me to say it's all okay.
19:20It's not fair.
19:22Really, dear, as my close friend Katie Heppin says,
19:24boar, boar, boar.
19:26You should get on with your life.
19:28If we're willing to try not to be victims of the past,
19:31then you have to make an effort, too.
19:33I don't blame you, darling, for not trusting us.
19:36But I promise you we're going to give it the best try this year.
19:40And as proof, I'm going to give you Christmas presents.
19:45Brooke, I'm sorry that I shoved that pie in your face.
19:50And I apologize for poking you with a fork.
19:55A poking?
19:57All right, then stabbing.
20:04Wow.
20:05Two members of my own family apologizing to each other
20:08without a policeman present.
20:10I never thought I'd live to see this.
20:12To tell you the truth, dear, neither did I.
20:15But love makes you do strange things.
20:18And I do love you.
20:20Yeah, so do I, darling.
20:23And I know that occasionally I turn into a crotchety old fool.
20:29But I do hope you know that I would do anything in the world
20:33to make you happy.
20:39Thank you both for finally giving me the Christmas I always wanted.
20:45Give us a hug.
20:50You too, Aunt Brooke.
20:52Yeah, then why not?
20:53You know, Bill, for the first time in years,
21:02I see a little bit of the man my sister fell in love with.
21:09Well, thank you very much.
21:11And when you're not spewing all of that venom,
21:15you're not half bad yourself.
21:17Oh, this is great.
21:19Isn't this so great?
21:21And since we're confessing,
21:22I might as well tell you that when we met,
21:24I told Avery not to let you get away.
21:27How about that, Dad?
21:31Oh, no, you didn't.
21:33No, go on.
21:34You certainly did.
21:35And I can still see you the way you were as a young man.
21:38And all that Irish charm and vitality,
21:41and it was very attractive.
21:48Well, speaking of vitality,
21:51there are very few women in the world
21:53that could match you on that level.
21:56So, who'd like some eggs?
22:00Did you always have those little flecks of gold in your eyes?
22:05Of course I did.
22:08You had only to look.
22:11Wait a minute.
22:13Wait a minute.
22:14What are you doing?
22:18I was wrong.
22:20This is unnatural.
22:22You should be fighting.
22:23And, Brooke, I'll get you a fork.
22:25And, Dad, we're out of pie,
22:27but here's some marmalade.
22:28Nice and sticky.
22:30Don't worry, dear.
22:31It was just a momentary aberration.
22:35We're fine now.
22:36Right, Bill?
22:37Yes, yes, absolutely.
22:38That was a very strange sensation.
22:41Yes, but I suppose it does stand to reason
22:43if you try to shut up
22:44all those years of hostility so quickly,
22:47the energy has to go somewhere.
22:49Well, I want it to go somewhere else.
22:52Oh, come on, Murphy.
22:54We're not crazy.
22:55As a matter of fact,
22:56I want to get back to Chicago as soon as I can
22:58to see if that remarkable woman whom I married
23:00will give me a second chance.
23:03And I have to get back to Tuscany
23:04to prepare my annual New Year's Eve gala.
23:07Placido Domingo is coming.
23:09He's promised to bring Mick Jagger with him.
23:12I hear he may be divorcing again.
23:15So, you're both really okay?
23:19Oh, sure, yeah.
23:20Of course, dear.
23:20Why wouldn't we be?
23:22We're here with you and your sweet child
23:24on Christmas Day.
23:26So, what do you say we enjoy it?
23:30Okay, but any more talk about vitality or eye color
23:34and it's Merry Christmas to all
23:36and to all a get out.
23:39Whatever you want, dear.
23:47Deck the halls with bells of holly.
23:49Oh, my God.
23:51There she goes again.
23:54You just simply can't resist, can you?
23:56No, I can't.
23:57What are you going to do about it?
23:59Well, there's not much else I can do, really,
24:02except join in.
24:03Deck the halls with bells of holly.
24:07Well, Avery, that's your family.
24:10We may not be able to carry a tune,
24:12but at least we go on singing.
24:15La la la la la la la la la la
24:17Keep the love going down my love
24:19La la la la la la la la la
24:24It's the holiday season and that means one thing
24:30Party, party, party, party now!
24:33Yes, it's the Fresh Prince year and jam!
24:37Party with the Prince for four full nights
24:39Starting Monday, December 11th
24:41Only on Nick at 9
24:43Party with the Prince for four full nights