Taskmaster AU S04 E03
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00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:12Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:22No!
00:24I hate you.
00:28Let me out of here!
00:30Hello, it's Cast Master time.
00:40Tell your mum to come in from the shed and your dad to put some lippy on.
00:45Because it's 2025, you idiots.
00:47Your mums can be into woodworking and your dads are meant to look pretty.
00:51This is the show where five contestants duck and weave through my devious demands to win an item
00:57that's the source of the dandruff used to make gold flake vodka.
01:01It's the Task Master trophy.
01:03Those contestants are Dave Hughes.
01:09Emma Holland.
01:11Emma Holland.
01:13Lisa McKeown.
01:15Takashi Wakasugi.
01:17And Tommy Little.
01:19Hello!
01:21And beside me the guy who once said he'd love to see an all-female remake of Gallipoli.
01:28It's Tom Cashman.
01:29How's it going, Lesser Tom?
01:30I'm okay.
01:31It's tough for me at night, you know, because I'm a muso.
01:34Oh, right.
01:35It should be easy for you.
01:36Musicians love the nightlife.
01:37Out at night.
01:38Aren't you a night owl?
01:39Oh, sorry.
01:40I've been using it wrong.
01:41I thought muso referred to someone who likes muesli.
01:42I've been telling everyone I'm a muso.
01:45Yes, that's the end of it.
01:58Right, let's kick things off.
02:00A prize task please Lesser Tom.
02:01Of course.
02:02Tonight our prize task is to give you a voice in a while now.
02:07This is a group of musicians who love the nightlife.
02:10Aren't you a night owl?
02:11Oh, sorry.
02:12I've been using it wrong.
02:13Oh.
02:14Of course, tonight our prize task is the thing most worthy of being hidden when visitors
02:19come around.
02:20Ooh.
02:21So, you've got visitors at your house.
02:23What are you ashamed of?
02:24Uh, Lisa?
02:25I'm going to sound like a really bad mother, but it is my son's bedroom.
02:35Like, I actually have started sneaking in sometimes to take some of the washing out,
02:40to get some of it done, because it just piles up so badly.
02:43And now he's going to know because he likes watching the show.
02:45But I do...
02:46How old is he?
02:47Um, he'll be 21 soon.
02:50Okay.
02:51So, Waka, you've got visitors.
02:53What are you ashamed of?
02:54I think, uh, air fryer.
02:59I just don't like the conversation.
03:02Why?
03:03If someone came and found an air fryer, they'd start talking about air fryer.
03:08Where did you get, how big this...
03:10Oh, yeah, yeah.
03:11It's very boring.
03:14So, you don't like the chat that it generates, and then you brought it in this show.
03:18For the part of the show where we normally chat about a thing, you're annoying yourself now.
03:23No, just don't...
03:24But also, can we talk about...
03:25I love air fryer's.
03:26Can we talk about that?
03:27Seriously.
03:28No.
03:29Air fryer changed my life.
03:30Honestly, you slice a potato...
03:31This is great.
03:32Slice a potato...
03:33Tell me more.
03:34A little bit of salt...
03:35A little bit of olive oil...
03:36No.
03:37This is what I'm talking about.
03:38I know.
03:39I hate the conversation.
03:40Even better, Hughesy.
03:41Hey, if you are watching this show, and you're a big fan of Taskmaster, and you see Waka in the street, ask him about his air fryer.
03:47He would love it.
03:48Nah.
03:49Stop him.
03:50All right.
03:51Tommy, what are you ashamed of?
03:52Well, mine will sound good until you see it.
03:57Years ago, I did a sketch for a dear friend and comedian from this show, Luke McGregor, and it's a framed picture of all of us.
04:07Um, but have a look.
04:08Now, the reason I don't like having it out is obvious, because it starts a conversation.
04:23And for the record, Hughesy's is the only one that's accurate.
04:28No.
04:29No, can I say, and Luke did a great job with that show, because it gets played in schools, and it's been played in my own children's schools, and they say, is that your dad?
04:41It is crazy to label the one man of colour in that photo as other.
04:45All right, Emma, what are you ashamed of?
04:55Uh, it's my full-scale model skeleton.
04:58Oh.
04:59Uh, he sits in my house, and the only place he fits is this chair at the end of my bed.
05:06Um.
05:07I love his little cuck chair.
05:09I think it's really cute.
05:10Uh, and also, when we have guests over, particularly, like, my husband's parents, when they come over, we don't want them to see a full-scale skeleton, because it'll scare them, so I put him in my car, because there's no other place for him.
05:21What message are you sending by doing that?
05:24Uh, I am unwell.
05:25Yeah.
05:26Okay.
05:27So, Dave.
05:28Yes.
05:29It's a pillow, which is a weird thing to hide, because you shouldn't be ashamed of a pillow, should you?
05:34Um, yeah.
05:35So, that's my assignment.
05:37So, that's, um...
05:39It doesn't look like a pillow.
05:40It looks like you're getting a massage.
05:42I'm...
05:43It does.
05:47It makes me feel a bit egocentric to have it on display when visitors come over, so...
05:52You find that egocentric?
05:53Yeah, I'm...
05:54Yeah.
05:55Husey, for those who don't know, when we're in a foreign city, and we're walking at night together, he refuses to walk with us, because if someone asks us for a photo and not him, he gets offended.
06:05And so...
06:06No, I don't get offended, I get sad.
06:11So...
06:12Which is different.
06:13So, and you're all very well known in your own rights, and deserve recognition, but just, I don't want it around me.
06:18Uh...
06:19So, yeah.
06:20So, but anyway.
06:21I'm sick of people wanting to draw, paint me for the Archibald, alright?
06:25So...
06:26This is all...
06:27Stop it!
06:28This is all great, relatable stuff.
06:30No, because they pay you for the Archibald, you don't win, they don't even get in the final, and then...
06:35I know!
06:36They put the painting up on eBay, and I have to buy it!
06:39I know!
06:40How many?
06:41How many do you have?
06:43I've got about three at home.
06:45I've got to allocate some points here, as always, it's pretty challenging.
06:55Yeah?
06:56I'm going to give one point to Waka.
06:57Okay.
06:58And I do encourage anyone who does run into Waka to have a chat about it.
07:01It's a great chat.
07:02No need to be ashamed of it.
07:03Chat about it.
07:04Don't talk to me.
07:06I don't ask about it, anyway.
07:08Tommy Little, you get two points, because you had HIV, and you're referring to that as a negative, and some people live with it.
07:13No, no, I'm referring to it.
07:14And it's nothing to be ashamed of.
07:16And I'd hate for anyone at home to feel terrible because of Tommy Little's poorly thought through comedy.
07:22LAUGHTER
07:25I'm going to give three points to Emma, because I feel like a skeleton.
07:28It's not that embarrassing.
07:30Four points to Lisa, because I could smell the photo.
07:33LAUGHTER
07:34But five points is going to go to Husey, because that pillow's disgusting.
07:38LAUGHTER
07:39APPLAUSE
07:42APPLAUSE
07:43All right.
07:44So we know what they're playing for.
07:46How are they playing for it, Lester Tom?
07:48For this next task, my tunnel vision really came in handy.
07:51LAUGHTER
07:52Hi Emma.
07:53Oh my god.
07:54LAUGHTER
07:55Hi Waka.
07:56Hello Tom.
07:57Oh hi Tom.
07:58Do you want me to come and read it next to you, so we can be together?
08:00Yeah, if you want, why not?
08:01OK.
08:02Ah!
08:03Oh my god!
08:04Oh my god!
08:05‑‑
08:09Oh my god!
08:10Oh, ho ho ho ho ho.
08:11Hi Waka.
08:12Hello Tom.
08:13Uh, hi Tom.
08:14Do you want me to come and read it next to you so we can be together?
08:16Yeah, if you want, why not?
08:17Ok.
08:18Aah!
08:19Oh my god!
08:20Oh my god!
08:21Oh my god!
08:22Oh my god!
08:24Shit!
08:25Oh!
08:26They just work on the show.
08:30They just work on the show.
08:34Sneak the sticky-taped balloon along the tunnel to Tom.
08:40It's about the balloon that was back there.
08:42The lights will turn off for five seconds every eight seconds.
08:47If Tom sees the balloon when the lights are on, you must start again.
08:51Whenever the lights come on, you must wave at Tom with both hands.
08:55If the balloon pops, you will be disqualified.
08:59Fastest to get the balloon to Tom wins.
09:01Your time starts now.
09:06Oh, Phoebe, five seconds for eight seconds.
09:08Hang on, five seconds for eight seconds.
09:10Careful of the spooky people.
09:11Ah!
09:18What happened, Tommy?
09:19Were you frightened to learn that there are other people working on the show?
09:24Embarrassingly, yes.
09:26OK, who's down the shaft first?
09:28As the youngest contestants, they were probably mucking around with balloons most recently.
09:31It's Wakka and Emma.
09:34OK.
09:35Might as well just give it a go, hey?
09:39Hi, Tom.
09:40I can see the balloon.
09:41Please return to the start.
09:48Please wave, Emma.
09:49Hi, Tom.
09:51You're not really waving to me.
09:56Faster, faster.
09:57Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
09:59I can see the balloon.
10:00Yeah.
10:01Oh, this is hard.
10:02I saw the balloon.
10:03All right.
10:04Hi, Tom.
10:05Hi, Emma.
10:06Yes.
10:07I got it.
10:08I can put...
10:10Actually, I can move here at that time, actually.
10:12Hi, Tom.
10:13Hi, Tom.
10:14Hi, Tom.
10:15Hi, Tom.
10:16Hi, Tom.
10:17Hi, Tom.
10:18Hi, Tom.
10:19Hi, Tom.
10:20Hi, Tom.
10:21Hi, Tom.
10:22Hi, Tom.
10:23Hi, Tom.
10:24Hi, Tom.
10:25Hi, Tom.
10:26Hi, Tom.
10:27Hi, Tom.
10:28Hi, Tom.
10:29Hi, Tom.
10:30Hi, Tom.
10:31Hi, Tom.
10:32Oh, f***.
10:33He scared the s*** out of me.
10:35Two minutes and 20 seconds left.
10:39Take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it.
10:44Oh, it's the task again.
10:50Here.
10:51What?
10:52What?
10:53What?
10:54What?
10:55What?
10:56All the information you need is in the task.
10:58What?
10:59What?
11:00All the information you need is in the task.
11:01What?
11:02What?
11:03What?
11:04What is the way to reach Tom win?
11:09Give me the bullet.
11:10Okay, okay.
11:11When you're done.
11:12Thanks, Waka.
11:18Bye, Tom.
11:19Bye, Tom.
11:20Bye, Emma.
11:21Oh, my God.
11:22It happened again.
11:23So, Waka, what did you think the task was?
11:35You just had to run to the end, pretend you were pregnant, then rub your belly on...
11:40I thought it's finished.
11:41You know, I already arrived and then I say hello to Tom and I thought it's finished.
11:45So, you thought it's finished because you said hello, so then you desperately rubbed your
11:48tummy on him.
11:49I touched a Tom too.
11:50Shake your hands there.
11:51Yeah.
11:52So, you took the plinth with you, Emma.
11:53How do you think that worked?
11:54Uh, it was pretty arduous on my big muscles.
11:58But I made it work.
12:00And so, before that you were trying something else, you were just trying to stash them behind
12:03those pillars.
12:04Yeah, but like, because of the nature of the balloon, it just kind of kept floating out.
12:08Right.
12:09And so, I didn't really...
12:10Honestly, I felt like it was the only option for me, what I ended up doing.
12:13Uh, Emma's plinth shuffling took 10 minutes and 17 seconds, and Waka, even after doing
12:1899% of the task and then starting again, took exactly 9 minutes.
12:25Okay, Emma and Waka have done well and earned 2 minutes on their Gameboy Color.
12:30We'll have a little rest, a few cordials and see you after this.
12:43Welcome back to Taskmaster.
12:49We've got balloons, we've got the dark.
12:51Come on in, little children.
12:53That's right, our contestants are trying to sneak a balloon down a tunnel.
12:56If I see the balloon while the lights are on, the contestants must go back to the start.
13:00Up next, our older contestants.
13:02Did they struggle in the tunnel because they kept reaching for the light at the end of it?
13:06It's Lisa and Dave.
13:08I saw the balloon.
13:13Ah, yeah, I know.
13:14I'm starting again, yeah?
13:16Yes.
13:18Ah!
13:24I know, you saw the balloon.
13:27I saw the balloon!
13:31Oh, shit.
13:32It didn't.
13:33Ah!
13:36Thanks, Lisa.
13:37Dave.
13:38Your time starts now.
13:40Ah!
13:42Ah!
13:43Ah!
13:44Ah!
13:46Ah!
13:47Ah!
13:48Ah!
13:50Ah!
13:51Thanks, Dave.
13:52Those rocks have not been eroded enough.
13:54Please walk back down the tunnel, Dave.
13:57Ah!
13:58It's not my finest moment!
14:01So, Dave, when the task is to not pop the balloon, that's key.
14:09Yeah.
14:10Why did you think putting it against a wall of sharp rocks would help?
14:14Balloons are stronger in my day.
14:16Ah!
14:17Ah!
14:18And, ah, yeah.
14:19So, for me, it was the last task of the day and it was beer o'clock earlier than they thought
14:23it was going to be, so...
14:26Lisa, I think I'm glad yours popped because you didn't seem to be very good at hiding the
14:29balloon.
14:31It was poking out all over the place.
14:33I know.
14:34And, look, it does look worse.
14:35I took longer in between.
14:36It didn't happen that quickly, but basically I was really shit at it.
14:40Well, I think I'm kind of relieved, actually, because they're both, you know, some of the
14:43oldest contestants on the show.
14:45And I just feel like if you did run further down the corridor and you discovered the
14:49crew that were working there, I'm just worried you could have had a heart scare.
14:56And, I mean, spare a thought for the crew as well, Tom, because obviously if Lisa comes
15:00down, the crew are going to scare Lisa, but if Yuzi comes down, the crew are going to
15:04shit themselves.
15:06So, Lisa's balloon popped after two minutes and 35 seconds.
15:09I think Dave's effort, you could argue, what he did was indistinguishable from if the
15:13envelope had said, pop the balloon.
15:16It popped after 24 seconds.
15:21You know, at least you offered us some brevity.
15:23Cashman, let's go.
15:24Like a helium balloon, the only way he knows how to have fun is to get really high.
15:28It's Tommy Little.
15:30Whenever the lights are on, you must flail both hands in the air and scream loudly.
15:36Your time starts now.
15:38Just making...
15:41Ah!
15:43Ah!
15:46Ah!
15:48Ah!
15:49Ah!
15:51Ah!
15:53Ah!
15:54Ah!
15:56Ah!
15:57Ah!
15:58Ah!
15:59Ah!
16:00Ah!
16:01Hello.
16:02Hi.
16:03Hi, Tommy.
16:04Hi, Tommy.
16:05Oh, my God, don't pop.
16:10I saw the balloon.
16:11Please go back to the start.
16:12What the ?
16:25It's dark.
16:25It's dark.
16:26Take the balloon.
16:26Take the balloon.
16:27You savage.
16:30Thanks, Tommy.
16:31You can keep the lights on when I walk away.
16:33Excellent, it's that way.
16:34But, you know what I'm talking about, but...
16:37F*** you.
16:43Yeah, so, Tommy, we accidentally worded your task a bit differently.
16:48Barely discernible, though.
16:50And so, ultimately, you just did Waka's trick.
16:52You just stuffed it up your shirt.
16:54Well, to be fair, I didn't know it was Waka's trick,
16:55so, according to me, it was my trick.
16:59Sorry, I'll pick that up.
17:01Waka did Tommy's trick.
17:02And then we both didn't read a task in the end.
17:13Well, Tommy, he flailed only in the literal sense.
17:16He took just three minutes and 52 seconds.
17:18And that means Dave and Lisa get zero points,
17:23Emma gets three, Waka gets four,
17:25but Tommy wins the task with five points.
17:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:29And in terms of scores for the overall episode,
17:31we've got Emma on six, but Tommy's in the lead with seven points.
17:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:37All right, let's move on from this unholy service shaft.
17:41I'm just getting word I've been granted three wishes.
17:43I wish for a new task.
17:45I wish for it to be entertaining.
17:46And my third wish is for everyone to know
17:48how thankful I am for those first two wishes.
17:50LAUGHTER
17:51It's a long way.
18:07I should have taken the bike.
18:09I jog because I love tasks with you.
18:13Just the usual?
18:14Flip a coin from the furthest distance into the wishing well.
18:20You must make a new wish with every flip.
18:23You have five minutes.
18:25Your time starts now.
18:26All right, it's easy one, simple one.
18:28World piece,
18:29because let's do a new world piece on an easy one.
18:32That's good. We're going well.
18:33Ten million bucks.
18:39I think the duck is laughing at your wish.
18:40I want to be cool.
18:44I wish you'd stop looking at me like that.
18:47That's OK.
18:48I wish I had longer legs.
18:52I want to be popular.
18:55I wish I could see Coldplay live again.
18:58But my hair continues to be luscious.
19:02Oh, God.
19:03I want a helicopter.
19:05I want a plane.
19:06Oh, you mother.
19:09Did I get that one in?
19:10Yeah.
19:11Oh, yay, there's hope for me yet.
19:14What's that?
19:22Make the wish from your last successful flip come true.
19:26Truest made, wish wins.
19:28You have 30 minutes.
19:29Your time starts now.
19:31I don't even remember what the wish was.
19:32What was my last successful flip?
19:34What did I say?
19:35Do you remember what your...
19:37Yes, we all remember what it was.
19:47So, just to be clear, we want to see them make their last wish come true, but we haven't seen it yet.
19:53That's correct.
19:53We got an insight into how privileged Husey's life is.
19:58Most people just want their life to be better.
19:59Husey just wants to continue to have luscious hair.
20:04On the other hand, in Husey's defense, his first wish was world peace.
20:07Tommy's first wish was $10 million for himself.
20:11OK, let's get this wish list cranking.
20:13First up, with the most Tommy Little wish imaginable, it's Tommy Little.
20:16What's the most cliché thing you think I would wish for?
20:19A bigger dick.
20:25Who cares about the rest of the task?
20:33How big is it at the moment?
20:34It's not big.
20:35That's actually good for this though.
20:36I can't just get an erection on TV.
20:42Heat might help.
20:43No, but even then, comparatively, it'll make my balls appear bigger
20:47and my dick look even smaller.
20:49So, you only ever measure the size of the penis relative to the balls?
20:54That's good.
20:55I don't know what's good about what I just said.
20:59I just thought I could make my balls smaller.
21:01And so, comparatively, if I put ice down my pants...
21:05Yes.
21:06...and you scare me...
21:07Yep.
21:08Is that television?
21:09I think that's fun.
21:10How long we got?
21:1216 minutes and 20 seconds.
21:13Okay, I figured you could scare me as a clown.
21:15Okay.
21:16And remember, somehow, this is to make my dick bigger.
21:19Okay, yep.
21:20Okay, are you ready?
21:22Yep.
21:23Ah!
21:25Okay, close your eyes.
21:26Oh, my God!
21:28Ugh!
21:29Don't hurry up!
21:30Tommy, open your eyes in five seconds, count down.
21:33Five, four, three, two, one.
21:37How do you think it went?
21:50Not good, bro.
21:51So, Tommy, first of all, congratulations for being on brand.
22:03I'll have it known, getting an erection was the easy option and I chose not to take it.
22:10So you were wanting to create the illusion of largeness via making something else smaller?
22:16Yes.
22:17And hoping I wasn't secretly aroused by clients.
22:20OK, but was your wish that you wanted to make it seem bigger or that you wanted to make
22:26it bigger?
22:27Seem bigger?
22:28I think it was you wanted to make it bigger.
22:32Yeah.
22:33So, I think it would have been unchanged in length, perhaps even shrunk a bit just from the...
22:37It definitely would have shrunk.
22:38Did you see that tape measure?
22:39I was no way that big before.
22:41He has got us a little bit in that he's not allowed to measure it.
22:47We kind of have to trust him to some degree for the measurement.
22:49Yeah.
22:50Ashma's right, you've got to trust Tommy Big Dick on this one.
22:53LAUGHTER
22:54OK.
22:55They just told me we're going to take a break, but I think that's code for the show has been
22:59cancelled.
23:00LAUGHTER
23:01Thanks to Tommy.
23:04Find out whether we're back or not...
23:06..soon!
23:07APPLAUSE
23:08Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:20We're in the throes of a task and wishing for a good outcome, aren't we, Tom?
23:24That's right, Tommy was first, and we all know what Tommy did.
23:28LAUGHTER
23:29Next up, like a stingy genie, she'll only make one wish come true, it's Emma Holland.
23:34Oh, I wish I knew what it meant to love.
23:36LAUGHTER
23:37Why did I say that?
23:39I'm going to try and develop a love friendship with you in the next 30...
23:4326 minutes and 38 seconds.
23:44OK.
23:45What's your favourite childhood memory?
23:46The only thing that's coming to mind is me winning cross-country.
23:49OK, I feel like I could learn to love you if I saw you in a moment of pure joy.
23:55OK.
23:56And I think a moment of pure joy would be you winning a race.
23:59Ready?
24:00Yeah.
24:01Set.
24:02LAUGHTER
24:19Congratulations.
24:21Well done.
24:22Wow, now I know what it means to love.
24:25I feel like that's what nerd love looks like.
24:30LAUGHTER
24:31You look like you're met at a flash mob.
24:33LAUGHTER
24:34That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me.
24:37LAUGHTER
24:38OK, so you wanted to know what it meant to love,
24:41and you're married.
24:43LAUGHTER
24:45And I presume your husband's watching the show.
24:48Yeah.
24:49And so that's awkward.
24:50It's like, you know, I'm on the screen, I'm playing a character,
24:53you know, I'm not really me.
24:54Oh, I see.
24:55Yeah, OK.
24:56Can we establish that you do love your husband?
24:59Oh, yeah, if you want to say that, sure, yeah.
25:01LAUGHTER
25:02All right, Cashman, I wish for us to see another go.
25:06Will there be wishful thinkers or bashful stinkers?
25:08It's Waka and Lisa.
25:10I want to eat steak tonight.
25:11I wish that I could cook a souffle.
25:13Yes!
25:14Steak!
25:15Do you smell?
25:16Do you know?
25:17Do you want to whisk the egg whites?
25:18I reckon you've probably got about ten minutes left of that,
25:19and then we'll be great.
25:20Ten minutes of this?
25:21Yep.
25:22So, 190 on the oven.
25:24Make a wish is great, but don't be too big.
25:26Small steps.
25:27Small dream makes you happy.
25:28Does it say anything in there about what to do when your arm starts getting sore?
25:31Hey, you just keep going.
25:32You're building up muscle.
25:33Just don't worry about the pain.
25:34Beat the egg yolks well.
25:35Oh, sorry.
25:36It's these you've got to beat, not those.
25:37It's all right, just start on those.
25:38It'll be alright.
25:39It's good for you.
25:40I'm going to do a warm, warm, warm, warm, warm.
25:41I'm going to do a warm, warm, warm.
25:42I'm going to do a warm, warm, warm, warm.
25:43We'll be happy.
25:44The best of this.
25:45Yep.
25:46So, 190 on the oven.
25:47Make a wish is great, but don't be too big.
25:50Small steps.
25:51Small dream makes you happy.
25:52Does it say anything in there about what to do when your arm starts getting sore?
25:54Hey, just keep going.
25:55You're building up muscle.
25:56I'm going to do a warm basin of warm water.
26:03Just chuck the eggs in there just to warm them.
26:05I can't find a sifter.
26:06And I'm just going to sift it through your hands.
26:08Hey, who does the dishes here?
26:10Um, me.
26:11Okay, oh, my God.
26:13I accidentally poured water into the...
26:14Oh, my God!
26:18I'm going to do it again.
26:26Do you reckon I get a couple of minutes back
26:29for the moment that you put the water in my eggs?
26:32Unfortunately not. I'm sorry.
26:34It is just going to be a fast rise.
26:40I did everything perfect in this task.
26:48How do you feel?
26:50Deflated.
26:51What will you eat steak tonight?
26:56Is this your philosophy in life, Waka?
27:01Yeah, and it looks good, right?
27:02Looks good.
27:03You know what?
27:04Because I didn't use air fryer.
27:12Better.
27:13Waka got very lucky.
27:15If I could read out some other wishes you made.
27:17I want to be cool.
27:19I want to be tall.
27:20I want to win Taskmaster.
27:22I want to travel more.
27:23I want to buy a house.
27:23I want to live longer.
27:24I want to be a genius.
27:25And then I want to eat a steak tonight.
27:28That goes in.
27:34So, Lisa, I haven't eaten too many souffles
27:38that are just watery eggs.
27:40Yeah, and look, I was hoping my experience
27:41would be a little more like your experience
27:43with your steak.
27:44But I think we had a few issues in the kitchen
27:46and it just, it turned to shit.
27:49And that's okay.
27:50And I would like to formally apologise.
27:52You did tell me to put the egg yolks down under the sink
27:56but then I forgot about it and washed my hands.
27:57Do you know what?
27:57It was a mistake and we make mistakes
27:59and that's okay.
28:00That's all right.
28:02I really like you
28:03and I would love to cook more souffles with you one day.
28:06I really enjoyed your company in the kitchen.
28:08I can see, like, I fell in love in that moment.
28:11A little bit like,
28:12like you should have cooked with him
28:14because it was a moment.
28:15Yeah, I love Tom.
28:19Lisa's being very sweet.
28:20If I could just read out a few of your other wishes,
28:23which are very sweet.
28:23I wish that all these little ducks would start quacking.
28:28I really wish that Tom Gleeson was here.
28:31I wish to be on a mountain where it's snowing
28:33in a warm cabin.
28:34I wish for my children to stay at home forever.
28:38I do.
28:38I like doing their washing.
28:42Lisa failed with the souffle,
28:43did not achieve the wish,
28:44but it's kind of your fault, buddy.
28:46No, I'm happy to cop it.
28:47I don't want him to take the blame for it.
28:49I'm happy to take one point.
28:50It was Tom's fault my dick didn't get bigger.
28:53Are you saying that your normal amount of horniness
29:02was reduced to a point where an erection didn't kick in
29:05where if I wasn't there, it would have?
29:07Shut up, dick shrinker.
29:10OK, let's souffle our way
29:12to the final attempt, Tom Cashman.
29:14Will he be wishing poorly or wishing well?
29:16It's Dave Hughes.
29:18My wife doesn't buy too many cats.
29:21Gone for that.
29:22I've got to ring my wife
29:24and convince her not to buy any more cats.
29:26I'll convince her by saying,
29:27honey, I got scratched by a cat.
29:29I think I might have a cat infection.
29:31If my cat-infected blood gets infected by another cat,
29:34could be curtains for me.
29:35I've got feline aids.
29:37I feel like I need to send her a photo of a scratch.
29:42This is beautiful.
29:43I just got bitten by a stray cat.
29:47Now I don't feel great.
29:49Production's freaking out.
29:51I'm going to call it.
29:52Come on.
29:53Come on.
29:54You've got an answer.
29:55Your husband's bleeding to death.
29:57Hi.
29:58You've caused 042.
29:59All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
30:01No, I don't want to worry you, honey.
30:03I don't.
30:03I'm not here to worry you.
30:04But my arm's starting to blow up.
30:05I've got an issue.
30:06They said contact next of kin.
30:08I'm going to ring one more time.
30:09Just come on.
30:11And if that's it...
30:11Hey.
30:12Babe.
30:13In class, are you going to the doctors or hospital?
30:15I just saw your messages.
30:16I don't know.
30:17It's weird.
30:18I don't know.
30:18I'm guessing you wouldn't feel sick straight away
30:20from something like that,
30:21but I still think you should definitely go get it checked out.
30:23All right, all right, baby.
30:24All right.
30:24My husband got bitten by a diseased animal.
30:27So you're going to go to the doctors or the hospital?
30:28Yeah, we'll sort it out.
30:29I'll talk to you later.
30:30All right, baby.
30:30I want to...
30:31Everyone wants to hear how you're going to go.
30:32Yeah, I'll talk to you.
30:33All right, thank you.
30:34Sorry, sweetie.
30:35Bye.
30:35Bye.
30:36I think I've done pretty well.
30:37She took it very seriously.
30:40Are you going to call her and clarify?
30:42Nah, she'd be wrong.
30:51You seem pretty happy just to let your wife worry
30:54from then on, Husey.
30:55Yeah, it was...
30:56I didn't want any more cats, guys.
30:58I honestly didn't.
30:59We had one cat at the time,
31:00so I wanted to keep it that way.
31:02So your wish was to not have any more cats?
31:04Yeah.
31:05How many cats do you have now?
31:06I've got three now, so...
31:08LAUGHTER
31:08APPLAUSE
31:09So this is becoming rather easy to score,
31:16because I feel like straight away it's obvious
31:18that Husey's wish didn't come true.
31:20OK.
31:20And also Tommy Little's wish didn't come true.
31:23So I'm going to give them all one.
31:27OK.
31:27I'm going to give two points to Lisa,
31:29because it's your fault that the souffle failed.
31:31Emma Holland, it kind of came true,
31:34so I'll give her two points.
31:35OK.
31:35But it definitely came true for Waka,
31:37so five points.
31:39Yes!
31:41So one, one, two, two, five for Waka.
31:44OK.
31:45OK, it's time to take the TV version of Asleep
31:47and go to a break.
31:48Have some little sweet dreams,
31:51and we'll see you in the morrow.
31:53APPLAUSE
31:54Welcome back to Classmaster,
32:08where we just donated all the coins
32:10from our wishing well to Tom Cashman's charity of choice,
32:13Nerds Against Wedgies.
32:14LAUGHTER
32:15This next one has smoke,
32:17so you know it's fire.
32:18Hey, matey boy.
32:36Hi, Dave.
32:38I have no idea what's this.
32:39Is this a smoke machine?
32:41Yeah.
32:42Yeah.
32:43As opposed to you,
32:45a smoke show.
32:46I find this space really creepy.
32:51Oh.
32:52I just wanted to tell you that.
32:53Unveil something unsophisticated
32:55with this smoke machine.
32:57You must emit smoke in 20 minutes.
32:59And your unveil begins when the smoke clears.
33:03Most unsophisticated unveiling wins.
33:06Your time starts now.
33:08Do you consider yourself
33:09to be a very sophisticated person?
33:10No.
33:12No.
33:13I try very hard not to be.
33:14What's the most sophisticated you've ever felt?
33:17I had my hair in a bun once.
33:19Yeah, that was a pretty good day.
33:20I'm trying really hard
33:23to think of something
33:23that just doesn't involve
33:25bums, farts...
33:26Yes.
33:27...boobs, dicks.
33:28I think I'm going to build something really ugly.
33:29My rig's not in great shape.
33:32It's too sophisticated.
33:33But yours...
33:34looks savage.
33:36I reckon you could be nude
33:39eating a kebab.
33:40I'm going to be back.
33:41Well, no.
33:41You'll be back.
33:42It'll come.
33:43I don't know.
33:43We'll find out.
33:44So, Tommy, what about Lesser Tom's rig makes you think unsophisticated?
33:55Um, a fair bit about it.
33:58We actually had quite an honest conversation
34:00and Tom looked me in the eyes
34:02and he said,
34:03out of the two of us,
34:04I have the comedy body.
34:06Okay.
34:07Well, who's smoking up first?
34:09Attempting to be unsophisticated,
34:10it's two of the most polite people I've ever met.
34:13Emma and Lisa.
34:36Oh, my God.
34:40I have to leave.
34:48I'm so sorry.
34:49I just have to go.
34:51It is so bad.
34:54Voila.
34:56Do you like it?
35:00I'm really sorry.
35:02I'm sorry.
35:03I'm sorry to you, Tom.
35:04I'm sorry to Tom.
35:06I'm sorry I couldn't make it go any higher.
35:09This is a chicken.
35:10And he's using the cutler in the wrong hands
35:13and he's got a really big dong
35:14and I reckon that's pretty unsophisticated.
35:17I was trying to make the taskmaster have an erection
35:20because I thought it was really unsophisticated.
35:24Thanks, Emma.
35:25Can I go?
35:25Okay.
35:26Thanks, Tom.
35:27Can I go now, please?
35:28I'm so embarrassed.
35:30I'm so embarrassed.
35:32Oh, my God.
35:41The displeasure that it brought you, Lisa, brought a lot of pleasure to me.
35:45I'm so glad.
35:47I mean, I didn't want to be disrespectful to you and I didn't want to go that way.
35:52I didn't want to go to the Tommy Little way.
35:54I think a lot of people would be offended by what you just said,
35:58but I don't want you to go my way either.
36:01I mean this with all my heart.
36:03You're above it.
36:04Emma, I feel like you buried the lead
36:07because you were worried about your creation having cutlery in the wrong hand,
36:14which is very unsophisticated,
36:16but I feel like it's trumped by having its cock out.
36:21You know what?
36:22I think it speaks for itself.
36:25It was the last task of a really long day and I had lost my mind.
36:31Okay, all right.
36:32Well, onwards, more.
36:33Next up, being discourteous,
36:35it's another one of the most polite people I've ever met and Dave Hughes.
36:38It's Waka and Dave Hughes.
36:41The most unsophisticated thing in the world.
36:46Salt.
36:48I'm a fish.
36:50I'm a fish, but I don't like being fish
36:54because fish is unsophisticated.
36:57Some call it the essence of life.
37:00Others call it things bogans put on food.
37:03Before they taste.
37:04I hate being water.
37:05I want to be on the ground and then play very sophisticated sports.
37:10Golf.
37:10Golf is boring.
37:26I'm going to back to the water.
37:30I've done it.
37:31I've done it.
37:33So I see what you're going for, Hughes.
37:46The idea of like putting salt on something, seasoning food before trying it.
37:50Yes, my wife gets angry at me for doing it.
37:52Okay.
37:53I really enjoy it.
37:54So, you know, you've got to die of something, so let's go.
37:58Now, Waka.
37:59Yes.
38:00What the f*** was that?
38:01I just, I've been, I've been searching and looking and really polite to this point,
38:11but we're at episode four and I just got to be honest, I don't know what the f*** was going on.
38:16Good question.
38:17Yeah.
38:17So first, fish.
38:20They had the technology and they'd have a language, you know, fish is less than human, you know.
38:26Oh, so in terms of evolution.
38:28Yeah.
38:28And also that, I don't know what's it called.
38:31A trike?
38:31I used it.
38:32Oh, yeah, yeah.
38:33A trike?
38:33So that's an unsophisticated mode of transport.
38:36Compared to other, you know, cars or trains, you know.
38:39Okay.
38:40Good.
38:40See?
38:41That's true.
38:42See?
38:44I'm not sure that's the laughter of agreement.
38:46I think that's the laughter of bamboozlemen.
38:48I know.
38:50All right.
38:51Time for an ad break.
38:52Why not do the sophisticated thing and just sit there watching them, acknowledging the time
38:56and the effort that some advertising schmuck put into trying to coax money from you.
39:01Back soon.
39:16Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our female contestants have just debased themselves with
39:21jokes about dons.
39:23Yes, we're doing a task that asks for an unsophisticated unveiling with a smoke machine.
39:27Being unsophisticated should be a real stretch for him.
39:30Last up, it's Smoke Show Tummy Little.
39:31It's real good.
39:48Keep going.
39:49That's probably enough.
40:01Yeah.
40:02Great.
40:02Thanks, Doc.
40:33I'm not as shocked as you at no blur.
40:35It did make it look like you were just wearing a Depends.
40:40God, okay.
40:41Well, I have to score this.
40:42Yes.
40:43No one ever thinks about what it's like to be a Taskmaster when you have to deal with
40:46all this shit.
40:47Sure.
40:50Okay.
40:50Well, I feel like all the unveilings were kind of the same.
40:52They were just emerged from the smoke in pretty much the same way.
40:54So it really just comes down to the sophistication.
40:56Okay.
40:56The most unsophisticated, I think, well, I think it was you.
41:02I mean, you knew eating a kebab.
41:04I just don't want to see that ever again.
41:06So I think it's five to Tommy Little.
41:07Okay.
41:11And then starting at the other end, out of all of them, it's the most sophisticated,
41:15and that's just watching Husey eat some salt.
41:17Okay.
41:17Oh, that's harsh.
41:20So I'm one, am I?
41:22Yeah, you're one.
41:23Yeah, well, it's your show, so whatever.
41:26Okay, two for Waka, three for Emma, and four for Lisa,
41:29because I feel like they had similar vibes there to Unsophisticated Reveals,
41:32but I felt more menaced.
41:34My erection was better, I felt.
41:36Well, yeah, I felt...
41:38I was going for flaccid.
41:40I just want to make that quite clear.
41:41So was I.
41:42Yeah, so I'm giving four points to Lisa,
41:50because I felt personally targeted,
41:52so I felt like my feelings were hurt.
41:54So I want to reward that.
41:57Okay, so that's one point for Dave, two for Waka, three for Emma,
42:00four for Lisa, and five points for Tommy Little.
42:05And in terms of the overall episode,
42:08there's only four points separating the top four,
42:10with Tommy out in front with 13 points.
42:12Oh!
42:16All right, everyone,
42:18up to the stage for the final task of the show.
42:21All right, Lisa, Tom,
42:26you're my man on the ground up there.
42:27What's going on?
42:28Lisa is about to read a task.
42:30Okay.
42:31Land a sandbag on the scoreboard,
42:34then say a word with the number of letters
42:38equal to your landed score.
42:41Oh!
42:42Okay, your word must begin
42:45with your randomly assigned letter.
42:48If you fail to say a correct word
42:51within three seconds of landing,
42:54you will get zero points for that round.
42:56There will be three rounds.
42:58Most points wins.
42:59All right, this is good.
43:01Come on.
43:01Your first, Lisa.
43:02Okay.
43:02F.
43:11Minitowit.
43:11Follow.
43:12That's correct.
43:15Flucker.
43:16L.
43:20Litter.
43:21That's correct.
43:24Emma, please step up to the map.
43:26C.
43:26Cataract.
43:30That is incorrect.
43:31It has eight letters.
43:33Come on, Tommy.
43:34Tommy.
43:36F.
43:38It's a six.
43:39Follow.
43:41That is correct.
43:43Dave, please step up to the map.
43:45H.
43:4812.
43:50Hermaphrodite.
43:52This would be huge.
43:54It's got to be close.
43:54This would be huge.
43:55Hermaphrodite has 13 characters.
43:57Oh.
43:59That's hurtful.
44:02On to the second round.
44:04Lisa.
44:04Okay.
44:05E.
44:07Elate.
44:08That's incorrect.
44:09No.
44:10This is hard.
44:12Waka.
44:14F.
44:16Seven.
44:17Frick's ball.
44:18That's incorrect.
44:20That's eight characters.
44:22Good effect.
44:23Emma, are you ready?
44:24C.
44:25You've landed on the arrow.
44:29You get zero points.
44:32Tommy, are you ready?
44:33H.
44:36Seven.
44:36Heavenly.
44:38That's incorrect.
44:38Damn.
44:39That's eight letters.
44:40Oh.
44:41Dave, please stand on the map.
44:43A.
44:45That's ten characters.
44:46Anachronism.
44:49Anachronism.
44:52That's incorrect.
44:53Oh, how many?
44:55Eleven letters.
44:57I'm so close.
44:58What's anachronism?
44:59Oh, it's...
45:00Oh, I don't really know.
45:02All right.
45:03Well, if my random letter was B, then the number would be five and my word would be break.
45:08Because we're about to have one.
45:09See you in a bit.
45:10Welcome back to Taskmaster.
45:23No need for me to chew your ear off.
45:25Tom Cashman, can you set the stage?
45:27We're down to the final round, and the devil is at play, because Dave and Emma are on zero,
45:32but Lisa, Tommy and Wacka are all on six.
45:35It's 6-6-6 going into the final round.
45:38It's anyone's game.
45:39Lisa, please step up to the mat.
45:40Okay.
45:41Y.
45:44Ten letters.
45:46Yellowish.
45:47Incorrect.
45:48That's nine letters.
45:50Wacka.
45:52F.
45:54Three letters.
45:57Four.
45:59Correct.
46:04Emma.
46:05N.
46:07That's seven characters.
46:08Neater.
46:09That's incorrect.
46:11That's six letters.
46:12Tommy, you need four to take the lead.
46:15T.
46:18Four letters.
46:19Tramp.
46:20Correct.
46:23Dave, Tommy is on 10.
46:25You are on zero.
46:26B.
46:27Oh.
46:32Gone off the end.
46:33Zero points for Dave.
46:36Okay, get down here so I can spell out who won.
46:44Okay, so how did the scores end up for the live task?
46:48Well, Dave, unfortunately, overthrew on that last one, so he ended up with zero points along
46:52with Emma, then we had Lisa with six points, Wacka with nine, but Tommy won the task with
46:55ten points.
46:59That's two points for Emma and Dave, three for Lisa, four for Wacka, and Tommy with five
47:03points won the task.
47:04Okay, so let's get the final scores for the final scores for the episode, Cashman.
47:10Well, he won spelling and he's won the episode, it's 18 points with Tommy!
47:14All right, congratulations, Tommy, get up there and score yourself a sweet skeleton.
47:24Okay, well, what have we learned?
47:26Wacka taught us the first rule of the air fry is don't talk about the air fry.
47:31And we learned Lesser Tom's rig is exactly what you'd think it would be.
47:37Hip hip hooray for Tommy!
47:39Thanks for watching and see you on the next one!
47:57Welcome back to Taskmaster, it's our halfway point of the season.
48:02Thomas!
48:02Ah, you're a great person!
48:10The squad will find out!
48:12Stay in your lane, you f***ing snitch!
48:13Are you silencing a woman?
48:14Yes.