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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ah, the Golden Ears, free at last, to play. It was perfect.
00:00:09It's not the highest scoring, they don't have the biggest guys.
00:00:15Some people call it boring, but when you play it beneath blue skies,
00:00:23it's perfect, perfect, perfect, the game that I am high on.
00:00:30Perfect, perfect, perfect, a game you can rely on.
00:00:37But then, then there was our team.
00:00:41You know, I got up this morning and I took a shower and I couldn't believe what I saw in the mirror.
00:00:46Well, it's a big mistake looking in the mirror, Mel.
00:00:48Serious, I've got small.
00:00:50Maybe you were standing in a draft.
00:00:52Maybe your gut just got bigger.
00:00:54Maybe it was teensy-weensy from the beginning, Mel.
00:00:58To be the same on every field, from here to Maine.
00:01:04To be so fair was all American, that's for sure.
00:01:10Hey, come on, really, you guys ever notice that?
00:01:14Come to think of it, I ain't seen old Charlie in years.
00:01:18It's not the highest scoring, they don't have the biggest guys.
00:01:24Some people call it boring, but when you play it beneath blue skies,
00:01:33It's perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.
00:01:49Never said in Constellation my balls are hanging down to my knees.
00:01:53Ah, jeez.
00:01:55Workage in the field, there was nothing so real as the feel of a bat in your hand.
00:02:03Grab an old glove, blue skies above, slide home into the sand.
00:02:11We played together in the 50s.
00:02:13Keep your eye on the ball, Steve.
00:02:15Yeah, try not to look like a butt face again.
00:02:17Shut up, garbage breath.
00:02:19Spaz, moron.
00:02:2350 years later, most of us were still playing ball together, and we still didn't have uniforms,
00:02:27And we were still clowning around, having a good time.
00:02:31We liked to think of ourselves as hanging loose.
00:02:35Unfortunately, we were the kings of loose.
00:02:43We called our team appropriately Kids at Heart.
00:02:47Hey, try not to fart when you're swinging this time.
00:02:49I gave a breath.
00:02:51Butt case.
00:02:55No batter, no batter, no batter, no batter, no batter.
00:02:59Nice swing, Alice.
00:03:01Jeez, felt the breeze all the way over here.
00:03:03Come on, Steve, you're killing us.
00:03:05I've never seen anything like it, guys.
00:03:07You're the worst team in the world.
00:03:09No, no, no, no.
00:03:11You stink.
00:03:13Yeah, that's what our little league coach said.
00:03:15That mean we don't go for pizza today, coach?
00:03:17Pizza? He ain't bought us water.
00:03:21Hey, who knew a whale could live out of water?
00:03:23Jeez, Bobby, before we all puke.
00:03:25Hey, I've got the right to get some sun.
00:03:27Yeah, well, leave some for us.
00:03:29Don't you know that's against the law?
00:03:31What law?
00:03:33The ugly law.
00:03:35The ugly law?
00:03:37Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:03:47Go back to sleep, Roy.
00:03:49Great ups, road kill. She was real impressed.
00:04:10Zip it, booger face. I want any crap out of you, I'll squeeze your head.
00:04:14Hey, don't get upset. There's a lot of people with no talent.
00:04:16We're old and we're gray, we still like to play. Grab a ball, don't be a chump.
00:04:24Bruises, we get it. Knees, just forget it. This is gonna raise a lung.
00:04:30Just look at this beautiful day.
00:04:32I can't believe you love nature after all it's done to you.
00:04:36My wife forbids me to take my shirt off. She says she doesn't want to get nightmares.
00:04:40She likes your hair, Perry. It looks like it got it out of an ink bottle.
00:04:44More like somebody turned you upside down in a can of black shoe polish.
00:04:47Go ahead and laugh, but it's all natural. There's not a gray hair on my body.
00:04:52Really? You dye in your body hair too?
00:04:54Look, it's a stand-up comedian.
00:05:03I think we knew that taking life too seriously can be detrimental to your health.
00:05:07Maybe that's why we needed balls so much.
00:05:28Still amazes me how bad I would screw it all up.
00:05:38Coffee okay, Mel?
00:05:40It's pretty strong. I usually don't drink coffee unless I can see the bottom of the cup.
00:05:45Well, I'm sorry about the coffee, Mel.
00:05:49So what caused these panic attacks?
00:05:51What caused it? Losing the game. That's what caused it.
00:05:55You never cared before about losing.
00:05:58Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. You know that. I got my bats, my cleats, my glove.
00:06:06You know that old Mizuno I've had for 20 years?
00:06:10And I'm the happiest I've ever been.
00:06:14Except when I lose.
00:06:17Did you ever think, Mel, that maybe you don't know the difference between a hobby and an addiction?
00:06:24Well, I guess I do think about ball every waking minute. I even dream about it.
00:06:31And in my mind I go over and over every game.
00:06:34What I did wrong, how I could have played better.
00:06:38But when I play short and I turn the perfect double play or I get the winning hit, it's sheer perfection.
00:06:49You heard the one about, the one about Gandhi?
00:06:55When he died, they put his cells under a microscope. Guess what?
00:07:00I don't know.
00:07:02They all had smiley faces.
00:07:04Hey, you trying to tell a joke, Doc? You never laugh or be funny.
00:07:09You couldn't tell a joke if your life depended upon it.
00:07:15See you tomorrow, Doc.
00:07:31Better, better, better, better.
00:07:44Yeah, D.B., take your time, Jimmy. We'll just turn on the lights.
00:07:52Jimmy, get on, baby.
00:08:01The guy at third robbed me.
00:08:12You gotta make a good hit to get robbed, Jimmy.
00:08:15That was more like stealing candy from a baby.
00:08:18I thought about you guys yesterday. You know where I was? I was at the zoo.
00:08:31Mel popped it up. We're out of here.
00:08:34Teach him to look in the mirror.
00:08:41Why don't you guys break down and buy some uniforms?
00:08:44Hey, we're just not a uniform kind of team, Jack.
00:08:48We don't need no stinking uniforms to know who we are.
00:08:51I forget, who are we?
00:08:53The kids of the heart!
00:09:17You okay?
00:09:18Yeah, I'm okay.
00:09:19Maybe you ought to go sit a while, huh?
00:09:21I'm okay. I'm staying in.
00:09:23See that bounce? There wasn't nothing normal about that bounce.
00:09:26That thing came right up on him. You never had a chance, man.
00:09:31Time for some payback, huh, Will?
00:09:33Give me a second to catch my breath.
00:09:41No forfeit. Game is over.
00:09:46Come on, Mel. Go on in, Mel.
00:09:49Help of many.
00:09:57Are you sure you're all right, Mel?
00:09:59I'm fine, look.
00:10:02I'll see he gets home okay.
00:10:13Um, if it's worth anything, I think you did the right thing.
00:10:18People get hurt when they get mad.
00:10:22Yeah, but I hate to forfeit.
00:10:24I know. Sally Reed. We're playing on the next diamond.
00:10:28Oh, Will Fox.
00:10:33Uh, I coach the Hot Flashes.
00:10:36Oh, you're a woman's league. Fast pitch.
00:10:39Yeah, I'm the hard leg.
00:10:42But I have, um, I've watched you play. I have to admit, I really like your style.
00:10:46I mean, I'm not so serious like those other guys, right?
00:10:49Game's just a game. You keep the bigger things more important.
00:10:54Sorry, I, I, I rat a lot.
00:10:58And now my team is taking the field, so I have to go.
00:11:03It's been a pleasure.
00:11:09Yeah, hello?
00:11:10Will.
00:11:12Manny.
00:11:13Oh, Manny? Hold it. Let me pull over.
00:11:16Will, I, I, I just drove Mel to the emergency.
00:11:20Why?
00:11:21Will, he keeled over on me.
00:11:23What?
00:11:25I, he struck out, Will. He struck out permanently.
00:11:32A good man's gone. He's gone away. He's gone away for good.
00:11:42Where is she?
00:11:43Laura will be here. She had to pick up Mel.
00:11:47Mel was the best. A very good ball player.
00:11:51You know, we still need a shortstop.
00:11:54Give it a break here. Mel's very cold.
00:11:57Yeah, this is a memorial, see?
00:11:59Then we should be in a church, like normal people.
00:12:03This is Mel's church.
00:12:09Here she is. Here comes Laura.
00:12:13You know, Mel had great lateral moves. Good D. Couldn't hit 500, though.
00:12:20Neither can you.
00:12:22I'm 11 for 21. What's that, wise guy?
00:12:25I'll tell you what it is. It's 523, and you can kiss my double wide.
00:12:35Laura.
00:12:36Sorry I'm late.
00:12:38No problem, Laura.
00:12:44Here we go again.
00:12:51But first, why don't we all take a moment of silence?
00:12:57If that's possible.
00:13:06Me? I'm having the traditional.
00:13:09You know, quiet, casket, all the trimmings.
00:13:13You going down in the ground?
00:13:15That's where they put dead people, Barry.
00:13:17Yeah, they can't lay around up here.
00:13:21It must be dark inside a coffin.
00:13:24And cramped. I hear your nose touches the lid.
00:13:28In a box.
00:13:30What must that feel like?
00:13:32Well, then do what Mel did. Mel's not in a coffin.
00:13:37Poor guy, Mel.
00:13:39Doesn't seem possible.
00:13:43I wonder how much the dirt weighs on top of a casket.
00:13:47Mel and me, 163rd Street neighborhood, kids together, played ball all day.
00:13:55Saturdays, Sundays, four or five games.
00:13:58Even after dark, our moms came looking for us.
00:14:03It was heaven.
00:14:07How much air do you think is in one of them boxes?
00:14:1010 minutes? 15 minutes?
00:14:13All right.
00:14:16Very good.
00:14:19Laura?
00:14:28Oh, holy! Oh, my God!
00:14:30I got the whole thing!
00:14:32Look at my shoes!
00:14:33Be careful where you step!
00:14:35Is this illegal?
00:14:36Mel! Mel, I love you!
00:14:37Mel! Mel, I love you!
00:14:39I love you!
00:14:45Hey, Lenore, even at a funeral, you look like a movie star.
00:14:50Really?
00:14:52Laura, I'm really sorry about Mel.
00:14:57Deep down, I think Mel liked it best here.
00:15:00He wanted this to be his final resting place.
00:15:03Oh, I found this in Mel's wallet.
00:15:05Mel said this guy's a Marilyn Monroe wet dream.
00:15:11Well, see you around, Mel.
00:15:26You know, I know this isn't the time or the place, but we still need a shortstop.
00:15:30Yeah, I got a feeling about this season.
00:15:32You always got a feeling.
00:15:34You going to have a beer for Mel?
00:15:51Uh, hi. I'm looking for Larry Armstrong.
00:15:54Can I help you?
00:15:55Oh, yeah. I'm, uh, Will. Will Fox.
00:16:00You know, I'm looking for Larry Armstrong.
00:16:01Will Fox. You knew, uh, Mel Romeo?
00:16:06Yeah, I worked on Mel and Laura's cars. I was, uh, I was sad to hear about it.
00:16:141962-63, shortstop. It should have been Golden Glove.
00:16:21You had 298, 17 home runs, right?
00:16:26Right, until I blew up my knee.
00:16:28Well, Laura gave me your name. Mel carried it around his wallet. He thought you were great.
00:16:36Really?
00:16:38Well, Mel played softball. My arc.
00:16:41Yeah, I played some, too.
00:16:43You know, you got a good pitcher. The ball's almost as hard to hit as the sinking curve.
00:16:47Oh, yeah.
00:16:48Your, uh, team any good?
00:16:50Well, yeah. We're competitive.
00:16:53Competitive? Any championships you ever go all the way?
00:16:56I need a tire fixed fast. Can you do it quick or not?
00:17:01Just take a minute. Fill this out. Mark down how you're going to pay for it. Cash.
00:17:07Yeah, I don't know about traveling. My wife, she, uh...
00:17:09Are you messing with my car or what?
00:17:10Well, uh, you know, I can wait.
00:17:13I heard you win a nice ring.
00:17:15Well, yeah. You know, it's a World Series ring. It's Vegas in October.
00:17:20Hey, you take care of my tire or what? I'm waiting here.
00:17:24You started the season already. How many games left?
00:17:27Look, I'm not going to stand here and be ignored.
00:17:30Now, you know my business. That is fine. Goodyear is right up the street.
00:17:34Well, I mean, it's six. I mean, if we win them all...
00:17:38I'm out of here. You know, and I can't tell everyone I know what a piss-poor business you run.
00:17:42Yeah, tell them. But you hit the road.
00:17:46Uh, it looks like you lost a customer, Larry. I'm sorry.
00:17:49You know what I hate about this business?
00:17:51People think as you get a little grease on your hands,
00:17:54they have to write to treat you like a piece of dung. Well, not me, pal.
00:17:58You see this finger? It was cut off.
00:18:01I picked it up and put it in my pocket. They sewed it back on.
00:18:06How's the work?
00:18:07It didn't stop me.
00:18:08Well, I'm glad you're here, Larry.
00:18:10How's the work?
00:18:12It didn't stop me. Nothing stops me.
00:18:19My number is seven.
00:18:21Just like I wore in a big show.
00:18:23Seven?
00:18:25And I bat fourth in the lineup. I always bat fourth.
00:18:29Okay. I mean, you hit the long ball.
00:18:33Oh, yeah. I hit moonshots. Just wait.
00:18:37What's the name of your team?
00:18:39Kids at Heart.
00:18:42Kids at Heart. That's sappy.
00:18:45Bent over and passed a Vaseline kind of name. It says beat up on us.
00:18:50Wait.
00:18:52Okay. I got it.
00:18:54You see that movie Top Gun?
00:18:56Yeah.
00:18:57We're going to be the big guns. Howitzers, cannons, heavy loads. Got it?
00:19:03Yeah. Got it.
00:19:08He's got a certain little something about her.
00:19:29Big guns.
00:19:31Yeah.
00:19:33He's got a certain little piece of my heart.
00:19:37Kids at Heart.
00:19:39Let me get this straight.
00:19:41You want to make an official application to enter the league?
00:19:44Yeah, right.
00:19:47You're already in the league, Will.
00:19:50Except now we're going to win tournaments and we're going to go to the World Series.
00:19:55Look, we've known each other for over 25 years and you always have been in competition,
00:20:02but you have never qualified once for the Senior World Series in October.
00:20:07Well, maybe it's Kids at Heart we didn't want to win.
00:20:12Now we have big guns.
00:20:15All right. I get it.
00:20:17You're picking up a ringer.
00:20:19What's his name?
00:20:20Here it is.
00:20:22Larry S. Armstrong.
00:20:28Major League.
00:20:29S is for Savage.
00:20:33You sure you want to do this?
00:20:34I mean, things are going to really change.
00:20:37Yeah.
00:20:39And I'm looking forward to that change.
00:20:41All right.
00:20:43Now, get your team signatures and proof of age back to me, SAP.
00:20:52Always amazes me how much you guys want the World Series.
00:20:55Seems to bring out the best and the worst.
00:20:58For instance, I shit-canned a 50s team this morning
00:21:01because the coach was offering $100 to each of them for every home run they hit.
00:21:06Can you get over what some guys will do for an $18 trophy?
00:21:10Yeah, and a ring.
00:21:12Now it's human nature, I guess.
00:21:15Yeah, well, I was a mailman for 10 years and I quit
00:21:22because I had this dream about this senior softball league.
00:21:28I had two reasons for doing it.
00:21:31One, because I wanted to make a community.
00:21:33You know, society, it's held together by laws.
00:21:36I knew that, but the community needs things like compassion, fairness, spirit.
00:21:47Spirit.
00:21:48Well, sure, I mean, that's great, Rupert.
00:21:52Well, I was really small for a long time.
00:21:56Now we got lots of players worldwide.
00:22:00But no matter how big we get, we'll always be a community.
00:22:08Oh, you want to hear what my second reason was?
00:22:11Oh, yeah, sure, Rupert.
00:22:12What was your second reason?
00:22:14Well, I finally realized that no matter how cute, all dogs bite mailmen.
00:22:26Good luck, Will.
00:22:28Thanks.
00:22:34Yeah, you're gonna need it.
00:22:37Get in the World Series.
00:22:44Nobody who breathes looks like that.
00:22:47Where'd you find him?
00:22:48A cryogenic freeze tank?
00:22:51Bill was right.
00:22:52He is a Marilyn Monroe wet dreamer.
00:22:56I know him.
00:22:57Played with the Cardinals.
00:23:00Larry, the Savage Armstrong.
00:23:02Yeah, 62-63, hit 17 home runs till he blew out his knee.
00:23:07Doesn't look like his knee bothers him.
00:23:10Geez, Will, you did great.
00:23:13This guy's a young-looking 60.
00:23:16Let me ask you, how old you saying he is?
00:23:19Because if that guy's over 60, I'm a freaking camel.
00:23:22Yeah, Will, you think he's legal?
00:23:24That's on his birth certificate.
00:23:26Guy must really take care of himself.
00:23:28Got all this hair, too.
00:23:30That's what counts.
00:23:31Man, I never looked like that at 60.
00:23:34He never looked like that at 20.
00:23:36Come on, Will, Larry's terrific, but he's only one guy.
00:23:40Yep, we're not superstars like Larry.
00:23:43Yeah, and what's with the new team name, Big Guns?
00:23:46I mean, what's the matter with kids at heart, anyway?
00:23:48Oh, nothing.
00:23:49If you want to remain losers.
00:23:51Look, guys, I don't know about you, but I'm going to the World Series.
00:23:55I already bought the uniforms.
00:23:58Now, anybody that wants out, they can let me know.
00:24:00But if you're staying, you're going to have to go to the World Series.
00:24:04But if you're staying, you're going to have to grow up.
00:24:07And that means no more juvenile insults.
00:24:09No more potty talk.
00:24:10No more dorking around.
00:24:12I want 120% dedication out of every one of you.
00:24:16Okay?
00:24:18Ball's in your court.
00:24:24Hey, everybody.
00:24:27I've already memorized your names, so there's no need for introductions.
00:24:31Will tell you we're going to the World Series?
00:24:32Yeah, he did, but...
00:24:33Barry's.
00:24:34We're going to do it.
00:24:35Mark my words.
00:24:37Now, here's something for all of you.
00:24:39They're patches.
00:24:40You wear them, it gives you extra endurance and strength.
00:24:45What is it, drugs?
00:24:47Steroids.
00:24:48Nah, amino acids.
00:24:50We use them all the time in the big show.
00:24:53What's the show?
00:24:54It's the big league, Roy.
00:24:55Right, Larry?
00:24:56You've got it, Steve.
00:24:58Put your patches on.
00:25:00We're going all the way to Las Vegas.
00:26:03Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew chew.
00:26:08He's really popular with all of the fellas.
00:26:11Hey, guys.
00:26:13Got your patches.
00:26:16He causes whiplash wherever she goes.
00:26:20Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew.
00:26:22She's got a smile that will make the morning so jealous.
00:26:27You wanna jump?
00:26:29You have to jump.
00:26:31All right.
00:26:32All right.
00:26:38You guys are killer.
00:26:40Hey.
00:26:42You playing next door again?
00:26:43Yeah, looks like you've been recruiting.
00:26:46I hear you're going for it.
00:26:47Well, you heard right.
00:26:49All the way.
00:26:50Is that what the team wants?
00:26:52Well, sure, why not?
00:26:54Oh, no reason.
00:26:55No what?
00:26:56No, OK, look, I'm probably just imagining things,
00:26:59but I don't know.
00:27:01Y'all feel different.
00:27:02Well, sure, it's the uniforms.
00:27:05Yeah, yeah, the uniforms.
00:27:10Big guns, woo-hoo, bad.
00:27:21Larry, what are we doing down here?
00:27:24Trust me, this guy's the best.
00:27:26He got stuff you can't even believe.
00:27:29What stuff?
00:27:57June?
00:27:59So?
00:28:07Here it is.
00:28:08It's got a powder shell technology
00:28:10developed by the US military.
00:28:12How'd you get your hands on that stuff?
00:28:14Army had a surplus.
00:28:16Bottom line, increased performance.
00:28:19They bought everything they had.
00:28:21These babies are pure gold.
00:28:24Give you at least a 130 mile per hour ball
00:28:26and an extra 55 feet fly.
00:28:29Wow.
00:28:33Who are you?
00:28:34Best bat doctor in the world.
00:28:36What do you need?
00:28:37Hand loading?
00:28:38Shaving inside for extra flex?
00:28:40Repainting of a banned hyperfoma to make it look legal?
00:28:44What the?
00:28:46And these bats are legal?
00:28:48Until they ban them.
00:28:50Right now, June is the hottest bat
00:28:52that's just barely allowed.
00:28:54I haven't touched him, honest.
00:28:56What are you talking about?
00:28:58They're used.
00:28:59Hey, I'm a professional.
00:29:01I aged it specially for you.
00:29:03You don't want a bat to look brand new.
00:29:05Oh.
00:29:08How much are they?
00:29:11For my buddy Larry here?
00:29:13Bam!
00:29:15300.
00:29:17What, each?
00:29:18Each.
00:29:19We'll take a dozen.
00:29:21A dozen?
00:29:22If you want to win.
00:29:26Bam!
00:29:27Okay.
00:29:28God.
00:29:29Like you said.
00:29:32A dozen.
00:29:48These are the guys that hurt Mel.
00:29:50Playback time.
00:29:53Hold on.
00:29:54Bring it up.
00:29:57Winning run on third.
00:29:58Will, come on.
00:30:08They shouldn't have done that to Mel.
00:30:14First win, baby.
00:30:15First win.
00:30:21You all right, Stanley?
00:30:25You did that on purpose?
00:30:28Your team had it coming.
00:30:30Will, you really don't think that you hit the ball to Mel
00:30:33just to hurt him, do you?
00:30:36I don't know.
00:30:38But the guys think you did.
00:30:40And that's all that counts.
00:30:51Play and you win, or play and you lose.
00:30:57We just want to shake our blues.
00:31:01Play in the game, that's the isle someday.
00:31:05She's going to give you the news.
00:31:09Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:31:13The blues.
00:31:15That's what I'm talking about.
00:31:18Sometimes you hit, and sometimes you miss.
00:31:22Maybe the devil will give you a kiss.
00:31:27Sometimes you got it, sometimes you don't.
00:31:31You got to call it either way.
00:31:35Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:31:39The blues.
00:31:41The blues.
00:31:43Hit the ball out, or lay down a bunt.
00:31:47You got to swing early, meet it in court.
00:31:52Give her a smile, then tip her your cap.
00:31:56Maybe that devil will give you a slap.
00:32:00Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:32:04The blues.
00:32:06The blues.
00:32:08That's what I said.
00:32:10All you got to do is strap your cleats on.
00:32:13It's going to be a fine, fine day.
00:32:17Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:32:21The blues.
00:32:23The blues.
00:32:25Play it to win, or play it to lose.
00:32:29The blues.
00:32:30The blues.
00:32:36Oh, yeah.
00:32:43Are you sure, Bobby?
00:32:45My back will.
00:32:46I can't take this kind of play.
00:32:48Doctor says I'm out.
00:32:54You sure that's all?
00:32:56Sure.
00:32:57What else would it be?
00:32:58Some guys got bad backs.
00:33:03I can't be the same without you.
00:33:05It hasn't been the same for a while, Will.
00:33:09Goodbye.
00:33:29I'm going to go to church tomorrow, honey.
00:33:31Do you want to come?
00:33:32I've got a big game in Tulare tomorrow.
00:33:37Dad, did you know what Friday was?
00:33:41I told you it wasn't important to me.
00:33:43But it is important, Mom.
00:33:45And he forgot.
00:33:47What?
00:33:48Look at him.
00:33:49He still doesn't know.
00:33:50What?
00:33:51Friday?
00:33:52What was Friday?
00:33:53Your anniversary, which you forgot.
00:33:55I was in Bakersfield.
00:33:56It was at a game, sweetie.
00:33:57It was a playoff game.
00:33:58You know I couldn't miss that.
00:33:59It was your 20th anniversary.
00:34:01Oh, Chase.
00:34:03Sweetheart, I'm sorry.
00:34:04I'll take you out to dinner.
00:34:06I'll make it up to you.
00:34:07I promise.
00:34:08You know, you're not the same anymore.
00:34:10You're never home.
00:34:12I've got to go.
00:34:14Here.
00:34:15I've got to go.
00:34:17Here.
00:34:31I can't believe who the Dodgers have traded away.
00:34:34God damn it.
00:34:36Do not use that expression.
00:34:38What?
00:34:39What expression?
00:34:41If you ever use that expression again, you're gone.
00:34:44You understand me?
00:34:50All right, all right, Will.
00:34:51Geez, it just slipped out.
00:34:53Will says that God's last name is not Dan.
00:34:58I agree with that.
00:35:01I mean, I don't agree with things Will always does.
00:35:05For instance,
00:35:07the way he runs this team.
00:35:15Come on, Barry, let's go.
00:35:16Now's your time to shine.
00:35:17Let's go, do something.
00:35:26I was slow as you at hitchhike.
00:35:28Ha, ha, got one, honey.
00:35:29Hey, leave him alone.
00:35:30Give him some respect.
00:35:32He just hit a triple.
00:35:33Hey, not funny.
00:35:35Definitely not funny.
00:35:36You sound like a rude.
00:35:38Get a grip.
00:35:39You sound like a rude.
00:35:40Get a grip.
00:35:53How's it going, guys?
00:35:54How's everyone doing?
00:35:55Did you guys get anything to drink yet?
00:35:57Has anyone ever helped you?
00:35:58No?
00:35:59No menus?
00:36:00No nothing?
00:36:01First week, actually.
00:36:02Yeah, it's a little rough,
00:36:03but as you guys can see,
00:36:04it's really busy right now.
00:36:05And I'll be with you tonight.
00:36:07So I walk up to the car, see,
00:36:10and she rolls down the window.
00:36:13And guess what?
00:36:15She's got her skirt hiked up so high.
00:36:18She's got everything south of the border exposed.
00:36:22I mean, I'm looking from Nebraska to Mexico.
00:36:27I really don't like your mouth.
00:36:29Josh, not here.
00:36:31Come on, you want a lawsuit?
00:36:33It's not worth it.
00:36:35Come on, let's just go.
00:36:45Woo!
00:36:46What ate him?
00:36:48I saw that guy on TV.
00:36:50He's a professional wrestler.
00:36:52Professionals don't fight amateurs.
00:36:55They got too much to lose.
00:36:57Larry, are you trying to make a point that we're amateurs?
00:37:01Will, let it go.
00:37:03Let it go.
00:37:04No.
00:37:05What I'm saying is that we will not get to the real series
00:37:08unless we make some changes.
00:37:11Like losing some players.
00:37:13Like we did that Bobby Morelli.
00:37:15Look, Bobby Morelli bowed out because of his back.
00:37:18Everybody knows that.
00:37:19Whatever.
00:37:20He should have been gone long ago.
00:37:22And there's some others who need to bow out, too.
00:37:25Just who do you have in mind, Larry?
00:37:27They know who they are.
00:37:29Anybody not hitting 600 or better
00:37:32is not tournament material.
00:37:34End of story.
00:37:35Guess that'd be me, for one, Larry.
00:37:38Hey, no hard feelings, guys.
00:37:41Jimmy and Rory are averaging an inning of outs per game.
00:37:45We're entering the playoffs.
00:37:48I've seen the level of players we're going to face.
00:37:51And I say that we started this together
00:37:54and we're going to finish it together.
00:37:56Hey, Will, this is not personal.
00:37:59If you want to win, we need to make changes.
00:38:02I think we're doing all right.
00:38:04I got 2 buddies.
00:38:07Andy Dupar, Randy Adams.
00:38:10They both made AAA, got great power.
00:38:13You're going to love these guys.
00:38:15It's not going to work, Larry,
00:38:17because they were not rostered when we qualified.
00:38:20I got that figured out.
00:38:22Bobby and Mel are gone.
00:38:24We're bringing them in under the medical injury clause.
00:38:27They're 2 openings.
00:38:29What do you say about that, Will?
00:38:31I say that we're not out to win at all costs here.
00:38:35Well, maybe we need to have a new manager.
00:38:40You know, someone who's not afraid of a little competition.
00:38:47Maybe Larry's right.
00:38:49We're going to face tougher teams.
00:38:51Yeah, maybe we ought to shift gears here, Will.
00:38:54After all, we got a real shot.
00:38:57Is that what you guys want?
00:39:00You said you wanted to go to the World Series, Will.
00:39:04All right.
00:39:07I won't stop you.
00:39:21Andy, it's Larry.
00:39:24Andy, it's Larry.
00:39:26It's a go.
00:39:28Call Randy, you're both on.
00:39:31Yeah.
00:39:50Shots, my man!
00:39:52We've got reinforcement!
00:39:54Yes, yes, yes!
00:40:09Will, I don't ever bet 6th.
00:40:13What is this, some kind of mistake here?
00:40:16I always bet 5th.
00:40:19Well, there's the man to talk to, Mac.
00:40:26He's not the manager I am, and I say you bet 6th today.
00:40:30Randy's 3, I bet 4, Andy's 5.
00:40:34I'm out of here. Nobody bets me 6th.
00:40:38Quit whining.
00:40:40You bet where I tell you to bet. I run this team.
00:40:42You don't know nothing about ball.
00:40:44Nobody bets me 6th.
00:40:46Whoa!
00:41:11$300.
00:41:17$300.
00:41:19$300.
00:41:21$300.
00:41:23$300.
00:41:25$300.
00:41:27$300.
00:41:29$300.
00:41:31$300.
00:41:33$300.
00:41:35$300.
00:41:37$300.
00:41:39Go for it, man! He won!
00:41:41I can't. I think my leg fell off.
00:41:43Yeah, he's drinking again.
00:41:45He's drinking tuna.
00:41:57I don't know how you drink that stuff
00:41:59and still get up and play in the morning.
00:42:02You know, it's nothing like a little vodka
00:42:06to cleanse the palate.
00:42:09Yeah, well, you better show up ready to play tomorrow.
00:42:13When was I ever unable to play?
00:42:15Today.
00:42:17Oh, yeah.
00:42:19Yeah, but it was hot.
00:42:21I mean, it was Death Valley hot, man.
00:42:23120 freakin' degrees in the shade.
00:42:26I had heat exhaustion.
00:42:28And besides, I left a leg back there.
00:42:31Yeah, puked all over the field.
00:42:33They had to delay the game to clean it up.
00:42:38Hey, Larry!
00:42:40Hey, Larry, want a beer?
00:42:42No thanks, Vic, never drank.
00:42:44Listen, Steve, if you were swinging for the fence today,
00:42:49just relax.
00:42:51Well, I was batting last.
00:42:53I guess I'm just trying too hard.
00:42:55Well, just keep trying to get past first base.
00:42:58You did good, Stevie. Two for four.
00:43:01Hey, Larry kind of did okay.
00:43:05Four for four out there today?
00:43:07Keep trying, guy.
00:43:10Cream rises to the top, right, Will?
00:43:14You know, I, uh, admire the fact that you're still hanging around
00:43:18after what happened to you.
00:43:22Well, I started this team, Larry, so I'd like my ring, too.
00:43:27Yeah.
00:43:35Hi, honey buns. Gonna catch some sun?
00:43:39Sir, have time?
00:43:43Don't get it in my hair.
00:43:48Gotta say it again, Steve, you're one lucky guy.
00:43:52Drool attracts flies.
00:43:55You gotta admit, she's something to look at.
00:43:58She's pretty smart, too.
00:44:00Hey, teammates and girlfriends are bad business, Rick.
00:44:04Don't worry about me, coach. I'm here to play.
00:44:07That's what we're worried about.
00:44:11I have to go to the little girls' room.
00:44:13Right over there, honey.
00:44:16Maybe I should wait.
00:44:18No, I have to go now.
00:44:37Where are you going, toad eyes?
00:44:39Hey, I gotta take a leak.
00:44:41You wanna come watch me mirrorhead?
00:44:48Hey, Will, we're going for ice cream.
00:44:51You wanna come along?
00:44:57Maybe some other time.
00:45:07Steve's suspicious.
00:45:09He should be.
00:45:33Look at those tight little tushies.
00:45:36God, what a field of hot butts.
00:45:39You play with hot flashes?
00:45:41That Sally's team?
00:45:43You know Sally?
00:45:45Yeah, we met. I'm Will Fox.
00:45:48Oh, so you're Fox.
00:45:52Yeah.
00:45:55Is Sally around?
00:45:57Around? Yeah, Sally's around.
00:46:00See ya, Fox.
00:46:02Later.
00:46:07Sally.
00:46:09Hi, Will.
00:46:11You look great.
00:46:13You know what?
00:46:15Word gets out.
00:46:17About what?
00:46:19Can we talk?
00:46:23So, how is it?
00:46:25Will you join me?
00:46:27I don't drink.
00:46:29Never?
00:46:31Never.
00:46:33Never?
00:46:36Not in four years.
00:46:38I was drunk when Elizabeth was killed.
00:46:42So you blame yourself?
00:46:46Elizabeth wanted to drive and I wouldn't let her.
00:46:51It's just something I have to live with myself.
00:46:54Live?
00:46:56You're like the walking dead.
00:46:59Now, listen, Will, I'm sorry, but...
00:47:03what I have to tell you has no spin on it.
00:47:07What?
00:47:08You have underage players on your team.
00:47:13You're sure?
00:47:15No, but it's enough of a complaint from the other teams...
00:47:19that the senior softball administration's investigating.
00:47:23So, no, listen, bottom line here, Will...
00:47:25is that the other coaches think you play some dirty ball.
00:47:28Okay, I admit that we get a little rowdy.
00:47:30I mean, I'm surprised at it myself.
00:47:32I mean, all these years we're playing together and...
00:47:37it just got too intense.
00:47:40That's bullshit.
00:47:43What's happening to you, Will?
00:47:47You can't want to win this bad.
00:47:50This isn't about winning.
00:47:52I got a chance to feel good about myself again.
00:47:55And I'm gonna take it.
00:47:58But this isn't just about you, Will.
00:48:01You have a whole team to think about.
00:48:06I'm no longer the coach.
00:48:09I got fired.
00:48:12That also means you forgot what's right.
00:48:16You know what?
00:48:18I guess I had you figured out wrong.
00:48:22Goodbye, Will.
00:48:23Wait a minute, Sally.
00:48:32Oh, God.
00:48:45Hey, Larry, where's your Andy and Randy?
00:48:47Now that we need them.
00:48:50Don't worry about it. Like I told you,
00:48:52you're out of time on business.
00:48:54Oh, business?
00:48:55Yeah, business.
00:48:57Win it for us!
00:48:59Larry, put your feet down.
00:49:01Let's go. Do it now. We need you.
00:49:03Come on, folks.
00:49:09Hey, Tom, you're on deck. Go swing.
00:49:12There's no need to after Barry gets this one.
00:49:15Yeah, I wouldn't count on it.
00:49:25Larry batted him in right where we needed him.
00:49:28Oh, yeah, Larry and his crystal ball, huh?
00:49:42Come on, Barry. You can do it.
00:49:46Come on, Barry. Come on. Move it, move it.
00:49:48Gotta be a perfect throw. Let's go, go.
00:49:50Go!
00:49:52Yes!
00:49:54We're the world champions!
00:49:59Yeah, not bad for an error.
00:50:02An error? Who started that?
00:50:04In park home run, Barry, and it was beautiful.
00:50:06I don't think so.
00:50:08The right center fielder got his glove on it.
00:50:10It was a home run.
00:50:12I rule we put in a book as an error all the way.
00:50:14Looks like it's the big E, Barry.
00:50:16Don't worry about it, Barry.
00:50:18Ever since Randy and Andy joined this team,
00:50:20well, it's about time one of us did something.
00:50:22They don't even know us anymore.
00:50:24We used to have generous hearts.
00:50:26Yeah, it doesn't matter. You did it.
00:50:29Come on. We won. We did it.
00:50:32Guys, let's focus on a real series.
00:50:34You played a great game. We're going to Las Vegas.
00:50:36Let's do the walk. They're waiting.
00:50:42I know what you did behind my back, you turd.
00:50:45If you can't control your woman, it's not my fault.
00:50:53Good game, guys. Good game.
00:50:55Good game, guys. Good game.
00:51:05Good game, guys. Good game.
00:51:22Good game, guys. Good game.
00:51:33Hey, guys, we made it. We're here.
00:51:35We're in the World Series.
00:51:37I can't believe we did this.
00:51:39We didn't do this.
00:51:42I better go check us in.
00:51:45No, I live at 125th and 21st.
00:51:58Fox.
00:52:00Hey.
00:52:02Hey, John.
00:52:04You know, you're giving senior softball a bad name here.
00:52:07What is that supposed to mean?
00:52:09Oh, I don't know. It's supposed to mean
00:52:11What is that supposed to mean?
00:52:13Oh, I don't know. I suppose you tell me.
00:52:17You know, you're a sore loser, John.
00:52:19You've always been.
00:52:21True, I don't like to lose.
00:52:23But other teams play decent. They're gentlemen.
00:52:25They don't cheat.
00:52:27What is that supposed to mean?
00:52:29As if you didn't know.
00:52:35This is it.
00:52:37Where they play the World Series.
00:52:39Those fences are blue monsters.
00:52:41That diamond, it's huge, too.
00:52:43That's because it's a freaking baseball park.
00:52:45You're right.
00:52:47Look at those fences. They're over 400 feet.
00:52:49No problem.
00:52:51Not for you, maybe.
00:52:53Are you sure this is where we're going to play?
00:52:55They use it every year for the Senior World Series.
00:52:57As sacred as Yankee Stadium.
00:52:59You've been here before, Larry?
00:53:01In my dreams, Andy.
00:53:03In my dreams.
00:53:05Now I'm here.
00:53:07I just think we're going to win it.
00:53:09This place is for champions.
00:53:11It's special.
00:53:13We start tomorrow.
00:53:15It's going to be great.
00:53:17We drew it a desert storm first.
00:53:19Were they the current world champions?
00:53:21They were.
00:53:25Hey, Maestro, where's your dish?
00:53:27Not here.
00:53:29You want to know why?
00:53:31Yeah, why?
00:53:33We split up, you backstabbing piece of slime scum.
00:53:35Hey, maybe I just like to give a girl a little satisfaction
00:53:37that's not getting any worse.
00:53:39Hey, hey, hey.
00:53:41That's good.
00:53:43Let him go at it.
00:53:47Taste blood.
00:53:49Just like in a big show.
00:53:51Get some rest.
00:53:53Meet you at 8 a.m.
00:53:55Sharp.
00:53:57What are you looking surprised for?
00:53:59You made this mess.
00:54:27Hey.
00:54:29Hey.
00:54:31Hey.
00:54:33Hey.
00:54:35Hey.
00:54:37Hey.
00:54:39Hey.
00:54:41Hey.
00:54:43Hey.
00:54:45Hey.
00:54:47Hey.
00:54:49Hey.
00:54:51Hey.
00:54:53Hey.
00:54:55Hey.
00:55:07Hey, you too, huh, Will?
00:55:09You're like the older I get, the more I gotta go.
00:55:13I need to know if we're carrying legal players, Larry.
00:55:15You saw my birth certificate.
00:55:17It says I'm 60.
00:55:19I could play at 60, can't I?
00:55:21Did you doctor your birth certificate, Larry?
00:55:23Watch it, Will.
00:55:25That's a cheap shot.
00:55:27Answer me. Answer me.
00:55:29The answer's no.
00:55:31Hello?
00:55:33Huh.
00:55:35He believes us.
00:55:45What about your man, Randy?
00:55:47They're legal, too.
00:55:49All right, that's enough.
00:55:51You're gonna hear the crowd play live.
00:55:53Remember, you're not running the scene anymore.
00:55:55You're not gonna believe what I'm hearing here.
00:55:57You gotta hold on.
00:55:59I asked you a question.
00:56:01What about Andy and Randy?
00:56:03What about...
00:56:05Look, I know they're underage.
00:56:07Did you falsify their documents?
00:56:09We'll drop them, but we'll keep on playing.
00:56:11I need this.
00:56:13Stop being a quitter.
00:56:15I won't lie to you, Larry.
00:56:2144 or 47,
00:56:23what's it to you?
00:56:31We had it.
00:56:33You had it.
00:56:35Why?
00:56:37Why?
00:56:39You wouldn't understand.
00:56:41You didn't need this.
00:56:43You didn't need to win like I did.
00:56:47I was a can't-miss
00:56:49first-round draft choice.
00:56:51My rookie year,
00:56:53I had the highest batting average
00:56:55of most home runs,
00:56:57most runs batted in,
00:56:59the best felting percentage,
00:57:01the slugging percentage,
00:57:03and I didn't win the rookie of the year award.
00:57:07Some guy from the Dominican Republic
00:57:09with an infectious kiss-ass smile did.
00:57:13I was robbed.
00:57:15But you know,
00:57:17I had a son.
00:57:19That's how he died.
00:57:23His name was Robert.
00:57:27I was supposed to pick him up
00:57:29from school,
00:57:31and I was late.
00:57:37I feel responsible.
00:57:39It's eating me.
00:57:41My wife's
00:57:43going to leave me.
00:57:45She says I don't have any
00:57:47feeling anymore,
00:57:49that I can't,
00:57:51just can't reach out.
00:57:55She's scared of me.
00:57:57She says that the anger that I have
00:57:59inside me that's boiling
00:58:01makes her scared.
00:58:03She's scared of my wife.
00:58:05She's going to divorce me.
00:58:09Everything's gone.
00:58:11I'm sinking
00:58:13like in quicksand.
00:58:17Will,
00:58:21this was my last chance
00:58:25to win something.
00:58:27I need this.
00:58:35I never
00:58:37got to be what I knew I could have been.
00:58:39Come on.
00:58:53Will!
00:58:55Did you tell anybody
00:58:57what I said or did here today?
00:58:59I'll pound you
00:59:01in the ground like a spike.
00:59:03You're a quitter.
00:59:05You're a loser.
00:59:07You're a loser.
00:59:09You're nothing.
00:59:11You came after me, Will.
00:59:23Oh, dear God.
00:59:37I love you.
01:00:03Me, Will.
01:00:07Ending of another World Series.
01:00:11Still the same old paperwork.
01:00:19John said you called him.
01:00:21Said you got something to tell us.
01:00:23Right.
01:00:29The big guns team is illegal.
01:00:31Yeah, we already knew that.
01:00:33You do?
01:00:37Yeah.
01:00:41I won't know any, Larry.
01:00:47Forty-four, forty-seven.
01:00:49What's it to you?
01:00:55You should have checked who else was in the bathroom.
01:00:59I guess the question for me is,
01:01:01Will,
01:01:03when did you know about him?
01:01:05I had my suspicions.
01:01:07Yeah, and yet you did nothing about it.
01:01:11No.
01:01:13I guess the good news is
01:01:15that you finally made it to the World Series.
01:01:17You're all set to play the defending champions
01:01:19Desert Storm tomorrow.
01:01:23Bad news is you're disqualified.
01:01:25And don't give us that excuse
01:01:27that you weren't the coach.
01:01:29You were the coach on record.
01:01:31It was your responsibility.
01:01:33Why? Not the whole team.
01:01:35I'm banning the entire team of big guns
01:01:37from playing for life.
01:01:39But why? It was all my idea.
01:01:41They knew.
01:01:43Suspected.
01:01:45Just like you did.
01:01:51I just don't get it, Will.
01:01:53Why do you wait to come in now?
01:01:55I mean,
01:01:57you could have said this
01:01:59before the whole team got to Las Vegas
01:02:01and told yourself.
01:02:03Why did you wait?
01:02:07I was chasing a dream.
01:02:11A dream.
01:02:21I'm sorry.
01:02:23I'm really sorry.
01:02:31You don't have
01:02:33the biggest eyes.
01:02:35Some people call it
01:02:37boring.
01:02:39But when you play
01:02:41beneath those skies,
01:02:43it's perfect,
01:02:45perfect, perfect.
01:02:47The game that I am
01:02:49high on. Perfect,
01:02:51perfect, perfect.
01:02:53A game you can rely
01:02:55on.
01:02:57To be the same on every
01:02:59field from here to
01:03:01Maine.
01:03:03To be so fair
01:03:05as an American,
01:03:07that's for sure.
01:03:09It's not
01:03:11the highest scoring.
01:03:13You don't have the biggest
01:03:15eyes. Some people
01:03:17call it boring.
01:03:19But when you
01:03:21play beneath blue skies,
01:03:23it's
01:03:25perfect, perfect,
01:03:27perfect, perfect.
01:03:29Perfect, perfect,
01:03:31perfect. Perfect,
01:03:33perfect, perfect.
01:03:35Perfect,
01:03:37perfect, perfect.
01:03:41We were eating dinner
01:03:43when John Tanner called.
01:03:45Yeah, to gloat.
01:03:47He said,
01:03:49hey, what do you know? We freakin' cheated.
01:03:51You said we're banned
01:03:53for life? Yeah, I said that Andy
01:03:55and Randy were both
01:03:57underage? Yeah, where's
01:03:59Larry, Andy and Randy?
01:04:01They're gone.
01:04:03Oh, so you forfeited just like
01:04:05you always do. I had to.
01:04:07Look, how do you think I feel?
01:04:09I screwed up and I
01:04:11lost too. Big man.
01:04:13Who gave you the right? You're not
01:04:15even the coach.
01:04:17Yeah, who made you in charge?
01:04:19We had a shot. You messed
01:04:21it up, you jerk.
01:04:23Yeah!
01:04:25You're off the team.
01:04:27You knew.
01:04:29You all knew.
01:04:31None of us were
01:04:33innocent. We all got what we
01:04:35deserved.
01:04:37And the worst thing is, not that we lost
01:04:39our shot at the World Series,
01:04:41we lost our friendships.
01:04:53Hey, hey, hey.
01:04:55Roy, now's not the time.
01:04:57Will was right. We all got what we
01:04:59deserved. We were ridiculous.
01:05:01Bunch of cretins.
01:05:07Come to think of it, we have been acting
01:05:09like nutcases.
01:05:11What happened to us?
01:05:13We forgot what it was all about.
01:05:15And?
01:05:17We went to the
01:05:19World Series.
01:05:21And we went
01:05:23bonkers.
01:05:25Yeah, who were
01:05:27we?
01:05:29Oh, man.
01:05:35You know,
01:05:37we were idiots, condom
01:05:39nose. Yeah.
01:05:41One thousand percent butt on
01:05:43cheeks. Elephant gas.
01:05:45Bowling ball.
01:05:47Snag my cheese.
01:05:49Oh.
01:05:51It does fit one of us pig nuts.
01:05:53Right, bean brain.
01:05:55Yeah, you been thinking with your little head
01:05:57there, jerk-off?
01:05:59Apologize to Steve, you
01:06:01freaking girlfriend thief.
01:06:03Aw, yeah, he's probably already got
01:06:05another one. Rick!
01:06:07Okay,
01:06:09big brother.
01:06:11Yeah, it's not cool.
01:06:13Alright, alright.
01:06:15This is hard, but
01:06:17um, I was
01:06:19uh, I was
01:06:21wrong, and
01:06:23I'm sorry.
01:06:25I forgive you, dickhead.
01:06:27But hey, how are you and Lenora getting along?
01:06:29If it's any consolation,
01:06:31she split. She found
01:06:33out what wasn't in my bank account.
01:06:35Well, seems
01:06:37like we're back to normal.
01:06:39Let's go home.
01:06:41No way. We have some business to attend to.
01:06:47Yeah.
01:07:05Yeah, now what?
01:07:07It is our professional diagnosis
01:07:09that the doc here is depressed.
01:07:11Arrested in time.
01:07:13Isolated. Alienated.
01:07:15Removed from society.
01:07:17Fact is, Will,
01:07:19you got issues. Uh-huh.
01:07:21Yeah, we decided
01:07:23you gotta change.
01:07:25If you want to rejoin the team, that is.
01:07:27You would take me back?
01:07:29No!
01:07:31Hey, hey, Will, wait, wait, wait,
01:07:33we all agree
01:07:35you can come back on
01:07:37one condition. You have to tell
01:07:39a joke. A joke?
01:07:41I mean,
01:07:43right here,
01:07:45now? That's right.
01:07:47You could just insult somebody,
01:07:49just so long as it's funny.
01:07:51Yeah, you can even make fun of my hair.
01:07:53It won't bother me. Concentrate,
01:07:55Will. You can do it.
01:07:57Look, guys, he's having a
01:07:59breakdown. He can't do it.
01:08:01It's okay, Will. You know,
01:08:03some people have it, some don't.
01:08:05Maybe you were born a quitter.
01:08:07No, no, no.
01:08:09Wait, wait, wait.
01:08:11I'll try. If...
01:08:13No, your...
01:08:15Your mother is so
01:08:17ugly, she could make
01:08:19an onion cry.
01:08:21Oh!
01:08:23Not again, Will.
01:08:25This is good. This is good.
01:08:27Um...
01:08:29Oh, yeah. If ignorance
01:08:31is bliss,
01:08:33then you people
01:08:35must be the...
01:08:37You people must be the ugliest people
01:08:39in the world. Pathetic.
01:08:41Dead on arrival.
01:08:43Hopeless. A real stinker.
01:08:45Hey, I got an idea.
01:08:47We want Will to change, right?
01:08:49Yeah, and loosen up.
01:08:51Because we're the kings of loose.
01:08:53So, uh,
01:08:55what you got in mind there, Hippo Handles?
01:08:57Hey, okay, okay.
01:08:59What causes humiliation?
01:09:01Confusion?
01:09:03Physical sweats?
01:09:05Physical sweats?
01:09:07And a drain on your hard-earned bucks?
01:09:09Proctologist.
01:09:11No! Love!
01:09:27Hey, guys.
01:09:29Okay, what's going on here?
01:09:31You guys were in Vegas in the World Series.
01:09:33Disqualified for cheating.
01:09:35I'm not surprised.
01:09:37Hey, wait a minute. We drove straight here
01:09:39from Vegas.
01:09:41You guys came all the way from Vegas.
01:09:43Why?
01:09:53I think we said our goodbyes.
01:09:55Sally,
01:09:57it was Will who told the truth.
01:09:59Got us disqualified.
01:10:03Hi.
01:10:07Sally,
01:10:11you were right. After Elizabeth died,
01:10:13I gave up.
01:10:15Amen!
01:10:17Stopping someone
01:10:19as lovely
01:10:21and as wonderful as you
01:10:23from entering my life
01:10:25makes me a real loser.
01:10:27A real twerp.
01:10:29Dingbat.
01:10:31He's embarrassed.
01:10:37Sally?
01:10:41Sally, will you give me
01:10:43a second chance, please?
01:10:49What about your wife,
01:10:51Elizabeth?
01:10:53Someday in the future, I'll lie next to Elizabeth.
01:10:55Until then, friends.
01:10:57Friends? You mean like girlfriends?
01:10:59Yeah. You know, like
01:11:01going steady.
01:11:03Steady?
01:11:05Well, okay. Maybe
01:11:07mercy steady.
01:11:11Please.
01:11:15Shut up.
01:11:17Thanks.
01:11:19Way to go, Will.
01:11:21Good job, Will.
01:11:23Bye, guys. Bye.
01:11:25Who won?
01:11:27Oh, we, uh...
01:11:29we lost.
01:11:31No, Will.
01:11:33You won.
01:11:35You all won.
01:11:37Hey, not bad, ladies.
01:11:39Yeah. You got a lot of potential.
01:11:41Stick around, boys.
01:11:43You ain't seen nothing yet.
01:11:45All right.
01:11:47You know, one more thing, Will.
01:11:49When you're lying next to
01:11:51Elizabeth someday,
01:11:53I'll be next to Alfred.
01:11:57Alfred?
01:11:59Yeah.
01:12:01My previous husband.
01:12:03I didn't know you were married.
01:12:05Oh, yeah. 18 years.
01:12:09He played second.
01:12:11I hit short.
01:12:17Hey. Hey.
01:12:19What?
01:12:21We need a shortstop. You any good?
01:12:23Yeah.
01:12:25Just wait.
01:12:31How did your Alfred die?
01:12:35Turning a double.
01:12:39Did he make the play?
01:12:41You bet.
01:12:43With a smile.
01:12:45He died living.
01:12:47What a way to go.
01:12:55So...
01:12:57with a few additions,
01:12:59we were back playing for fun.
01:13:01Batter! Batter! Batter! Batter!
01:13:03Come on, Sully.
01:13:05You're killing us.
01:13:07Yeah. Anytime this year.
01:13:09Zip your pie holes.
01:13:11Can't you see I'm busy here,
01:13:13you freaks of nature?
01:13:15Hey, freak of nature. Not bad.
01:13:17She's got a long way to go.
01:13:19You think so?
01:13:21Just watch her back, potato head.
01:13:23Hey, hey, Mildred. You have class.
01:13:25Hey, Buster.
01:13:27Remember, we have a date for bingo later.
01:13:29Hey, forget bingo.
01:13:31We're going to Paris, beautiful.
01:13:33Hey, I like your style.
01:13:35He's fast.
01:13:37I like that, too.
01:13:39All right, Sully.
01:13:41Two outs, game tied, and the Saks are in.
01:13:43And what'd they do, coach?
01:13:45Go for it.
01:13:47Yeah, but wouldn't it be safer just to get on?
01:13:49Yeah, but our team hangs loose.
01:13:51Remember?
01:13:53I love it when you talk like that.
01:13:55Let's go.
01:13:57Come on, Sully.
01:13:59Come on.
01:14:01You know,
01:14:03I got a feeling about next season.
01:14:05Barry, you've always got a feeling.
01:14:07Hey, guys.
01:14:09Anyone need to remind you,
01:14:11we just got banned for life.
01:14:13That was for the big guns.
01:14:15And now we'll call ourselves
01:14:17the cream puffs.
01:14:19The cream puffs.
01:14:25Boy, can she kick.
01:14:35Cream puffs.
01:14:37That has possibilities.
01:14:49Yeah, well, I always listen to my coach.
01:15:05Good swing.
01:15:19Two auto, one-two,
01:15:21two auto, two auto
01:15:23Two auto, one-two
01:15:25two auto
01:15:27Two auto, one-two
01:15:29No.
01:15:31Neither did Jerry.
01:15:43How you guys doing?
01:15:45Is that better?
01:16:06Definitely not funny.
01:16:08Oh.
01:16:10Shit.
01:16:14I don't want any more dorking around.
01:16:21Just think about it.
01:16:22Winner right on third, Mel, come on!
01:16:25Did I say Mel again?
01:16:26Yeah, you did.
01:16:29That's a sign.
01:16:32Cut.
01:16:35Cut.
01:16:38That was real.
01:16:41Hey, Barry, everybody thinks we're pushovers.
01:16:46You're stepping on my line.
01:16:49Uh-oh.
01:16:50What's the show?
01:16:51I don't know.
01:16:52I don't know.
01:16:53I don't know.
01:16:54I don't know.
01:16:55I don't know.
01:16:56I don't know.
01:16:57I don't know.
01:16:58I don't know.
01:16:59I don't know.
01:17:00I don't know.
01:17:01I don't know.
01:17:02I don't know.
01:17:03What's the show?
01:17:04The Big League, Larry.
01:17:06Right, Roy?
01:17:08Ahhh!
01:17:12I lost it.
01:17:13Okay, let Mel talk.
01:17:15Tell us everything you know, Mel.
01:17:16It'll only take about ten seconds.
01:17:19Hahahaha!
01:17:22Do you think he's legal, Will?
01:17:24About what?
01:17:25Let's go back to the talk.
01:17:27Hahaha!
01:17:28Maybe it was teensy-weensy from the beginning, Mel.
01:17:31You're kidding, Mel. You ever think of that?
01:17:35Cut.
01:17:36Yes, I have.
01:17:41Action.
01:17:53Action.
01:17:55Hey, maestro.
01:17:56Where's your girl?
01:17:57You're finished.
01:17:59There you got it. You got the girl in there.
01:18:01I told you I got the girl in there.
01:18:05World Series.
01:18:07Wow.
01:18:14That's hard work.
01:18:17No, I can't.
01:18:23That's good.
01:18:29Ooh.
01:18:32Sounds like he's gossiping.
01:18:41Cut.
01:18:44No, no, no.
01:18:46Is it going to be a lead in?
01:18:48Oh, come on.
01:18:50You said perfect.
01:18:51No, no, no, no.
01:18:53I didn't mean...
01:18:54I wasn't...
01:18:56No, no, no.
01:19:02I wasn't going to say cut.
01:19:04Okay, action.
01:19:08Cut.
01:19:25Cut.
01:19:55We're old and we're gray.
01:19:57We still like to play.
01:19:59Grab a ball.
01:20:00Don't be a chump.
01:20:03Bruises, we get it.
01:20:05Knees, just forget it.
01:20:07This is going to raise a lung.
01:20:09And if you ask if we care
01:20:12About the thinning of hair
01:20:14And a big spare tire below
01:20:18We claw our back
01:20:20That's showing some crack
01:20:22You never told.
01:20:23Oh, hell no.
01:20:25There's nothing like baseball
01:20:28To boil away the time.
01:20:32There's nothing like baseball
01:20:35To keep a lucid mind.
01:20:39Is that a crime?
01:20:41We're young and our hearts know no day
01:20:44Denial some say
01:20:46We need glasses to help us see
01:20:50The young and the strong
01:20:51We'll still take on
01:20:53Wait till we put in our teeth
01:20:56There's nothing like baseball
01:20:59To boil away the time.
01:21:03There's nothing like baseball
01:21:06I'll play at 89
01:21:10Is that a crime?
01:21:12When it's time to check out of life
01:21:15Say goodbye to the strife
01:21:17I'll accept that it's my time to go.
01:21:21St. Peter can hit it
01:21:23Like a son of a bitch
01:21:25And Gabriel can really throw.
01:21:28There's heavenly baseball
01:21:31To boil away the time.
01:21:35There's nothing like baseball
01:21:38I'll play it all the time.
01:21:42Is that a crime?
01:21:44Is that a crime?
01:21:48Life is too short to play golf
01:21:51Is that a crime?