- 2 days ago
Tip Toe - Season 1 Episode 1
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Short filmTranscript
00:07No!
00:32Monster!
00:35Monster!
01:00Monster!
01:11Monster!
01:30Oh, you little...
01:36Oh, the fuck!
01:53Hi, hi.
01:54Sorry, I know. I've locked myself out.
01:55I was just putting something in the bin and then click.
02:00So, what do you want, a ladder?
02:02Um, no, I don't think I've got any windows open.
02:06I just need to phone my friend Stephanie.
02:08Remember her, my best mate? She's got a spare key.
02:10I mean, I've got a spare key, but guess what it is?
02:12In the house. Fat lot of good that is.
02:18Yeah, look, you better get in, haven't you?
02:30Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:39Sorry, George. Got locked out.
02:42I feel a bit stupid.
02:47How are you doing? How's school?
02:48Oh, it's college now.
02:49College! Good, well done.
02:52Yeah.
02:55No, but, um, I don't know her number.
02:58I mean, who knows numbers any more?
03:00But I remember she did that charity thing with Marie, you know?
03:02Remember the kids' breakfast thing?
03:04So I thought she might have it.
03:05Marie's in work.
03:06I know. So, could you...
03:19Clive, I'm busy. What is it?
03:21Yeah, I've got Leo from next door standing here.
03:24In his pants.
03:26Yeah, he's locked himself out.
03:27You know why that is, don't you?
03:30Cos Bridget was on WhatsApp two minutes ago.
03:32I'm trying to do the job, but it's ping, ping, ping.
03:34All about him from next door.
03:36Because you know what she said.
03:37Guess what she saw, Bridget?
03:42Was that right?
03:46What do you mean, running?
03:48Running out of the house.
03:50It was.
03:53And then what happened?
03:57Leo was running.
03:59Yeah, no, he said you've got his friend's number.
04:02But, um, Stephanie?
04:04Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
04:06Yeah, no, but she's got the key, so just, uh, text her to me.
04:10Bridget?
04:12Officer?
04:13She says there was a man came running out to your house.
04:16And then you came running after him, but he ran off, so, uh...
04:19That's how you got locked down.
04:20Right.
04:22Him.
04:24Morning.
04:25Hi.
04:26It's quite a night.
04:28We've never tried Gooning before.
04:30Not as a couple.
04:32Um, can I get you a coffee, or...?
04:35Yeah.
04:36Uh, black.
04:36Thanks.
04:38Eddie.
04:39Leo.
04:40And so on.
04:42Um, I'd offer you some toast, but I don't have anything in.
04:46I wasn't expecting anyone overnight.
04:48It might kind of surprise me, now that I'm complaining.
04:55Oh, yeah!
05:03Little...
05:03That was my friend, um, Eddie.
05:06And he was staying with me.
05:08And, uh, he went.
05:09I waved him goodbye.
05:11And that's when I, uh, took out the paper stuff, things, for the bin.
05:21Oh, well...
05:22Stephanie.
05:28I know, but I'm in my pants and I have to open up at work.
05:31I know you're busy.
05:32I'm sorry, but...
05:34Hold on.
05:36What are you doing?
05:39Um, I got...I got looked out.
05:43You weirdo.
05:47Steph, Steph, I'll take us away at Christmas.
05:48I swear, I'll pee.
05:49Just get me out of here.
05:57Right.
05:58Good.
05:59Uh, she has a key.
06:00Saul, I don't think you should be naked in front of Mr Struthers.
06:02Don't bother me.
06:03Yeah, well, it bothers me, so go and get some clothes on, eh?
06:09Hello!
06:09Hey!
06:11That's enough.
06:12I apologise for my son.
06:16Thanks.
06:22It's definitely...
06:23I'll be around in about 20 minutes just wrapping something up at work
06:25and then she's coming over.
06:26Just put the keys in an Uber.
06:27Ah, she thinks they're all anti-union.
06:29She won't touch them, so...
06:30All right, if I just wait here?
06:31No.
06:33OK, it's just...for 20 minutes.
06:35Yeah, no, I need to get to work in a bit.
06:37I can just sit and watch TV.
06:39Eh, George, what time are you at college?
06:41Eleven.
06:41Yeah, you can't sit here with him.
06:43Why not?
06:45You're sixteen.
07:05Are you going to get the jacket?
07:12Oh, Clive, next door, and he was not happy, let me tell you.
07:16His wife was almost angry.
07:19I'm surprised he's still together after what happened.
07:22There's a hook-up.
07:23God, Eddie, he nicked my laptop and ran off.
07:25I ran after him and got blocked out.
07:53I'm disgraceful.
07:54You're lucky.
07:55Could have been a lot worse.
07:56I mean, you're 60 next year.
07:58God's sake.
07:59I'm allowed to have fun.
08:01What, like this?
08:02Really?
08:04He's not coming back, Steph.
08:07Did you see on Instagram?
08:09Curtis in Italy.
08:10With her.
08:12So, why are we surprised?
08:14What happened next door with Clive Goss, Goss the boss?
08:17He slept with someone else.
08:19Did he?
08:20On holiday in a caravan park.
08:22Ew!
08:23I mean, imagine.
08:25I mean, what else is there to do but fuck around?
08:28If you think about it, they've got a son who's, what, 25,
08:33but the other one's only 15?
08:3516.
08:35So, that age gap means marriage in crisis.
08:38Having a young child never fixes anything.
08:41You eat too much cheese.
08:42Well, not anymore.
08:45How's work?
08:47It's insane.
08:49Thanks to you lot.
08:51What does that mean?
08:53That's all your fault, isn't it?
08:55What is?
08:58We got this kid in care now.
09:01He arrived in Britain in December, but he's on that scheme, so there's no records.
09:06Says he's 14.
09:08Is he fuck 14?
09:09He's got a moustache.
09:11He's got a beard.
09:12He's 21, at least.
09:14But he says he's 14, so 14 it is.
09:17And he is in there with kids, and he's taking the boys out drinking.
09:23Don't tell me there's no drugs.
09:25There are drugs.
09:27But it's the way he looks at the girls.
09:31And he's always outside the bathroom.
09:33Every time a girl has a shower, standing there, grinning.
09:35But that's just the beginning, because this boy, this man, is on top of the list to be fostered.
09:42Which means I have to process that application.
09:45And these foster families, they've got daughters.
09:49But what do I tell them?
09:51I can't warn them.
09:53I'm not allowed, because he says he's 14, and therefore it's a fact.
09:57So what can I do?
09:58Nothing.
10:00And how is this my fault?
10:02He self-identifies.
10:03These, which you lot invented.
10:06Thanks for your mock.
10:23Hey, how you doing?
10:25This is the love of my life.
10:27It would never work.
10:28Are you?
10:49Morning.
10:51What time do you call this?
10:53Judy out to open up, boss.
10:54I was waiting outside.
10:55Hello, Judy.
10:57Morning, everybody.
10:58Morning, boss.
10:59So, I finished here last night.
11:02I was going to go straight home.
11:03Then I thought, oh, quick little snifter at Monroe's.
11:06Met a man called Eddie.
11:08Tall, thin, hot.
11:10Chat, chat, chat.
11:11Ninety minutes later, took him home.
11:13You didn't.
11:14I did.
11:15Wild sex.
11:16I will draw a veil.
11:17Then this morning we get up, go downstairs.
11:19He grabs my laptop and runs.
11:22Into the street.
11:23I run after him.
11:24The door closes behind me.
11:25I'm locked out of my own house.
11:27Stark naked.
11:28Oh, my God.
11:29Stark bollock naked in the street.
11:32All I could do was steal a garden gnome from next door to hide my privates.
11:36I said to God, I'm in the middle of the street.
11:39My arse hanging out.
11:40And a garden gnome hiding my chemibadinox.
11:44Wait, there's more.
11:45There's more.
11:46So, I go next door.
11:47There's the neighbor's son.
11:49Fresh out of the shower.
11:51Dripping.
11:5225 years old, pink, wet, topless.
11:56Well, I tell you, all of a sudden, that garden gnome had a fishing rod.
12:01What a start to the day.
12:03I thank you.
12:16Hannah, what happened yesterday?
12:18I had a headache.
12:19Well, that is what the sick line is for.
12:22You don't ask Tanya to pass on a message.
12:24You phone the sick line because I've always got it.
12:27If I don't have it, Judy's got it.
12:28And we need to know properly so we can get cover.
12:30Understood?
12:31Yep.
12:32Good.
12:32What?
12:33This is Frederick.
12:34He's been waiting.
12:35You were supposed to interview him at half past.
12:37Oh, right, right.
12:39Ah, first customer of the day.
12:40Morning, Melba.
12:42The usual.
12:43Louise, can you sort out the dame?
12:45Good morning.
12:47So, Frederico, have you worked in a bar before?
12:49Yeah, I did two weeks at Pinnacle.
12:51Where'd you leave?
12:52Well, they sacked me.
12:53Good start.
12:54All right, let's do this on the hoof.
12:55Come behind the bar.
12:56Come on.
12:58So, what did Pinnacle pay you?
13:00Ten.
13:00We pay twelve, but that means you have to work for it.
13:03So, come on, show me.
13:04Get me a WKD, a gin and tonic, and vodka lime, both with ice.
13:08Except we don't have any ice.
13:09Mikey, can you get the ice?
13:10Morning, boss man.
13:12Basically, we're a speed bar.
13:13We don't do cocktails.
13:14The nearest thing we do is a blue lagoon, but not from a shaker.
13:18We don't have time for that.
13:18Just pour it straight into the glass.
13:20Do you know what's in a blue lagoon?
13:22No.
13:22Vodka, curacao, and lemonade.
13:25So, what do you do?
13:26Are you a student?
13:27Yeah.
13:27What are you studying?
13:28Philosophy.
13:29Ooh, philosophy.
13:31You know my philosophy?
13:32I can imagine.
13:33Fuck them all.
13:34I was right.
13:36Ah!
13:36Ah!
13:37Okay.
13:38Electric shock.
13:39Ah, see, well, you get that fuse box.
13:41I told you, boss, it's happening all the time.
13:44Ah.
13:44You all right, Freddy?
13:45It's a bit numb.
13:46Okay.
13:47Let's do a little test to see if you were listening.
13:49So, tell me, Fred, in a blue lagoon, there is vodka, curacao, and what?
13:55I've got no feeling in my hand.
13:57Have I lost you?
13:59It really shocked me.
14:02Do you want a little lie down in a glass of water, Freddy?
14:06Hannah, get this boy a seat.
14:08Go on, put your feet up, young man.
14:10You have just survived death by fridge.
14:12Yeah, I am a bit unsteady.
14:14I see.
14:14I see.
14:19I see.
14:28I see.
14:29Your tribe is the most beleaguered on the entire planet.
14:32And what do you do?
14:33The one thing that is guaranteed to annoy everyone.
14:36You fiddle about with your pronouns, and now everyone's pissed off with you.
14:39My GP stopped prescribing oestrogen.
14:41But never mind that, eh?
14:43You're pissed off about one little word.
14:45Yeah, I know.
14:47Okay.
14:47I'm getting old.
14:50Hello, sick line?
14:52Hiya.
14:54Frederick?
14:56You're calling in sick?
14:57I don't feel very well.
15:00The sick line is for employees.
15:01Yes.
15:02But, according to the employment law of 2024...
15:06Don't you dare!
15:06Despite the 26th Amendment...
15:08The fucking Labour government.
15:10We've got full workers' rights from day one, which starts at the point of interview.
15:14And I was just electrocuted.
15:16I should get compensation for that.
15:19You little...
15:23Okay.
15:25Freddy.
15:26I think you should go home and consider your position.
15:36Thank you for the interview.
15:39I'll let you know.
15:42You let him know.
15:43Legacy of Keir Bloody Starmer.
15:46You come to Manchester and run a bar, your lordship.
15:50Yeah.
15:50This is Leo.
15:51Over.
15:52Could you come up here, boss?
15:53We'll bring Z with you.
15:54We've got a problem.
15:55Over.
15:56What have you done now?
15:59Three a.m.
16:00We're locking up.
16:02That's when you said goodbye, Z.
16:04Me and Mikey head out the front.
16:07You slip into that quarter turn where there's no camera.
16:09And that's where you stay all night.
16:10Oh, I see.
16:12Darling.
16:13This morning, 9 a.m.
16:15I open up.
16:16I go upstairs.
16:17You pretend to arrive.
16:19And you shout upstairs, say hello.
16:21And I said hello.
16:22So, you slept in that tiny little space.
16:26I thought you were the clever one.
16:27What happened?
16:30They said they were going to kill me.
16:34This Polish lad moved in.
16:36And he was all right at first.
16:38But then three of his mates moved in.
16:40So, it was a house here with four of them.
16:41And one of me.
16:43And we'd laugh, you know.
16:47But then they said we were like brothers.
16:49Oh, they knew.
16:51And then it gets worse.
16:54They get drunk, start banging on my door every night.
16:58I'm going to fuck you, little boy.
16:59Jesus.
17:02First lad, Mikhail.
17:04He said, I am going to fuck you until you're dead.
17:13From that moment on, they just want to kill me.
17:15He said they were going to cut my throat.
17:19Can't you go to the police?
17:20Yeah.
17:21I'll really help.
17:22You can stay with Ashraf.
17:24He's got a room.
17:24You can stay there.
17:25I'll have a word.
17:26All my stuff's in that house.
17:29Then let's go get it.
17:32Okay, everybody.
17:34Please.
17:34Don't sit.
17:42Are they in?
17:43They'll be asleep.
17:44Be getting at four.
17:45Sleep till four.
17:47Just keep quiet.
17:50All right, let's go.
18:11Shh, be quiet.
18:13I'm sorry.
18:19Come on.
18:28This is not a room.
18:29It's a box.
18:31They all live like this.
18:32The kids, this is what we did to them.
18:43Good afternoon, my friend.
18:45We're not causing any trouble here.
18:47Just helping out a colleague.
18:49Just a few texts and we'll be gone.
18:52You know, I've always wanted to visit Poland.
18:54What would you recommend?
18:56Michael!
18:57Come on, quick.
18:58Michael!
18:59Quick, come on.
19:00Jen!
19:03Who are you in my house?
19:05Who the fuck are you, granddad?
19:07You try it.
19:08You fucking try it.
19:11You're not there.
19:12Ah, the ladyboy.
19:14I'm going to fuck you with that big stick, ladyboy.
19:17I'm telling you.
19:22I can't stop all of you.
19:24But you, Bartek, I can get you, you little twat.
19:28And they can kill me and rip my head off my body.
19:31But before I die, I will batter your tiny little skull into pieces, you fucking prick.
19:44Jesus Christ!
19:45Jeni, run!
19:48Go, go, go, go, go.
19:49Go, go, go.
19:50You got a gun.
19:51I'm licensed to kill 22 types of blood in my own back garden.
19:57Look out!
20:02What the hell, Jeni?
20:06You can't just stop.
20:08I know what I'm doing.
20:08My uncle was a bodyguard to the Shah of Iran.
20:11Beauty!
20:12Drive the car!
20:13Oh, my God!
20:14This is all, kids!
20:18Look at that!
20:19Oh, my God!
20:21Oh, my God!
20:21That's great!
20:22That's amazing!
20:23Oh, my God!
20:24I'm amazing!
20:25I'm amazing!
20:36I'm amazing!
20:38I'm amazing!
21:10Well, give us your key, then.
21:13You said you had a spare key.
21:14You might as well give it to me, might you?
21:17Well, I'm not going to lock myself out again, Clive.
21:20Oh, whatever you do.
21:24OK.
21:26There you go.
21:27What's your alarm code?
21:32Yeah, OK, 1502.
21:341502.
21:35Oh, and my code?
21:39What a day I've had.
21:42Thanks very much for this morning.
21:45That's very kind of you.
21:47So do I get a key for yours?
21:49You wish.
21:57You wish.
22:02Well, I don't know what to do here.
22:08You mean by the своим?
22:12I need the students.
22:26I'm going to swap this with Donna and go upstairs. Is that okay?
22:29Okay, sure. Anything wrong?
22:30There's a boy over there.
22:31Don't look.
22:32Polo shirt. I teach him.
22:34Has he seen you?
22:35Look straight through me.
22:37Think he's good?
22:38No chance. He's out to impress the girls.
22:41But if he recognises me, I'm in trouble.
22:43Not just at school.
22:45Never mind that I'm his teacher.
22:46He knows where I live.
22:48When you go.
22:49See you later, boss.
22:53Okay.
22:55I'm off.
22:56Night net says that gang of gypsies has moved to Dean's Gate instead.
22:59So I think we're going to be safe.
23:01So I will love you and leave you, my peasants.
23:03Same.
23:04Boss.
23:06Oh.
23:26Happy birthday, Melba.
23:31Hello, girl.
23:33Hiya.
23:34Hey, boys.
23:37The door is so good.
23:37Oh, this is too much getting sugar.
23:39There you are.
23:41Oh, I feel like having a good time.
23:42I feel like you're going to come in.
23:44Come on.
24:08Oh, so I went to the opticians the other day
24:13because you've got to look after your eyes, haven't you?
24:16He says, Miss Dixie, you've got to stop wanking.
24:20I said, why will I go blind?
24:23He says, no, you're upsetting everybody in the waiting room.
24:27Oh, you've been a lovely audience, you really have.
24:30But before you go, did you see in the news this week
24:34that poor old lady in Levinjune found dead in her flat?
24:37No one to care for her.
24:39I mean, what a world we live in, eh, girls?
24:41So just be kind, darlings, be kind.
24:43Oh, for fuck's sake.
24:45You got something to say, darling?
24:46Don't pretend to care, you fucking Tory.
24:50I've seen you up in a little barn.
24:53You haven't just got two cars, you've got two fucking garages.
24:56Oh, a tiny bit of jealousy.
24:58She's greener than wicked, that one.
25:00Your husband has money, no, no, has money in care homes
25:04that stand women up in the bathroom
25:06and hose them down with cold water.
25:09This, ladies and gentlemen, is Melba.
25:13Melba, mediocre.
25:15She's not bitter at all, is she?
25:17Oh, shut up.
25:18I mean, I'm not saying she's old and past it,
25:20but she were young when Moses were alive.
25:22That's not even the right fucking joke.
25:25She was old when Moses was alive, not young.
25:28Come on, get out.
25:29She was old.
25:30You're just a back-in-basement, back late.
25:32Do you even know what drag is?
25:35This lipstick, these fucking eyelashes.
25:39It's a protest.
25:40Come on.
25:40No, it's a scream.
25:42Let's get you out.
25:43It's a punch in the face.
25:44Shut up, Heidi, darling.
25:46It's not Margaret fucking Thatcher.
25:48Get out, you skanky bitch, you bard.
25:54That's where I met Harry, on that corner right there, in 1992.
26:00I'd only been in Manchester just over the year.
26:03I never met him.
26:04I don't suppose you would have,
26:05because he finished with me in 1994.
26:08And then he phones me up one month later,
26:12one month to the day,
26:14and says, um,
26:16I'm positive.
26:17Get yourself tested.
26:18Remember those calls.
26:20Ah.
26:20And then I tested positive.
26:26I thought I was dying.
26:28Well, in 1994 I was dying.
26:30So I phoned him back.
26:32Answer phone.
26:34Phoned him back again.
26:35Phoned him back again.
26:39He never picked up.
26:41Ever.
26:43Then he moved away and back to London, gone.
26:46Six years later I find out he's dead.
26:49Someone just mentions it in passing.
26:55Cunt.
26:56No, we're not meant to blame.
26:57No.
26:58He was a cunt.
27:02You should have looked this way, darling.
27:07I loved you since the day I first saw you.
27:09Not that little Scottish lad with eyes like a fox.
27:16I live in hope.
27:19I do not melt by her.
27:27Happy birthday.
27:28Happy birthday.
27:31I do, though.
27:37Do you ever think it's coming back?
27:40All that shit from the 90s.
27:43You were despised, but you read the stuff online now, it sounds just the same.
27:46Do I think it's coming back?
27:48Yeah.
27:48It's back, you fucking idiot.
27:52Right now it's here.
27:54It's a storm.
27:55It's a tide.
27:56It's a great big tsunami.
27:57We're in the middle of it right now.
27:59Do I think it's coming back?
28:01You know, if you'd asked me in 1996, what do you think 2026 will be like?
28:05I'd have said glory days.
28:07We'll have equality.
28:09We'll have love and kisses.
28:10We'll be holding hands, skipping down the streets.
28:16They tricked us, didn't they?
28:19They just waited.
28:21Oh, they let us all come out.
28:23So now we're standing in the open, ready for them to shoot us down.
28:27Do you think that?
28:28Really?
28:29Look at me.
28:29I'm as out and as proud as anything, but past couple of years,
28:35I'm going to look more careful.
28:37You just started a great big round.
28:40On Canal Street.
28:42Home turf.
28:44But out there.
28:46I used to walk into a room and just go, ta-da.
28:51Now I tiptoe.
28:54Just in case.
28:59You know the awful thing?
29:03Now, I don't have to care as much.
29:05Not anymore.
29:07Because I've done my bit.
29:09I have fought the good fight very many times.
29:13Thank you very much.
29:14HIV, section 28, the boat and seven.
29:18Oh, bless them.
29:19And the little leather slings.
29:21I have marched.
29:25That's someone else's turn.
29:27One of those bright young things.
29:30They can man the barricades.
29:31Or woman the barricades.
29:32Or them the barricades.
29:34I mean, I'll be 60 next year.
29:3860?
29:40In a couple of years, I can retire.
29:42And remember the golden days.
29:44You're kidding yourself, yeah?
29:46If there's a war, you're on the front line, my darling.
29:50You have trans bar stuff.
29:53That's the battleground right there.
29:54Yeah, I love my stuff.
29:56And as a result, look at trip advisor for your place.
29:59There they are.
30:00Regular as the morning shit.
30:02Post after post calling you a pedo and a groomer
30:05because they say you pay chemically castrated children
30:10to work for you.
30:11You're just boss.
30:11No, that's women.
30:12Women who are furious and with good reason.
30:15But no, don't starve me.
30:17And men, grown men typing away with a big fist.
30:20Yeah, but it's just that, typing.
30:21The president of America has given these men
30:25permission to attack us.
30:30Leo, you're queer in 2026.
30:33You're a political act.
30:35Yeah, but it'll swing back.
30:37We do this.
30:38We go through history.
30:39We swing one way.
30:40We swing the other.
30:42Conservative, then Labour.
30:43Republicans, then Democrats.
30:44Just give it time, though.
30:49We'll settle.
30:50Is that what history teaches you?
30:53Yeah, it does.
30:56I think history's merciless.
30:59And it only goes one way, onwards.
31:03It marches on and on and on.
31:07And what if this never swings back?
31:10What if Trump just keeps on winning forever and ever?
31:13How far will it go?
31:14How much will they hate us?
31:16Because they hate us, Leo.
31:18They really hate us.
31:19And do you know what?
31:21I think they've always hated us.
31:24Only now, they don't have to pretend anymore.
31:27No.
31:28History tells us one thing.
31:31That blood and fire and retribution always happen.
31:37And right now,
31:40it's coming for us.
31:42I think it's coming for you.
31:43I think it's coming for you.
31:43Yeah.
33:27OK.
33:29I was thinking, er, barrier.
33:34I don't know, is that good?
33:35Yeah, it should be, yeah.
33:36Yeah, I'll get on with it.
33:38Do you ever wear any clothes?
33:40Yeah, I should.
33:41Yeah, go on, piss off.
33:43I don't need your help.
33:45You leave the hard work to me, eh?
33:57I fucking let myself in.
34:01I fucking let myself in.
34:03God.
34:04Bloody ghosts.
34:05My fucking house.
34:11Right, it's done.
34:12Yeah, yeah, let me show you.
34:15So the key's in there, right?
34:17You put in 1502.
34:18Open it up.
34:19There's your key.
34:20You put it back in.
34:22Close it.
34:23Bob's your uncle.
34:24And that won't attract burglars, because they know there's a key there.
34:27I mean, you can't force it open.
34:28Does that become a problem?
34:30I'll take it down if you want.
34:31No.
34:33It's up now.
34:34I'll get out of your way.
34:36Right, it was 17.99, all right?
34:38But I got you another key.
34:39That was a fiver.
34:40So it's 22.99, and I'm not charging you for labour.
34:44All right?
34:45Cash okay?
34:47If I've got it.
35:00You're not working today?
35:01Oh, yeah.
35:02No, I am.
35:04Saturday's our busiest night.
35:05Working till 4am.
35:06You can call that work, eh?
35:07Dishing out drinks all day.
35:10Do you know how many people I employ?
35:1245.
35:13Fuck.
35:14I do.
35:15It's a bar.
35:16So?
35:17You do not employ 45.
35:20There's 15 girls just rotating at the door.
35:22Then there's managers, bar staff, security, cleaners.
35:24How many are you?
35:26It's just me.
35:27Oh, well, nice life.
35:28And you didn't have to increase national insurance for 45 people.
35:32No, but I have to cope with maritime law.
35:33What's that?
35:34Ah, you see, you don't know everything.
35:36Under maritime law, you can sail into this country from Romania
35:39without any qualifications, and you can take my job from under my nose.
35:42Because you can work as an electrician with no credentials.
35:45How is that maritime law?
35:47Because we're an island.
35:52I did think, um...
35:54If you don't mind, I was going to say,
35:56do you need any work doing?
35:58You know, in the bar.
36:00Because I'm a bit short of hours.
36:02And it's not a good time.
36:04And those boys, they cost a fortune.
36:06And Maurice, he's always nagging at me.
36:08So, I'll do a good price.
36:09Ah, no.
36:10We're fine. Sorry.
36:11No, well, if we're going to ask...
36:12No, I'm really sorry.
36:13No, it's fine.
36:14It's fine.
36:15Just...
36:16You hear of anything.
36:19How's Curtis?
36:21Oh, er...
36:22I don't know.
36:23Ask him.
36:25Fine.
36:26How long's he been gone?
36:29Two years.
36:30Maurice said he ran off with a woman.
36:32Began a relationship with someone else, yes.
36:35That must have been a blow to your manhood.
36:37Well, it turns out I can get a blow to my manhood any time I like.
36:40There you go.
36:41You see, you had to make it dirty, didn't you?
36:42And every time it's always sex with you lot.
36:44I find it revolting, you know, this time of day.
36:46Oh, right.
36:46So that's us, is it?
36:47That's the gays.
36:48We're all sex.
36:49You had a man running out of your house with my children sitting next door.
36:53OK, so I sleep around.
36:56I'm the one who sleeps around.
36:58In this room, the person who sleeps around is me.
37:04What do you get there?
37:05What do you think?
37:10What do you mean?
37:13Oh, nothing, never mind.
37:14Er, 25 quid.
37:15Thanks.
37:17Was it a real woman?
37:19What?
37:20With Curtis, because these days it might not be.
37:23You know what I mean?
37:23He said if he's gay, he'd run off with a man who calls himself a woman,
37:27or a woman who used to be a man,
37:28because it's all he, she, they and them now, isn't it?
37:31So we can't tell.
37:32Well, you know who started all that, don't you?
37:33Huh?
37:33You.
37:35What?
37:36I did that.
37:37Yeah, you.
37:37All of you.
37:38All this fuss with pronouns.
37:40It was always you lot.
37:42From the moment we are born, in the schoolyard,
37:44it's always you staring at us saying,
37:46what are you then, a boy or a girl?
37:47You a boy or a girl?
37:48What are you, a boy or a girl?
37:49Six years old, if you're not playing football,
37:51it's like, what are you, some sort of girl?
37:53All our lives, what are you, what are you, what are you?
37:55And then guess what?
37:56We say, okay, fine, you win, you're right, we'll do what you want.
37:59If we are so confusing, then I'll become a she, she can be a he,
38:02and if that doesn't work, I can become a them.
38:04What do you think?
38:04Happy now?
38:05Well, guess what?
38:05No.
38:06It's all, how dare you change?
38:08How dare you be different?
38:09How dare you not know?
38:11We did exactly what you wanted, and you still don't fucking like it.
38:17And now we'll have my change, please.
38:19I gave you 25 quid, so 22.99, that's two pounds and one penny you owe me, please.
38:23Clive, thank you.
38:24Oh, I'll go get it.
38:25Yeah, you'd do that.
38:53Hey.
38:54Two pounds, one penny.
38:57Look, all right, I don't...
38:58No, no, no, no, it's all my fault.
39:00Apparently.
39:02He has never said so.
39:03Have a nice day.
39:05I do need a spot of work.
39:09There's some dodgy wiring at the bar, so, yeah, thank you.
39:13I'd be very grateful.
39:15Yeah, well, no mates rates.
39:17Well, we're not mates.
39:20All right, we'll drop us a text and we'll sort it.
39:22You know what I mean?
39:23If I've got time, like...
39:25OK.
39:31I'm in need of you
39:33Jesus Christ.
39:49I'm in need of you.
39:52I'm in need of you.
39:54I'm in need of you.
40:04I don't know.
40:38I don't know.
41:07I don't know.
41:28I don't know.
41:33I don't know.
42:05I don't know.
42:45I don't know.
43:01I don't know.
43:16I don't know.
43:16I don't know.
43:25I don't know.
44:08I don't know.
44:23Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, out, out, out.
44:25You can look down on women.
44:27Fuck off.
44:27Good, Clyde.
44:29Whoa.
44:31I still love you.
44:32I think you lot are so full of all your freedoms.
44:35You don't know when to stop.
44:42You all right?
44:42I don't know.
44:44Sit at home.
44:44I'm so scared.
44:52I'm so scared.
44:54I'm so scared.
44:55You're so scared.
44:56You're so scared.
45:00I'm so scared.
45:37Transcription by CastingWords
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