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00:08Had I the heavens embroidered cloths, enwrought with golden and silver light, the blue and
00:14the dyne and the dark cloths of night, and light and the half-light, I would spread the
00:19cloths under your feet.
00:20But I, being poor, have only my dreams.
00:23I have spread my dreams under your feet.
00:25Tread softly.
00:26For God's sake, Shelley, not again.
00:29CUT!
00:29You can't fucking run in on a task.
00:31CUT!
00:32There's something on your lip.
00:33Looks like your lunch.
00:34Seriously, I shouldn't have taken a chance on you.
00:37Did we get it?
00:38I think we got the first bit.
00:39Let's take five and get those landscapes.
00:41We'll pick up the Declan shots tomorrow.
00:43Right.
00:44Declan!
00:45Her first television shoot and you treat her like crap all day?
00:48Perhaps my producer should have hired a proper makeup girl.
00:50I'm saving money so you can have your Irish locations.
00:53You're gonna screw your own show if you don't stop being an asshole.
00:56You shouldn't call my dad an asshole.
00:57Actually, Patrick, I called your father an asshole because he's being an asshole and you shouldn't
01:02tell your producer what to do.
01:04This isn't about Shelley.
01:06It's about Maude and I'm not gonna watch you take your frustrations out on us because
01:10your marriage imploded.
01:11Fuck you!
01:13Well, that's poetic.
01:14Ooh.
01:15Is it Yates?
01:44Cool Dolph?
01:52it is magical here is this where you grew up no but we came here the year before we had
01:58patrick maude and i it was a beautiful summer we swam we had too much we drank too much
02:04i was two years younger than patrick is now
02:09this is a very long time ago look i uh
02:15i shouldn't have lost my temper i shouldn't have sworn at you in front of the crew
02:25how long were you standing there long enough
02:35david edwards known as bar bar woolly rams bottom of the cotswold looney party 317 votes
02:45gerald middleton conservative party 36 106 votes i do hereby declare that gerald middleton is
02:55duly elected member of parliament for chalford and visley
02:59not staying to congratulate him doesn't need me tarnishing his reputation anyway i have a date
03:41i have a date with bbc one's top dog as achilles fled i brought the mark am i detecting an
03:48ambush
03:49didn't you know squash was invented at haru
04:13before the pm invited me to resign we got on splendidly which is how i know aren't you
04:17beefs hanging by a thread, and you've been tasked with making programs the public actually
04:21want to walk. So I've had an idea that I think might be worth your while. Game ball.
04:33Okay, I'm listening. So should we stop flirting and get into practical?
05:00I apologize to Shelly. I'll have brunch.
05:12Hello darling, I hope you're wearing something tiny. Darling, I'm not wearing anything at all.
05:17Yeah, I thought it was Cameron's room. It is, we're working.
05:20Excellent. Good you're together, because I have tremendous news.
05:22It's Rupert. He has tremendous news.
05:24I have personally secured Ventura a prime time slot on BBC One.
05:28Wait, what? Your BBC pal Jeremy and I agree that if there's one thing the British love,
05:33it's famous people being silly on television. Preferably famous people with a past, so I thought
05:38use my fall from grace for Ventura's benefit. Uh, wait there. Um, be that.
05:45No, no. What's he saying?
05:46They would like an hour special, entertainment, family fun, traditional Englishness for this
05:51matter of sex appeal. The BBC dumpty eights because of you, I know they want your sex appeal.
05:57And yours. Rupert, what are you talking about?
05:59Oh, hello darling, we have a slot.
06:00Before Howard's Way, last Sunday in September. Jeremy says film it the week before, keep it fresh.
06:05No, we'll still be in Ireland then.
06:06Finish early. We can't finish early.
06:08This is a huge boon for Ventura, which you're no longer a part of.
06:14Declan, your poetry thingy is great, but only for bookworms.
06:18Really, this is prime time BBC with a Ventura logo.
06:21Just get Cameron to do a ball breaker act and hurry them along, okay, Declan?
06:23No.
06:29The hell no.
06:33I'm calling him back, actually. No, I'm telling him he's being a dumbass.
06:36No, he's right. The documentary is elitist. That's why we like it.
06:41But this could show them that we could do everything.
06:56Hello.
06:57Okay, we can do it, but you have massive mountains to move.
07:01Who have you spoken to to be involved?
07:04Mrs. O'Hara, what does it mean to be working in television after all your years in the theatre?
07:09It's an honour to be part of such a beloved show.
07:11What can you tell our readers about series three?
07:14Well, we're keeping the storylines under wraps, but as Lady Arabella,
07:18it will be my job to keep these boys in line. So I'll enjoy that.
07:24And how does your husband feel about you working for Lord Battingham?
07:29Oh, Simon, you had to ask.
07:30Declan has his career, and I have mine.
07:33I don't know much about television franchises, but I do know a great script when I read one.
07:44Happy.
07:45Couldn't be happier if he was eating out of your hand. Well done.
07:48It's not at lunch.
07:49It's 10.30 in the morning. I'm wanted at a costume fitting.
07:52You're wanted in lots of places.
07:55As early as the offer is, Tony, I think I should lunch at home.
08:00Declan waiting for you?
08:01No, he's off shooting in Ireland. The house is like a ghost town, but nevertheless.
08:05As a professional.
08:06You and I both know that that is not true.
08:12Ready for your morning.
08:13Oh, thank you.
08:18Monica!
08:21I've been persuaded to appear on How to Stay Married.
08:24It's ridiculous.
08:26Are you learning your lines?
08:27No. Tony wrote some things down for me. I'm really not used to this sort of thing. Going on television.
08:35Just smile and be yourself.
08:38Well, myself would be at home with the dogs. I don't know how you do it.
08:42That was rampant narcissism.
08:45How's four men, Kay?
08:47It's nerve-wracking.
08:48You'll be wonderful. You always are. That's why I suggested you for Titania.
08:55Monica.
08:56Do I look all right?
08:59You feel awfully overdone.
09:01You need a lot more than normal when you're on TV. It's the studio lights.
09:14Five, four, three.
09:20Good evening, and welcome to How to Stay Married, with me, James Verica.
09:25And me, Lizzie, his wife.
09:27And on tonight's series finale, we talk to a couple very close to our hearts.
09:32The Carinium's Managing Director and Chairman, Lord Tony Vaddingham, and his good wife, Lady Monica Vaddingham.
09:37Now, Monica, you've been married for 19 years, is that right?
09:41Oh, goodness, is it that long?
09:43Cut to camera too.
09:44Well, no, of course I know how long we've been married. It's just a...
09:48Time flies when you're having fun.
09:49Why is he putting her through this?
09:51Family values.
09:52Nothing at all to do with the franchise bid.
09:54Well, I couldn't have hoped for a better wife. Monica's always understood the job that I do.
09:58The late nights, the long working lunches, last-minute trips to London, all that part and parcel of a television
10:04executive life.
10:06But I couldn't have done it without her patience, her steadfast support.
10:10Poor Monica.
10:11Monica's my rock.
10:12She looks appalling.
10:14So, help us.
10:16You seem to have cracked the code.
10:18What's the secret to a perfect marriage?
10:20Oh, there's no secret, really. It's actually quite simple.
10:23You have to be respectful of each other. Never take each other for granted.
10:28Infinite forgiveness.
10:31Communication.
10:31Yes, and never bottle things up.
10:34Fabulous.
10:35And it's marriage.
10:36It takes work. You have to let each other grow and change and still be the person who loves them
10:43best of all.
10:44Knowing that whatever they do, they're most at home when they're with you.
10:52Whatever they do.
10:54Not that Tony would ever. We've always been absolutely devoted to each other.
11:01Well, that's just lovely.
11:02So would you both agree that honesty is the best policy?
11:05Oh, it's the only policy. For any relationship. Wise words for a wise man. We're a couple.
11:10Wise comments.
11:10You okay, Mummy?
11:11It's not finished.
11:13Um, the dogs need to go out.
11:14Very lucky lady. All done, Lady Battingham.
11:22Darling.
11:25Well, I can't think why that makeup girl put all that stuff on my face.
11:28I look like a birthday cake.
11:30You didn't at all. I'm sorry, you're uncomfortable.
11:32Well, my sister's going to have a field date when she sees it.
11:34Araminta would give her right arm to be on television.
11:37And that's the arm she drinks with.
11:40Well, darling, I can't thank you enough for doing this silly little show with me.
11:43We're winning this thing, thanks to you.
11:45Good. Well, I'm glad it's all over.
11:48If you're working late tonight,
11:50I wonder whether it might be better for you to move your things back into your room.
11:55So that you don't wake me up when you come to bed.
12:00Well, of course don't.
12:03Come on, dog.
12:05Thomas.
12:21Come on.
12:24Come on.
12:26Come on.
12:27Come on.
13:01Late night at the office, is it?
13:04Last minute trip to London, the television executive life.
13:10I suppose this would class as attending to the needs of my biggest star.
13:14My needs?
13:18Are you going to invite me in?
13:24I don't know what happens if I allow you to cross the threshold.
13:29Shall we try it right now?
13:45I don't seem to have burst into flames. Have you?
13:53I don't know that I've been in this house since your husband left Carinium.
13:57No, and for good reason.
13:59Have they all left you by yourself?
14:02Taggy's at a catering gig.
14:04Declan's still in Ireland.
14:06But I have a very stupid dog to protect me, so don't be trying anything.
14:11I wouldn't do.
14:14I heard you're playing.
14:17Play for me.
14:31Oh, these are wonderful.
14:33I hope they were 25 years ago.
14:36You've been a lot of people, haven't you?
14:39You've been a lot of different hysterical women.
14:43Do you ever forget who you are?
14:45Only when I'm not acting.
14:59I've been a few times and I've been in this house.
15:00I've been a few times.
15:01Yes.
15:15Okay?
15:27That might be from 25 years ago,
15:29but you're far more beautiful now.
15:33Oh, you say all the right things.
15:35Let me see it.
15:36You should see yourself.
15:37You're exquisite.
15:38I wish I could take a picture of you now.
15:40Didn't have you down as a photographer?
15:42I will have you now.
15:43Before I sold myself advertising,
15:45I was a professional.
15:48Pounding the streets of New York
15:49with a camera bag full of ideals.
15:53You're laughing at me having ideals.
15:54No, I just didn't know you were a photographer.
15:58Well, I really wasn't.
16:01At 15, I bought my first camera.
16:03Birthday money.
16:04I took it everywhere.
16:05Told my dad I wanted to be a photographer.
16:07It was the first time I'd been honest
16:09about not following him into the family business
16:11he'd worked so hard to build.
16:15Dad, Gora got the camera.
16:17I pulled the film out in a long spiral.
16:20Still sees face as he did it.
16:23Camera ended up out the window,
16:25smashed on the drive.
16:26I didn't say a word about it after that.
16:29I didn't stop you doing it.
16:33I do tend to go after what I want.
16:48Gorgon?
16:49Open your shirt.
16:51More than half your audience are female.
16:53We like chest hair.
16:54Really?
16:55Well, if it's good enough for Tom Selleck.
17:03Is that true?
17:05Just hair.
17:06Women love the rug.
17:13Sex on a stick.
17:17On a horse.
17:41Taggy's not here to force you to eat,
17:42so corned beef and mustard.
17:44Goodbye.
17:47Natalie Perrault from Mum's Play.
17:50She won't like that.
17:52Your mother doesn't work for Ventra.
17:55I don't like it either,
17:56but Natalie's still so mad for Rupert
17:58that I've convinced her agent
17:59that she'll host just for the exposure.
18:00Host what?
18:01Have you two finally decided on what it is?
18:03Yeah.
18:04Take a seat.
18:04So, you ask the man on the street
18:08what Rupert is famous for,
18:10and they say...
18:10Bonking his way around, person.
18:12Excuse me?
18:13Next famous.
18:15An unhealthy need to win.
18:17You could put it like that.
18:18I'd call it competitiveness.
18:21So our new show is the ultimate competition.
18:24A medieval tournament
18:25pitting a team of Rupert's glamorous pals...
18:28Glamorous international pals.
18:31...against a team captained by yours truly.
18:33A cheeky nod to British history.
18:35Winners get prizes.
18:36Losers get gunged.
18:37Hopefully Rupert.
18:39We also sell it to NBC.
18:41They're already keen.
18:42The Golden Gauntlet as a title.
18:45Only the bold...
18:46...will win the gold.
18:50Cameron, can we talk about the colour
18:52and the consistency of the gunge?
18:54Sure.
18:55Nice work today.
18:56Yes, well done.
18:57Good night.
18:57Good night.
19:01Isn't it a huge risk
19:02letting Rupert set this up
19:03while you're away?
19:06Everyone deserves a second chance.
19:08Not everyone, it seems.
19:11Perhaps it's time
19:13you gave up on you and Cameron.
19:15Do you ever give up on Mum?
19:22Remember, Fred Fred,
19:23no cigars or cigarettes at work.
19:25Tomorrow's world says
19:26that smoking causes cancer.
19:27Yep.
19:29Love you too, Val.
19:45Dad?
19:46Isn't that my field?
19:49Be a dickman!
19:51Be a dickman!
19:59Mr. Jones,
20:00reception really shouldn't have
20:01let you up here.
20:02The lobby is not to be disturbed.
20:05No.
20:07Freddy!
20:09One of our fax machines, lovely.
20:11I was buying that field for shallowing.
20:13Oh, yes.
20:14Because something is such fun.
20:15Ladies and gentlemen,
20:16give Ginger an eye, man.
20:17Unless all the testosterone.
20:22What the fuck are you planning on, Tony?
20:25Always be on the lookout
20:26for new business opportunities.
20:27You know that.
20:29And every certain betting on the States
20:30will make a bucket of money for me.
20:32And, uh,
20:34wonderful daily view for you.
20:36What's the house called again?
20:37Bella Vista?
20:43Can't stand this point, you mock kids.
20:46Fucking Tony.
20:48I can't believe you shared jeans with that fucker.
20:50Mate, jeans and I would like to apologise.
20:53Come on, me, not my brother's a world-class shit.
20:55Well, we need to keep our wits about us.
20:58Rupert,
20:59that's why the golden gauntlet needs to be great.
21:01And then, boom,
21:02you're back in business.
21:04All that lot changed their tune.
21:05Just you wait.
21:06I do feel awful for Taggy, though.
21:08I mean, what are they thinking?
21:09What was he thinking?
21:11Well, it looks like the O'Hara's
21:12forgot Taggy's birthday today.
21:13The whole lot of them.
21:14What?
21:14Poor Taggy.
21:15What's that about Taggy?
21:16Her birthday today, by the way.
21:1821st and all.
21:19I mean, we all remember Patrick's 21st.
21:21He had a five-some that night.
21:23Happy New Year.
21:24I walked into that.
21:26Disgusting.
21:38What are you doing here?
21:40Oh, God, it's raining.
21:41Come in.
21:42Well, um...
21:44I heard it was someone's 21st birthday.
21:47It is?
21:48But, um...
21:48Daddy's away, so...
21:50Yeah, um...
21:52I'm sorry, though.
21:53You should have a party as big as Patrick's.
21:54This place is packed.
21:56I don't want a party.
21:57It's okay.
21:59How have you been?
22:00Flying by the seat of my job post, as usual.
22:02Everyone seems very excited about your golden gauntlet.
22:05Are Tabamarka's coming?
22:06Um, well...
22:08Helen would never allow that.
22:10Baby steps.
22:12Uh...
22:13Picnic's making a noise.
22:15That's...
22:16Because it's not a picnic.
22:19It's...
22:20Your birthday present.
22:22Oh, my...
22:29Oh, my goodness.
22:30He's gorgeous.
22:32Oh, he's very affectionate.
22:33Oh, there's your good taste.
22:38Thank you so much.
22:39He's adorable.
22:42Oh, Rude.
22:44Here's a surprise.
22:46Hey, you beat me to it.
22:47Uh, Baz told it was my birthday, too.
22:50He's brought over dinner.
22:51I'm sure it could stretch.
22:52It's chicken and pesto.
22:53Lots of basil.
22:57Um...
22:58No, I've got plans.
23:00But enjoy the, um...
23:01Presto.
23:02Presto.
23:03Uh, thank you for the pubby.
23:06Oh!
23:08Oh, it's cute.
23:09Gertrude!
23:10Gertrude.
23:11Come on.
23:11Say hello.
23:12Look at that.
23:13It's very affectionate.
23:14Oh!
23:15Happy birthday, Angel.
23:28Naughty note for the milkman.
23:31I'm bloated on camera.
23:33James is switching me to semi-scheme.
23:36Wanker.
23:36Careful.
23:37Wanker's watching.
23:42Oh.
23:43Oh.
23:43Now, listen.
23:43Um, I know it means crossing enemy lines, but...
23:47Will you come and watch the filming tomorrow?
23:48Between us, I'm not at all sure of my reception.
23:51And Freddy's gonna be there.
23:53They're meant to be staying away from each other.
23:55Well, Mrs. Makepeace needs volunteers for the Brownies refreshment store.
23:59You could wrangle the Ribena.
24:01Wrangle the Ribena.
24:02Mm-hmm.
24:03Very good.
24:05Ah, I'll think about it.
24:11Good girl.
24:14Oh, no, no, no.
24:16You don't need semi-scheme.
24:34What did that hooligan want?
24:35Ah, I think he just wanted to see a friendly face.
24:37Well, I'm forbidding you to fraternise with him from now on.
24:41Oh, and Lizzie.
24:42Mm-hmm?
24:43Please don't use my bath pearls without asking.
24:45There were eight here last night, now there's only three.
24:47A little bit of a selfish Sally, don't you think?
24:53Well, before I leave you all to catch the overnight ferry, I just want to say this shoot has been
24:56the best.
24:57Yay!
24:58To be honest, when I first worked with Cameron and Declan, whoa, the way they snapped at each other, I
25:06was gobsmacked.
25:07But all of that passion, that is gold dust.
25:11And if just one speck of that has made it into our programme, I'm sure it'll be a smash.
25:16So, I would like to propose a toast to Cameron and Declan.
25:21Cameron and Declan!
25:22To beautiful Ireland.
25:24To Ireland!
25:32I don't know, I'm too old for that.
25:34Oh, come on, you're not that old.
25:38She's a very kinky girl.
25:41The kind who don't take hold to my bar.
25:45She will never let your spirits down.
25:48Once you get her off the street.
25:50Ow, girl.
25:51She likes the boys in the band.
25:54She says that I'm her all-time favourite.
25:58When I make my move to her room, it's the right time.
26:02She's never hiding please.
26:04Ow, no.
26:05That girl is pretty wild, no.
26:07Girls are super great.
26:10Bento?
26:13Ah.
26:17What do you think?
26:19Hmm.
26:20I think you could take a better photograph.
26:23Actually, I got you something.
26:34The Camberboys put me onto this photography shop.
26:37I hoped it might be like the one your dad smashed.
26:42I'm sorry.
26:43I can take it back.
26:45My father didn't smash it.
26:47Oh, you threw it out the window?
26:48I said it went out of the window.
26:50I threw it as an alternative to smashing it into his face.
27:08I'm touched.
27:23Okay.
27:42Oh!
27:50Y'all pretty ladies
27:52Around the wild
27:54Got a weird thing to do
27:56So tell all the boys and girls
27:57Tell your brother, your sister, and your mama too
28:01Cause they're about to throw down
28:03And you know just what to do
28:05With your hands in the air
28:07Like you don't care
28:09Blinded by the people
28:10As they start to look and stare
28:12Do your dance
28:13Do your dance
28:14Do your dance
28:16With my mama
28:17Come on baby
28:18Tell me what's the word
28:19Wait up
28:21Oh, that's not right
28:22Everybody say
28:23When you hear the call, you got to get it underway
28:27Hey
28:32Hey
28:35Wow
28:37Oh
28:41Oh
28:42Oh
28:45Hey
28:47Hey
28:48I gotta forget
28:55Happy New Year
28:57That's for me and Rupert.
29:02I'd like to think so.
29:04You've grown very fond of you both.
29:07Both of us.
29:10Under all that chain mail, you're as soft as thistledown.
29:18Why were you so awful to Patrick?
29:20Maybe I liked him too much.
29:22And there was Tony.
29:28And you.
29:31Well, I knew you disapproved of me.
29:34Well, I know you better now.
29:35And Patrick would suit you much more than Rupert.
29:40And he wouldn't mess you about.
29:43Maud messes you about?
29:45When you came to Carinium, I did my research.
29:48Among all the column inches of your career, there was Maud.
29:51Photographed with one man.
29:52On the arm of another.
29:54Sipping martinis with Bono.
29:55No, no, no. Bono is a family friend.
29:59If you marry someone like Maud, you accept that beautiful people are not governed by the same rules as ordinary
30:06mortals.
30:07She's not so beautiful. She gets to take you for granted.
30:09Maud knows she could never better what she has with me.
30:13She does it for flattery.
30:15And for the relief from the loneliness that anyone living with a workaholic has to endure.
30:21It's a pretty fucked up idea of marriage.
30:27Yeah.
30:27No.
30:33Have you ever cheated on her?
30:39Have you ever wanted to?
30:43Not until tonight.
30:47Then it isn't just me.
30:58When you create something, we both know it's special. It's natural to want some kind of consummation.
31:06It happens on television shoots all the time.
31:07Hmm.
31:11Not like this.
31:16Let's...
31:18Go upstairs.
31:22It would complicate things.
31:24I can deal with complications.
31:26I can't.
31:26I can't.
31:27I can't.
31:29I can't.
31:39I can't.
31:41No.
31:43No.
31:44Uh.
31:44Ah.
31:45Ah.
31:48Ah.
31:48Ah.
31:49Ah.
31:49Ah.
31:49Ah.
31:57Ah.
31:57Hey la, hey la, Shayla, hey la, Shayla, hey la, oh.
32:04Hey la, hey la, Shayla, hey la, Shayla, hey la, oh.
32:12Shadi wadi shadi wadi shadi wadi shadi wadi, ooppa ooppa ooppa,
32:16di yang, gooly gooly gooly gooly gooly wata.
32:19Where did we get another dog?
32:21It's from Rupert for my birthday.
32:24Oh my god. It was your birthday?
32:27Oh, that's so awful of me.
32:30What, how old was I?
32:32I know how old you are, I'm not that bad.
32:34Well, at least it wasn't a big one.
32:39Oh fuck, it was your 21st.
32:41You know, you're always saying how you nearly died having me.
32:43It's like...
32:44Well, you turned up early, which is why I can never remember the date.
32:47Oh, I want to kill myself.
32:48Oh mummy, don't do that.
32:49What?
32:49Be so dramatically cross that there's no room for me to be.
32:52I'm sorry. I really am.
32:56It's okay. I don't expect you to remember my birthday.
33:00Oh.
33:03Why don't you come and watch the filming with me?
33:05And Caitlin's coming from school.
33:07I'm sure daddy would love to see you there.
33:09No, I understand the concern completely, but how about we shoot the show and then we decide.
33:15The shooting of the show seems an inevitability right now.
33:20You have made it rather tricky for us to say no.
33:23I don't want to sound like a daddy's boy, but I promised my father Rupert was out of the company.
33:28Today, Rupert is a freelancer just like any other.
33:31But he put all this together by himself.
33:33I was in Ireland.
33:34He walked his backside off.
33:37I am risking my neck to direct the show today.
33:40Tony would have me hung, drawn and quartered.
33:42But I believe in Ventura and I trust Declan's judgment.
33:46I think it's right that we support Rupert.
33:48That's incredible.
33:49Maybe we'll all be convinced to bring him back.
33:54I was very disappointed when Mrs. Jones telephoned.
33:58Sneaking off here, of all places, to watch Rupert's Golden Gauntlet.
34:03This would really upset your father.
34:05It was my duty to inform you, Mum-Mum.
34:08When I saw them sneaking over the ha-ha, I got straight onto the car phone.
34:11Isn't that Shannon?
34:12Yeah, straight on the phone. Sorry.
34:14What were you thinking, Archie?
34:15It was my idea, Mummy.
34:17Archie shouldn't have gone along with it.
34:18He's old enough to know better.
34:19Now let's go.
34:21Hello, idiot. How are you?
34:23They've hired some medieval fanfare trumpets.
34:26I'm quite excited.
34:28Mummy, guess who else is here?
34:30Who? The tennis player?
34:32Your favourite?
34:33No.
34:34We could just stay for a bit, couldn't we?
34:38Alright.
34:39There's almost nobody else has a word to Daddy.
34:43You can sit with me.
34:45Five, four, three, two, one, and action floor.
34:50Ladies and gentlemen.
34:52Ladies and gentlemen.
34:53Knights and names.
34:55Dames and damsels.
34:56You're all in for a treat.
34:57But only the bold will win the gold.
35:00We welcome you to...
35:02The Golden Godfres!
35:05Go!
35:06Always believe in your soul
35:10You've got the power to know
35:12You're indestructible
35:14Always believe in
35:16You are though though
35:19Glad that you're about to return
35:22Something I could have learned
35:24You're indestructible
35:32Let us welcome our teams, Team Rupert, and their formidable opponents, Team Declan.
35:56Let us welcome our team, Team Rupert, and our team, Team Rupert, and our team.
36:26Let us welcome our team, Team Rupert.
37:07Let us welcome our team, Team Rupert, and our team, Team Rupert, and our team.
37:26It's not a sham that was Miss Johnson, it's bloody brilliant!
37:31Well done, Rupert!
37:39My sister really wants to puncture her brother.
37:42Do you think she's pretty?
37:44Well, don't fuck anything.
37:46What's your type, then?
37:47Give me six more pints and find out.
37:50And now, for the archery.
37:56I did a ranger!
38:01Oh, such a sublime.
38:05I'm still not entirely happy about all this.
38:07You know, Rupert isn't trying to win Natalie Perola's heart.
38:10It's trying to win your heart's.
38:14Let us see which of the teams can win the heart of the princess.
38:19When's Tuggie's birthday?
38:25Shit!
38:26If she does everything for you, how Tuggie the rest of you would starve.
38:31Don't know why you're being so sanctimonious.
38:35I'd look to your own house if I were you.
38:43Neil Price!
38:45What do you mean by that?
38:46Do you not think Cameron deserves better?
38:53Cameron's never had it better than with me.
38:54I'm not talking about sex, you fucking kid, man.
38:57I'm just saying, talk to her, that's all.
39:00She's lonely.
39:04Hello, kids.
39:06This is a laugh, isn't it?
39:09I've got your uniform.
39:10I'm an owl.
39:12What a hoot.
39:15I'm going to suit you.
39:22Better get that period of Valerie before it goes flat.
39:28Now, for our final challenge.
39:31Let the tugging begin!
39:33Come on, you boys!
39:35Come on, Griswold!
39:37Come on!
39:43Come on!
39:45Come on!
39:46Awesome.
39:47Come on, guys.
39:49Yes!
39:49Come on!
39:52Come on!
39:56Please!
39:57Put it back into it!
39:58Come on!
39:59Tom, thank you.
40:01Tom!
40:01Come on lads, do it for Renger, let's go!
40:36This isn't scripted.
40:38Just keep the cameras rolling.
40:52And the winner of the Golden Gauntlet is...
41:01...Team Deckler!
41:24And now for the losers...
41:28Guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns,
41:38guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns,
41:41guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns,
41:44guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns,
41:45guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns,
41:46guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns, guns,
42:01Shelly?
42:01Yep.
42:03You alright?
42:06Going for a drink?
42:07Oh, she hadn't asked me to come.
42:09Well, didn't you enjoy it?
42:10I was glad you were here.
42:11Being near him.
42:14Darling.
42:15You know, it's easy being silly in the summer when the sun is shining and everything feels possible.
42:24But it's September.
42:26Time to put the rose-tinted glasses away.
42:29Darling, you can't.
42:30I don't need you to play Cupid, Rupert.
42:34Please.
42:37I'm taking the children home for supper with their father.
42:42And well done.
42:44It was brilliant.
42:50How have you still got so much energy?
42:53I've missed you so much.
42:57Every minute in Ireland reminded me of you.
43:00Of us.
43:02I know I've made you sad.
43:05And lonely.
43:07And I will kiss you better for every moment of that if you just give me another chance.
43:12You kiss me for the cameras, Declan.
43:13For all I know, you missed me for the cameras, too.
43:16No.
43:16No, I promise you.
43:19Let me show you.
43:21I know I've been a shite husband.
43:23Well, I've been the best wife.
43:26You are.
43:29You are the best wife.
43:37Let's talk about this later.
43:38Just some more.
43:39A little less.
43:40Public.
43:42Let me take a shower and then we can head home.
43:44No.
43:45You should congratulate Rupert.
43:48You need to congratulate Rupert.
43:49We should stay.
43:50You sure?
43:52Just wash off the guns, we'll have a drink.
44:08It's so lovely to get reacquainted today, Mon Mon.
44:11Well, I've missed you.
44:14Thank you, Valerie.
44:16Mousy.
44:16I mean.
44:18Once all of this terrible franchise business is over, well, you and I are going to be the
44:22best of friends.
44:24Do you like your cricket dress?
44:26Really?
44:29I'll put one by in the boutique for you.
44:31Just pop in any time.
44:34Bye.
44:35Cheerio.
44:44Monica!
44:49My German's a bit rusty, but I asked her to sign it for you.
44:54You'll have to keep it secret from Tony.
44:57Yes.
44:58Yes, I will.
45:09Damien, you're such a funny fish, isn't she, Mummy?
45:12Well, that's unkind, Beatrice.
45:15People might say I'm a funny fish, too.
45:18Oh, come on.
45:19Home before Daddy misses us.
45:32Am I forgiven for trying to muscle back in?
45:34It was extremely sneaky of you.
45:37But you made people very happy today.
45:41I'm honoured to be a venturer alongside you.
45:47I'd say this calls for champagne.
45:50Oh, but you say that about everything.
45:55Whee!
45:56I knew you two were going to smash it.
45:58What a day.
46:00The A-Team back together again.
46:02I reckon the BBC, they're going to want a Christmas special.
46:05Maybe even a whole series.
46:06Everything was simply perfect.
46:09I just need to focus on the eating, Tony.
46:11Ah, second that.
46:12Oh, third that.
46:18Declan, I'm off.
46:20I've got to get the footage to Bristol tonight.
46:22Ah, the tapes can wait an hour.
46:24Have a drink.
46:24You've had a good week.
46:25Come on, mate.
46:26Get that down, yeah.
46:27You twist my arm.
46:29Gosh, isn't it exciting, Charles?
46:31Dary's been so busy at Westminster.
46:32First MP in the family since the Titanic, what?
46:35We actually really didn't think he'd win.
46:37Really?
46:37No.
46:38I always knew he would.
46:42Shall we brush in these glasses?
46:44Oh, you've never asked.
46:46Good idea.
46:47Everything okay?
46:48Oh, God, yes.
46:50This summer with Jerry's been a fairy tale.
46:52I'm so lucky.
46:54He's the lucky one, Muffy.
47:00Sorry you didn't win.
47:01Today's been my biggest win for a long time.
47:05What do you name the puppy?
47:07Our mummy wants to call him Claudius.
47:09She says there's a Claudius and Gertrude in Shakespeare.
47:12Hope they're not buddies.
47:13So go on.
47:15What do you like apart from Polo?
47:17Older, successful man.
47:20No offense.
47:22You can do better.
47:24Can't seem to do anything at the moment.
47:28Well, I remember you telling me you were going to write a play.
47:30What happened to that?
47:30Life happened.
47:31Well, if there's anything we learned from Gates,
47:33it's that life and art happen at the same time.
47:35Jeez, go to Paris and find yourself.
47:37Write the play.
47:41Thank you, sweetheart.
47:43What time do you get off?
47:44When the fist runs out.
47:48Can I get your autograph, Pat?
47:51Yeah.
47:51So, um, who do I make it up to?
47:55Perdita.
47:56P-E-R-D-I-T-A.
48:01Perdita.
48:01That's an unusual name.
48:03She'll see Perdita play stick and ball.
48:04Great little player.
48:06When she follows the rules.
48:07I've been running for breaking.
48:08Well, that's Perdita can join the team for everybody.
48:10You've got to get you to be a Jones Jet?
48:12Absolutely.
48:13I'm going to be the first woman with a tan handicap.
48:16Confidence.
48:17We like.
48:18Don't doubt it'll be married.
48:28Happy birthday to you.
48:31Happy birthday to you.
48:34Happy birthday, dear Taki.
48:37Happy birthday to you.
48:40Happy birthday to you.
48:41Donut!
48:42You put in this for me.
48:43Apart from the donuts.
48:44You don't make donuts.
48:46Hooray!
48:46Donuts for breakfast.
48:54Good.
49:17Necklen!
49:18Someone's in a rush!
49:19The tapes, it's the tapes!
49:23Um, the tapes have gone!
49:24Whoa, whoa, whoa!
49:25Calm down.
49:25What do you mean?
49:26The editor called and the tapes I delivered last night were blank!
49:29They can't be.
49:30They are.
49:31They are.
49:31The whole show.
49:33All the footage gone.
49:34Could somebody wipe them?
49:35Swap them?
49:35Who would do that?
49:39Tony!
49:43Tony!
49:44Get out of there right now or I'll knock your bloody door down!
49:52Good morning, dear.
49:53It was you.
49:54What have I done now?
49:55You swiped our tapes!
49:57The golden gauntlet!
49:58The whole recording!
49:58Where is it?
50:00What?
50:01You've done your little gangster.
50:02You've lost the whole program.
50:04Don't you?
50:04That was careless.
50:05Who was it?
50:06Was it Beatty?
50:07Or Monica?
50:08Or your own children.
50:09I wouldn't put it past you.
50:10They were there.
50:12I know.
50:13You're just on Frontier, I suppose.
50:16Everything you do will come back to you, Tony.
50:20A hundredfold.
50:21Hmm.
50:23Well, sounds like you have an almighty mess to sort up, but it has nothing to do with
50:26me, so with the greatest possible respect, fuck off.
50:53And what time you play?
50:56They don't understand and tell me!
50:59So we're running just as fast as we can
51:03Falling onto one another's head
51:06It's time to get away into the night
51:09And then you put your arms around me
51:11And we tumble to the ground and then you say
51:13I think we're alone now
51:15There doesn't seem to be anyone around
51:20I think we're alone now
51:22The feeling of our hearts is the only sound