abonne toi chakal !
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AmusantTranscription
00:00 [Music]
00:04 Well, this morning when I woke up, I wanted to go hunting bison at Grand Coup de Winchester
00:07 but I remembered that in France, there was no bison.
00:09 #fullsum #malaise
00:11 So I wanted to take a plane ticket to the United States
00:13 except that when I arrived at the airport, the empty-haul driver told me
00:15 "It's dead, my dream, you'll never get through!"
00:17 So I went in, with my hands on my balls, eating noodles
00:20 and to console myself, I decided to tell you about America.
00:22 But be careful, not South America, alias Latin America
00:25 you know, this place full of natives and guys wearing hats.
00:28 No, we're here to tell you about the real Americans
00:31 you know, those who are fan of the Yankees and who eat cheeseburgers for breakfast.
00:34 So that's what we're going to do, so let's go talk about the Ricans, yee-haw!
00:37 The United States is a country of immigrants, and I don't say that because there are a lot of Mexicans
00:41 no, it's mainly because at the beginning, there were only Indians in America.
00:43 But after Christophe Colomb massacred them all with his bare hands
00:46 people from all over the world came to take their land
00:48 by building this new civilization on the ashes of Junior Bison.
00:52 The United States is one of the largest countries in the world
00:54 that is to say that Texas alone is larger than the whole of France.
00:57 But on the other hand, the Statue of Liberty is smaller than the Eiffel Tower.
01:00 And you can't take that away from us, we're the biggest, shat, shat.
01:03 The United States is an Anglophone country, which means that the majority of people speak English.
01:07 Except that in fact, they don't really speak English, but American
01:10 because our friends the Amerlocs have such a huge tongue
01:12 that they just decided to reappropriate the universal language.
01:15 Turning this noble dialect of gentlemen with a hat and tongue
01:18 into an incomprehensible jargon coming out of the mouth of an old Texan.
01:21 Well, I don't care, personally in both cases I only understand "chi"
01:23 so, uh, I don't give a shit, but still, hard shot for the Rosebies.
01:26 Donald Trump is the president of the United States.
01:28 Well, that's what I would have said if he was still the president of the United States.
01:31 Since now it's Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., better known as Joe Biden.
01:35 But since he's not black and doesn't want to fire all Mexicans,
01:38 well, he tends to talk less about him, this good old Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.
01:42 The official currency of the United States is the American dollar.
01:45 The American dollar, my guy.
01:47 If that's not proof that they have a colossal melon,
01:49 it's like we pay with French euros by singing the Marseillaise.
01:52 No, but wait, the American dollar, hello, wait, what's the next step, honestly?
01:56 The American football, maybe?
01:57 Uh, American football already exists, actually.
02:00 Spoiler!
02:01 But I know, it was irony, Timothée, I-R-A-U-N-Y-S.
02:04 Irony, Timothée, yes, I'm dyslexic, it's okay, we're not going to make a cheese out of it, are we?
02:08 Besides, American football, what's this joke, seriously?
02:10 The guys were just frustrated with being bad at football and rugby.
02:13 So, well, they mixed the two to create a sport in which they were strong,
02:16 and since it was them who invented the rules, well, they could do whatever they wanted, the Boogers.
02:19 So, call it American football and rename real football to soccer.
02:22 But what do I see far away? Is it a prideful homo?
02:24 No, it's the colossal melon of the United States.
02:27 Cowboy means cowman, because yes, killing Indians wasn't their main activity, it was just a hobby.
02:32 In fact, they spent more time cleaning shit and making cranes to park their bulls.
02:36 Yeah, I know, it's less of a dream, but it's the hard reality, Bobby,
02:39 because there's only one thing that's really sure in this shitty life,
02:41 it's that Hollywood cinema is lying to us.
02:43 The American dream is a banana, my friend.
02:45 The guys want to make me believe that if I have courage and determination,
02:48 I have the power to get what I want in life, including Dwayne Johnson's bodybuilding.
02:52 But the dice of fate are stacked, our future is predetermined, my man.
02:55 I'm 1.75m tall and I can't stand lactose, so for me, it's dead, my friend.
02:59 There are people who travel the whole world to see the Grand Canyon,
03:02 a giant hole located in a region where the climate is particularly unpleasant.
03:05 So the guys spend thousands of euros just to get an insulation.
03:08 No, but you don't understand, it's for the beauty of the landscapes,
03:11 the essence, the culture of the unknown, and that, it literally has no price, my good friend.
03:15 Ah yes, yes, I confirm, it has a price, it's 1,270 euros the ticket, plus 100 euros the hotel,
03:19 so if you go as a couple for a week, not counting the breakfast, you get 3,000 bucks.
03:23 Oh yeah, oh yeah, okay, but the guy is 1st degree, what.
03:26 But I'm super disappointed, I thought we were in a stable environment,
03:29 with no judgment, but I think I was wrong, I think I was wrong.
03:31 The United States are the first world power, in other words, they can take whoever they want in a V1.
03:36 The president of the United States has, for official residence, the White House,
03:39 that is, during the entire duration of his mandate, he must live in this building.
03:43 But at the end of the latter, he will be kindly ordered to leave,
03:46 because the White House is for the winners, not for those who have lost the elections.
03:49 So you just have to burn your bonnet and go back to your mother's house.
03:52 Hollywood is the capital of cinema in the United States,
03:55 so we can say without taking too much risk that it is the world capital of cinema.
03:58 But it's also a brand of French chewing gum,
04:00 so we can say without too much risk that it has nothing to do with this video.
04:03 Las Vegas is one of the most famous cities in the United States,
04:06 because it has the particularity of having more than 65 casinos.
04:09 So if you want to invest money while being sure not to earn anything,
04:12 it's certainly the best way to expand your savings.
04:15 And by the way, you can also marry your best friend in front of Elvis Presley's official swan,
04:19 and that's not cool.
04:20 Well, I personally have never been to the United States,
04:23 so my only vision of this country is GTA and action movies.
04:26 And when I see Trevor torturing people just to have fun,
04:28 well, it doesn't make me want to go there to spend my summer holidays.
04:31 Well, anyway, I don't have any, so it solves the problem, but still.
04:33 That's the end of this video, I hope you enjoyed it.
04:36 I invite you to take a look at our Tipeee so that we can go to the United States,
04:39 even if we're really going to Japan, but quietly.
04:41 You can also share this video with all your friends in America and elsewhere,
04:44 and leave a little blue thumb to save a baby bison.
04:47 Yes, yes, I swear it works.
04:48 Come on, kiss, ciao, America, fuck yeah!
04:51 Subscribe!