- 9 months ago
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00:00Yeah, so we're definitely rehearsing tonight, yeah?
00:13Eight o'clock down the hall.
00:15Right.
00:16Oh, will the rest of the group be there this time?
00:19Oh, great, man.
00:22Oi, Ringo.
00:24I hope my huffing and puffing ain't interrupting you.
00:27No, no, there's no sweat, man.
00:29Well, it certainly ain't coming from you, you lazy little git.
00:32Oi, come on.
00:33Charlie, look, I've got to go. I'll see you later on, all right?
00:39Are you actually in with a grope tonight?
00:41Group. You're a drummer. I ain't got no drums.
00:44Yeah, well, it's only day shit, innit?
00:46I don't know what you want to waste your time with that bunch of wallies for.
00:49They're not a bunch of wallies.
00:51Anyway, you haven't even heard us play yet.
00:53I don't need to, do I? I know who your lead singer is.
00:57Mental Mickey.
00:57Oi, there's nothing wrong with Mickey Maguire.
01:00Nothing wrong? Only bit of bloke's ear off once, that's all.
01:04Not all of it.
01:10Before you become deeply involved in any musical argument with mental Mickey,
01:15make sure you're wearing a bulletproof balaclava.
01:18Get this stuff in the van.
01:22What we bought, anyway.
01:25Oh, no, it's obvious, innit?
01:27Sausages.
01:29It's talking dolls, innit?
01:31I know that. I mean, what sort of stock is it?
01:35I mean, is it bankrupt, fire damage, water damage, soil, or just plain hooky?
01:40There's nothing like that, Rodney. These are near perfect.
01:43Near perfect?
01:44Yeah.
01:45Well, what's wrong with them?
01:46Hey.
01:47Well, if there's nothing wrong with them, Del, why aren't they called perfect?
01:50It's just a bit of legal jargon used by the insurance companies to save on paperwork, that's all.
01:56Don't worry about it.
01:57Oh, well, that's easy for you to say, Del,
01:58but I'm the one who has to go down the Arndale Centre and flog them things.
02:03I mean, look at all the aggro I had last Christmas over them cricket bats, eh?
02:06Each one personally autographed by Viv Richards.
02:10Each one was personally autographed by Viv Richards.
02:16But I wasn't THE Viv Richards.
02:19It was Davey Richards' eldest sister.
02:22I've nothing but comebacks on them.
02:25Now, you'll be all right with these things, Rodney.
02:27I mean, here, I'll look.
02:29Take a look at them, eh?
02:32Now, can you see anything wrong with it?
02:35Stop that.
02:37I mean, you look all right.
02:38Oh, all right.
02:40All right, this is Taiwan's finest, Rodney.
02:44This is quality par excellence, this gear.
02:47Anyway, we'll pick the rest up after dinner.
02:49Go on, jump in the van.
02:54What's up, Dad?
02:57What?
02:58No, I thought you said something.
03:05Oi.
03:06I reckon this group of mine could really go places.
03:08The sooner, the better, if you ask me.
03:10We're stalling ourselves when Frankie goes to Hollywood.
03:13Oh, terrific.
03:13You dozy little trunk, Rodney.
03:21You bang on the roof of my van again like that,
03:23it won't be Frankie goes to Hollywood,
03:25it'll be Rodney goes to hospital.
03:28Bloody hell, Dale.
03:29I said I'm sorry, didn't I?
03:31You will be.
03:33If I get it, stay there.
03:36I've got fun coming, Dale.
03:37The wind is blowing,
03:52the snow is snowing,
03:54no, no, no.
03:54Oi, get your thieving hands off.
03:56I weren't feeling all that well, Dale.
03:59Yeah, I'd feel a bloody sight worse
04:01if I catch up my Cavossiery again.
04:05What's all the big hurry, then?
04:06I'll tell you what the big hurry is.
04:07I've just heard a very interesting bit of news
04:09down the pub, and I...
04:10Oi, you.
04:12Here, listen, have you heard of the Shamrock Club
04:13over at Deptford,
04:15the Paddy's Molina Rouge?
04:16That place?
04:18Well...
04:19I read about it in a local paper.
04:20Hmm.
04:21Well, their resident band,
04:24the Dublin Bay Stormers,
04:26they were in a bit of a rut last weekend,
04:29and they're all banged up on remont.
04:31So?
04:32So?
04:33So, what is it next Sunday, eh?
04:35It's St Patrick's Night, innit, eh?
04:37It's the biggest earner of the year,
04:38and the Shamrock Club ain't got a band.
04:40Ha-ha.
04:41But I have.
04:42He-he-he-he.
04:44You don't mean young Rodney
04:46and that bunch of Wallis?
04:47They can't do all that Mother McCree stuff.
04:51Listen,
04:52you don't know Rodney that well.
04:54He's a very talented little lad.
04:56Ah.
04:57Here, they'll love him.
04:58They'll tear him limp-rem-lim.
05:00No, they won't.
05:01The worst they'll get,
05:02he's probably a red nose.
05:04It's nothing to do with me, Del.
05:05No, that's right.
05:06No, well, I'll keep my opinions to myself.
05:08Yeah, you do that.
05:09Don't seem right, though.
05:10No.
05:11I mean, it's not fair.
05:13You're all straight Bruno's arse,
05:15but you don't go on about it.
05:17Shamrock Club, yeah.
05:22Can I speak to Liam, please?
05:24Yeah, it's Derek Trotter.
05:34Liam, doll boy.
05:37How are you, pal?
05:38Tripping.
05:40Yeah, yeah, listen,
05:41I just heard the tragic news about the Stormers.
05:43God, the bloody laws in this country,
05:45they're diabolical, ain't they, eh?
05:47Yeah, well, how are you fixed for a band, then,
05:50on St Paddy's Night?
05:52Well, this is it.
05:53I mean, where do you find a good band these days?
05:59Well, yeah, I know, no,
06:00there's a lot of cowboys about,
06:02and I'm...
06:02Sorry?
06:03What's what noise?
06:04Oh, that!
06:05That, well, that's what I was phoning you about,
06:07you see.
06:07I'm down here at the community hall,
06:09and it's a group of youngsters on the stage rehearsing.
06:12Yeah, that's them in the background now.
06:15Do what?
06:16Just a minute.
06:17Oi, keep it down, will you, lads?
06:19I'm on the blower.
06:20Oh, hold on, Liam,
06:22I'll just go and close the door,
06:24all right, mate?
06:25Where do you find
06:26what's the whole matter?
06:37There we are,
06:37now we can hear ourselves speak.
06:39Do what?
06:40Yeah, no, that is funny,
06:41they do sound a lot like the Bachelors.
06:43Yeah, in fact,
06:45that's who they model themselves after.
06:47Yeah, well, of course,
06:48there is some good news
06:49and there's some bad news here, Liam.
06:51The bad news is
06:52that they are expensive,
06:54it's 300 sovs, I'm afraid,
06:56but the good news is
06:57they are free on St Paddy's Night.
07:00Yeah.
07:01All right.
07:02He wants to think about it.
07:04That shouldn't take long, should it?
07:06No, no, no, come on, Liam,
07:07you carry on, my old son, no,
07:09you carry on,
07:09take all the time in the world,
07:10I've got plenty of time.
07:13And though everything's dark...
07:18Oi, close that door, will you?
07:23Yeah, well, you won't go far wrong
07:25with these boys, Liam.
07:26No, no, you know it makes sense.
07:29Yeah, listen, there is one thing,
07:30um, they, not me,
07:31they, you understand,
07:32they insist on cash in advance.
07:35Yeah.
07:36Do what, all right,
07:37I'll tell you what, my old son,
07:38I'll pop down in about an hour.
07:39All right, pal?
07:41Trif, ta-ra.
07:41My darling...
07:48My darling...
07:52My darling...
07:52My darling...
07:55Family used to tell stories
07:59about you and your business activities.
08:02I never believed them up until now.
08:03Get in, get out, don't look back,
08:05that's my motto.
08:05I can't wait to tell young Rodney the good news.
08:10Here, listen, you keep quiet.
08:12This is going to be, um...
08:13Well, it's a surprise, right?
08:15It's nothing to do with me, Del.
08:16Well, I just hope I don't let it slip up.
08:20Now, that would be very unfortunate, wouldn't it, eh?
08:24I tell you what,
08:24would you like a nice, large brownie in there, Uncle Albert?
08:29That's nice of you, son.
08:30Yeah, thank you.
08:31That's all right.
08:34Might as well leave the bowl down here,
08:36save me having to keep on getting up.
08:37Have a nice evening.
08:49You blackmailing old bark.
09:04Ow!
09:05Come on, Rodney, give us some cymbals!
09:09Cymbals?
09:25What's he doing here?
09:30Just came down to listen to you, lads.
09:31Don't mind it?
09:32You'd just come down here on the wind-up, didn't you?
09:35Au contraire, Rodney, au contraire.
09:38In fact, I'm very impressed.
09:40He sounds in very good voice, this young mental Mickey.
09:43I don't like people calling me that!
09:45I'm so sorry.
09:46I'd better put my hands over my earlobes, hadn't I?
09:48Why don't you piss off down the porch, right?
09:51Oi, oi, watch it.
09:52This is our community hall.
09:54Anyone's entitled to walk in here?
09:55Come on then, let's hear you.
10:00Yeah, come on.
10:01He's not going to put us off.
10:02Yeah, right.
10:04One, two, three.
10:05Oi, Rodney, Rodney, I'd do the one, two, three, fours.
10:08Yeah, oh, yeah, sure.
10:09One, two, three, fours.
10:14Hold on, hold on, hold on.
10:17Where did you learn to count?
10:18It's Rampton.
10:20I ain't never been to Rampton.
10:22Who started in rumours about me being in Rampton?
10:24Right, Mick, take it easy.
10:25Well, I ain't never been to Rampton!
10:26I'll beat the board more once or twice, but that's...
10:30Come on.
10:35One, two, three.
10:39I told you once, Rodney, I'm not going to tell you again, son.
10:41I do not want to, Jesus.
10:42Oh, you do not want to, Jesus.
10:45Right.
10:49One, two, three, four.
10:51Listen here.
10:52Stop me if you've heard it.
10:53A million kids don't know if they do deserve it.
10:57Don't complain about the nights.
10:59Boys, we'll be boys.
11:01We'll be boys.
11:03Hold up, hold up.
11:04What is it now?
11:05Hold up.
11:07Why, I'm very surprised.
11:10I came down here expecting you bunch of wallies to sound like...
11:13like a cat being doctored without anaesthetic.
11:21What?
11:22You're very good.
11:23All right, you're not quite up to the standard of spanner ballet or thurum-burum.
11:30There is something about your music that I like.
11:33It's...
11:34Well, it's got something.
11:37I only hope it ain't catching.
11:41If this is all some build-up, some very funny joke,
11:43would you just tell us all now and stop wasting everybody's time?
11:47It's not a joke, Rodney.
11:48No, not a joke.
11:49I mean it.
11:50I'm very impressed.
11:51Very.
11:52Bravo.
11:52Bravo.
11:52Bravo.
11:53Bravo.
11:56Of course, you do realise that you're all going to flop like a jelly on a wet mattress, don't you?
12:01Oh, yeah.
12:01Why are we going to flop?
12:02Because you're undisciplined.
12:04You ain't going to go nowhere until you get your hands together.
12:07Yeah?
12:08Well, my mate's cousin works for a ruffle company and he reckons he can get us a contract.
12:12Oh, yeah, and my mate's a doorman down at Chelsea, but he can't get me a bloody game, can he?
12:17No, you're still rough around the edges.
12:18No, you're still rough around the edges.
12:22I mean, why don't you take a butcher's of yourselves?
12:24You look like something that a cat has dragged in and then dragged out again.
12:28I'm trying to shut it.
12:30We like looking like this.
12:32We're Marxist, Trotskyite anarchists.
12:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:36So why do you want to be superstars, then?
12:42Because we want to be rich, Marxist, Trotskyite anarchists.
12:47Not too rich.
12:48No, just a little bit rich.
12:51Money ain't everything.
12:52No, but it certainly takes the sting out of being poor, though, doesn't it?
12:56Now, it strikes me that what you need, you need someone to steer you in the right direction,
13:02you know, look after your interests.
13:04Well, what you need is a manager.
13:06Now, hold on, hold on.
13:09Don't look at me.
13:11No, no, because the bloke who comes your manager, he's got to buy you all new equipment, hasn't he?
13:15And you've got to get new drums, new guitars, and a new set of speakers.
13:19No, that's going to cost an arm and a leg.
13:22I thought you said we was good.
13:24You are good.
13:26You're all natural.
13:28You've got raw talent.
13:31Hey!
13:32Drop out!
13:36Don't want to put your money where your mouth is, though, do you?
13:39Do you think I'm the kind that won't back my instinct?
13:43You know me, Rodney.
13:44He who dares wins.
13:46The back of the matter is, Mickey, the funds are a bit tight at the moment.
13:50You and our folk will each other.
13:51Oh, yeah, yeah, we've heard it all before, Dale.
13:54All right, you win.
13:57I will be your manager.
14:00I'll get you bookings.
14:01You just see if I don't.
14:02What about instruments, though?
14:04I'll get that as well.
14:05Oh, don't listen to him.
14:07We'll probably end up with a chuck of ice from some Boy Scouts band.
14:10No, you won't.
14:12All your instruments and equipment will be brand new.
14:14You write down what you want and I'll get it for you.
14:16Because I'm going to make an investment in you, lads.
14:19This time next year, we're going to be millionaires.
14:23I can see it now.
14:24The Albert Hall.
14:25Carnegie Hall.
14:26The Hollywood Bowl.
14:28The revolutionary new sound of pop protest.
14:30You don't know any of the bachelor's numbers, do you?
14:37No, all right, well, no, it doesn't matter.
14:39No, not important.
14:40Well, you carry on rehearsing.
14:42Because I'm going to put this show over.
14:45Well, come on, let's hear you.
14:48Your manager has spoken.
14:51Right.
14:53One, two, three.
14:58Fucked.
14:59You're still here.
15:00Just like me if you've heard it.
15:02A million kids start to...
15:04Oh, shit, no, shit.
15:08Oh, shit, no, shit.
15:12Oh, shit, no.
15:17Get down.
15:19Oh, shit, no, shit.
15:20Oh, shit, no, shit.
15:22Oh, shit, this is amazing.
15:23Oh, shit.
15:24Oh, shit, no.
15:24Oh, shit.
15:24She was screaming.
15:25I don't know what to do!
15:26No!
15:27I'm not ready!
15:28Get that!
15:29Get it!
15:30Come on!
15:31Stop it!
15:33Stop it!
15:43Get off of that!
15:44Hey!
15:45Yeah!
15:47Yeah!
15:48Get off of it!
15:50Get off of it!
15:52What about my little Mickey?
15:55and he's happy enough
16:02let's make sure i've got all the details
16:12now the stolen items consist of two guitars
16:16two speakers
16:18and a set of drums
16:20here's one of your sticks
16:25it's a bit oily
16:27cheers
16:29bud
16:31you reckon you'll catch him
16:32oh i shouldn't have too much trouble
16:35we'll just go around all the clubs
16:37until we find a rock and roll band with a one-armed drummer
16:39i need you don't i
16:42i mean i really need you
16:44what's all this other stuff doing here anyway
16:46oh uh
16:48we um we collect things
16:50any sort of things to collect don't they
17:01yeah well um
17:02everyone's got to have a knobby
17:03good afternoon officer can i be of any assistance
17:12they've had it all deal
17:13they've had the drums the guitars everything
17:15now i locked that door last night deal
17:17i swear to you i locked it
17:18yeah all right rodney all right never mind not to worry eh not to worry
17:21what do you mean not to worry all our equipment's been neat
17:24well that's not quite true
17:26uh rodney would you like to nip outside and make sure i switch the engine off on the van
17:29no no well you see actually these items haven't been stolen officer i mean a van came round early this morning and took them back to the shop
17:40you see i know the owner of the shop and he let me have them on what was called a sale and return basis
17:45i see
17:47do you enjoy wasting police time eh
17:50oh john i didn't know we had them on sale or return did i
17:54it's all right it's all right no no it's my fault i didn't tell him
17:58i didn't tell him i'm sorry for michael's
17:59yeah about all this other stuff here
18:02ah yeah excuse me officer when i came round just now i saw a couple of kids trying to remove the front wheels on your panda car
18:07hey what
18:07yeah
18:08i might be back to see you
18:10i can't wait
18:11what do you think you're playing at inviting the bloody old bill round here
18:16what am i playing at you told me you bought that equipment and all the time you had it on sale or return
18:22you just set us up didn't you
18:24no listen rodney look
18:26we've earned 300 sovs
18:28right
18:28and we didn't actually pay out for any equipment
18:31brilliant ain't it eh
18:32brilliant
18:33yeah
18:33yeah we nearly had our head smashed in
18:36i didn't want to play the shamrock
18:38none of us wanted to play the shamrock club
18:40but we played it dell because you said it was our first step on the road to stardom
18:45and we believed you
18:47then you're bigger plonkers than you look
18:50you didn't you didn't honestly believe all that rubbish did you that you and them wallies were destined for the albert hall
18:59carnegie hall
19:01the only hall you was destined for was sod hall
19:04that's where
19:04as it happens you've made 150 quid so think yourself lucky
19:10anyway you can still play with the group can't you
19:11no i can't actually
19:13what
19:15well
19:15we had a bit of an artistical disagreement
19:18yeah
19:18look what mickey tried to do to my ear
19:21that vicious little git now i'm gonna sort him out
19:25what was the row about
19:26well they accused you of setting us up didn't they
19:28they said you'd only done it for a one-off earner
19:30and you had to get rid of the suits you'd had in here since 1975
19:33in a way some people's minds were
19:37what do you mean they were right
19:38but i defended you
19:40i mean i stood there and i defended you
19:43and do you know why
19:45well it's
19:47it's because you're my brother and i don't like to hear people rubbish in you that's why
19:50still work does it
19:57it's only a pipe dream rudney
20:04at least i had a dream tell
20:06it's more than i've got now
20:08come on rudders
20:10i mean didn't really think that you were gonna go nowhere did you
20:13i mean just take a look at them other three
20:16they'd got about five and a half brain cells between them
20:19and one of them was on the blink i tell you
20:21anyway
20:23all that show business lark
20:26they're all stoke on trent aren't they
20:28watch your old deaf and dumb in that game
20:34look why do you always try and stop me in everything i do
20:43oh me
20:44yeah you're always sticking your oar in and messing things up for me
20:48sometimes i get the feeling you're scared
20:50scared? scared? scared of what?
20:52scared of me becoming a success
20:53i reckon you're terrified that one day i might just make it on my own
20:57it's like a knife in my heart that rudney
21:02there is nothing that i would like more than to see you become
21:06someone
21:07have a nice capri gear
21:10i remember what mum said on her deathbed
21:17she said to me
21:19dell she said
21:20please give little rodney all the encouragement that you can
21:25never dell
21:27never hold him back
21:30she didn't half say a lot on her deathbed
21:35whatever the subject is
21:41mum had something to say about it on her deathbed
21:44she must have spent her final few hours in this mortal realm
21:47doing nothing but rabbities
21:48you are walking a bleeding tightrope here rodney
21:52hang on
21:53right you remember last week we was having a row about whose turn it was to go down a chipper yeah
21:58and you claim that mum said on her deathbed
22:01send rodney for the fish
22:04yeah well i'd had a few hadn't i
22:12listen look rodney come on
22:15you tried something and it didn't work
22:18okay but look never mind that you've got a hundred and fifty beer vouchers
22:24there that's it
22:29that's it come on now rodney
22:30come on cheer up
22:32come on got to go down the market this afternoon
22:34terrific
22:35come on ronnie listen
22:39hey ain't all bad news is it hey
22:42on the one hand you've had your hopes and your dreams dashed
22:48on the other hand i've got a van load of hooky mortisers
22:51come on let's go
22:52yeah yeah yeah all right monk i'll come straight with you
22:58look
22:59i've had these dolls for about a week and i haven't sold one right
23:02so i'll tell you what
23:03if you'll take a chance i'll take a loss
23:05i can't be fairer than that can i
23:06would i lie to you
23:10all right see you around monk yeah goodbye
23:12shut up
23:20we get number 26
23:27four guys from south london
23:29this is boys will be boys from a bunch of wallets
23:36maybe old tree could knock someone down a council depot tonight
23:40oh shut up noise
23:44think
23:44i don't believe it
23:58don't believe it
24:03what's that
24:09what's that bunch of wallets what do they think they're doing they're on top of the box
24:13you know that old bird that works down the laundromat
24:24yeah yeah
24:25the one who's after
24:25yeah yeah what
24:27what's wrong
24:30mate
24:30mate it's all nothing
24:32it's all right
24:32fine
24:33want a cigar
24:34what
24:35oh you don't want that one anyway
24:37get your mouth
24:37sorry go on you were saying
24:40what was you saying
24:43i wound her up right
24:43yeah
24:44i said that uncle albert wants to take it to the old folks being her on thursday
24:47yeah
24:47dropped him right in it
24:49did you
24:49i like it
24:51i like that
24:51are you sure everything's all right
24:58no that's trifico it's trifico rogers
25:00no it couldn't be better mate
25:02oh right
25:03hey
25:03chop of the pops is on
25:05yeah no no no
25:05well yeah but the telly's broke
25:07it's broke
25:07oh yeah
25:08oh watch it on the black and white
25:09no that one's broken all look
25:10it's all broken that yeah
25:12oh it's got a bit of fuse in the socket
25:15no it's funny i tried all that i tried it
25:17no it's all look it's absolutely broke
25:19i've got to get the firm in in the morning
25:21yeah absolute nors isn't it
25:23yeah
25:24oh well i might as well give albert the good news
25:27yeah go on
25:28he's going he's in his room
25:30go on
25:30yeah right
25:30uncle albert
25:34hello sam
25:36he's going to go bloody divvy when he finds out
25:39oh god
25:40look at that
25:41you want to act your age a little bit you interfering little
25:43can't you have a word with him del
25:46he's only come in there to annoy me
25:48i don't want to go on no old folks bino
25:51well don't go then don't go
25:53listen
25:54i'm off out
25:55don't mention it to rodney
25:56i doubt if he want to go with you anyway
25:58he's watching top of the pops on the portable
26:00hey it's my book
26:02they're in the charts
26:06so they're in the charts
26:13mark de fabrique
26:16as they say
26:16i could go to number one
26:19i could have a smash it on their hands
26:22all right so you have a smash it on your hands
26:25you might not get another one for the rest of your life
26:29i always said they could make it
26:31and you convinced me they couldn't
26:33that's always been your trouble rodney
26:36you're too easily swayed
26:37and what about me eh
26:39what about me
26:40i was their manager
26:41i'm gonna stick this right up your jacks
26:47sir
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